


Fools in April

by journaliry



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Albino Dave Strider, April Fools' Day, Attempted Seduction, Catfishing, Comedy, Falling In Love, Friends to Lovers, Love Confessions, M/M, Masturbation, Nude Photos, Online Romance, Phone Sex, Pranks and Practical Jokes, Sexting, past alcoholism, two-person love triangle
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-16
Updated: 2020-04-01
Packaged: 2020-10-06 22:35:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 48
Words: 88,177
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20514605
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/journaliry/pseuds/journaliry
Summary: John Egbert thought he'd play a little month long prank on his roommate, Dave Strider. John decided to make a fake account to entice Dave to unknowingly online date him. Quickly, John's plan backfires on him.





	1. Off to a... Start...

You love playing pranks, some would actually say that you're the pranking master.

Your usual pray is your roommate, Dave Strider.

You typically get up to the usual; fake spiders, whoopie cushions, sugar in the salt shaker, jelly on the fridge’s handle, on your worst day your weakest prank was making oatmeal raisin cookies and saying they were chocolate chip. Dave just loved that you baked him something.

Dave is driving you nuts! He never finds any of your pranks to actually be pranks! You never have any luck, hell you've never **had** any luck! Dave thought all of them were at worst weak and at best mildly annoying. 

One time you got the idea to sign up Dave for a gay porn site using his email... that's how you found out he was into guys. When you joked around with him about how his email was already registered for a gay porn site and it ruined your prank, Dave just shrugged it off. He pointed at you and told you that would have been "some funny ass shit if I checked my email and was straight. Good try." 

You've been thinking about playing this new prank all week as your big April Fools joke. You were running low on fresh ideas and you thought this one would really get him this time!

You're going to make a sexy, boy-toy persona and seduce Dave with it for a month until April first. You'd pretend to be hot stuff and online date Dave, maybe catch him a few times with his pants down literally and metaphorically. You snicker at the thought.

You're going to get Dave to get super into your fake online guise. He'll be so hot and bothered over your little character that when you finally reveal that it was you he was fawning over he'll finally be blown away by one of your pranks! HA! He won't see this coming at all! 

Dave's probably home right at this very moment so you thought after work you'd just grab a bite and message the guy. You sat down and ordered a burger while you were waiting on a reply from him. Suddenly he started messaging you.

* * *

heeey...

it's your "dream guy."

wait?

who is this?

you mean you don't remember me from last night?

* * *

You start snickering.   
Dave is going to totally fall for this!  
You shove some fries into your mouth as you look down at your phone.

* * *

i didnt go out last night man

oh damn.

guess "someone" gave me the wrong username.

sigh

seems about right...

sorry about that

it's no big deal.

still

that shit sucks

could at least tell you upfront they arent interested

oh well, you seem nice...

are you a guy?

yeah?

hmmm

you want to "talk" for a little bit.

that was quick

when god closes a door, he opens another.

and i always bounce back.

thats the spirit

best of luck with that till you do

clearly i just did.

i mean if we're really doing this...

doing what?

being little sexy pen pals.

ok

now im game

* * *

You cover your mouth and try your best to stop snickering.  
He fell for it hook, line and sinker!  
You take a bite from your burger and chew as you type.

* * *

what's your name?

dave

yours?

i'd rather that remain a mystery

;)

so you just plan on sexting me?

when did i say that?

"sexy pen pals"

listen...

i'm tired of guys running off after they get some...

i already told myself, if this shit happens again i'm done with sleeping around.

we can just message each other whenever about whatever.

and who knows...

maybe it'd be fun having a little "mystery" boyfriend.

well have to see how that turns out

hehehehe

guess this is our "first date" then.

cool

what are you doing right now?

walking home

you?

eating out some place.

cool

you have any interests?

music

oh, everyone says that!

said it cause its true

what kind of music then?

rap

i remix music and actually work as a composer

ooooh

should have led with that.

is that fun?

its cool

not as successful as id like to be though 

so...

you're the kind of guy with big dreams?

want to have concerts someday

yeah actually

thats spot on

im getting there

oooh

i like a man with ambitions.

what do you do?

ugh. i'm just working in retail for right now.

i'm more interested in your work...

think you can send me a sample?

* * *

If you show an interest in his stuff he'll totally be into you're little fake persona... even if you aren't really the best at this. You feel a bit awkward... maybe your conversation is running that way too but... you think you'll get the hang of this.  
You stuff another bite of your turkey burger into your gob as he sends you a link.  
You look at the song title. It's one of the few songs of his you told him that you love.  
You take a few moments to eat, pretending you're listening to the song that you've already heard many times before.  
He sent you something that you actually like. You guess you're going to be honest with what you think of him during this little act you're putting on.  
The prank is getting Dave to actually unknowinly date 'you' after all.  
He already sent you something that you actually like, so this will be totally easy!

* * *

oh my god! you actually have talent!

well

you might not like everything i make

oh?

so you have a diverse palate then?

you get me

i never make the same thing twice

hmm

I like that. I don't think that record labels do though...

couldnt care less about that shit

id rather people buy my shit because they like it

not because its propped up

ohh. I like your attitude.

but don't you want to be "popular?"

yeah but

i want to get there on my own

got a following?

yeah

good.

doing right by your fans is what really matters.

right... dave, was it?

yeah

i agree

and i still dont know your name

just give me a nickname.

how bout "babe"

ha

i didn't expect you to be so cute.

babe.

you're already calling me babe.

dont like it?

oh, you can call me anything you want. ;o

really?

anything?

well...

so long as it isn't too stupid.

babe is just on the verge of being stupid then?

oh, it is stupid.

it's just more cute than dumb.

of course its cute

because im calling a guy that unironically typed in "hehehehe" a pet name

* * *

You narrow your eyes at your phone as you take another bite of your burger.  
He's making fun of the way you talk in general... you have a habit of giggling like that too. Dave just actually called you cute.  
You angrily hum and pout as you chew your burger, fries are leaking out of your burger buns.  
You watch your screen as he just starts to go off on another one of his usual tangents.

* * *

ill call you babe

like

everyones checking out that choice ham

grade a prize winning ham

aint nobody getting a taste of that pork rn

but damned if they aint trying

ill save you from that hangry ass farmer

im writing a couple of sparknotes in my web

singing your praise

you just sit pretty in that barn

people will come from miles round just to get a gander at your fine pork ass

* * *

_'Yesh. What is Dave doing?' _  
You ask yourself and yet still you're not sure...  
but you think this answers the question for why he can never get a date.  
At least 'you' think it's funny. Even if it's a sad attempt at a joke.   
Maybe he's just too nervous to say anything of value at all? You're pretty sure that he doesn't even know what sparknotes are. You chuckle as you take a sip of your nearly empty glass along with taking the initiative to save Dave from himself.

* * *

are you thinking of charlotte's web?

thats what that shit is?

then whats babe about

a pig that can round sheep??

perfect

babe

you can round me up like a dog

ill be your little doting sheep

mindlessly skipping while you herd me around

* * *

Okay! You're going to save him from any more of this embarrassment...

* * *

that'll do, dave.

that'll do.

say...

what do you look like?

want a picture?

no no

that would kill the mystery!

so you really are just planning on sexting me.

nooo...

this is like sexy cyber dating.

cyber?

what are you from the 90s?

...yes?

shit me too

just tell me what you look like

i have white hair and white lashes

so your like albino??

yep

ohhhh...

cute!!

im a special catch to you arent i?

hmm

for more than just that reason.

* * *

You giggle to yourself as you chow down on the rest of your fries.  
Dave is just another welcoming target for your pranking gun, and you are full of ammo.   
Your giggling turns into a malicious snicker as you grab your phone and start typing again.  
You already know what Dave likes so this will be easier than... well... Dave.

* * *

what are you wearing?

nothing baby

now start rubbing yourself through your jeans for me

shut up!!!

i just wanted to know what your style is like!!

i have like

a red jacket

and like red adidas

you a big sneaker guy?

oh yeah

aaaaand i take it that you're big on red.

well

its probably cause my eyes are red

* * *

Wow, Dave. That is such a elementary school response.  
You're just going to poke at him with something... maybe just as childish.

* * *

toke it up, man.

huh?

shit, it's almost 420.

couldn't wait?

no

i mean my eyes really are red

sure dave.

wanna picture?

putting a face to the name so early!?

i'm already building a picture of you in my head!

you want to kill my mental image of my new "dream guy" outright?

ok

alright

i get it

then stop offering pics

>:(

ill get you in the mood again

dont worry

what are you doing?

got to just crack my knuckles here

oh my god...

maybe someday if i really get you going

we can grab some starbucks

and i can get you just like i like my coffee

creamed

ha!

you like that?

i mean

it's so stupid that it's funny!

and then it just circles round to being cute again!

really?

you think im cute?

when clearly youre

the guru of the cute

we only just met and i can tell you have your masters in the field of study

i have an honorary doctorate actually

see

that right there

adorable

you fucking put kittens sitting in pots to fuckin shame

hmm no

i think i put men like you to shame

maybe actually much more...

"experienced" men.

and let me guess...

you're a virgin, aren't you?

howd you figure?

hmm

because you haven't jumped into asking me anything "actually" sexual yet.

ok

lets just ignore the fact youre right

what was your one night stand like?

oh hmm

maybe i shouldn't kiss and tell...

buuuut...

* * *

Shit! You have no idea what to say. Well, you have to say something! And it needs to be sexy so he buys your act!  
You quickly scan your brain for what slutty women like to do in movies or what guys say they want in tv shows. Shit! You... you can probably think of something good. You have to do **something! Anything!**

* * *

i always get guys to pull back my hair while they drive into me.

yeah?

thats not that rough

awww...

i know you want to know more...

but you can't get me too excited or i might spill all the fun things i do during playtime off the bat

damn

i bet you want to know everything...

don't you, hot shot?

but we can't have that...

i don't want another guy leaving me once he gets to try the whole buffet.

oh believe me

im not leaving

ohhh

keep talking like that and ill let you sample a "special" platter.

what makes it special?

that's for you to find out

;)

* * *

Dave is totally buying this!  
He's finally gonna get a taste of your pranking mastery!  
Oh he's gonna have such egg on his face when he realizes that he's gotta thing for his "cute" roomate!

* * *

not that i dont enjoy this

but you still havent answered my question

what did you do last night?

gooooosh!

you are so demanding!!

hehehe maybe i like that in bed...

but its not to cute rn.

so youre not interested in telling me anything?

jeeeeez you ARE demanding!

fine...

got a college guy to pound me into his bed.

i got a little silly and let him tie my wrists together.

last night was a bit special cause i got spanked with a paddle.

before or during?

naughty aren't you?

a lot before,

a little during.

yeah?

do you usually like it rough?

ohh

you're really naughty for a virgin!

fuck if you want my v card you can have it

* * *

_'What the fuck, Dave?! Are you already getting off to this?!?'_  
UGH! So much for the honesty idea!  
Also... you'd hate to admit it but you're a virgin still too...  
You have noooo idea what you'd really, actually want in bed, but you think it'd be hot to... _say... _all that and this, this thing right here, is the prank in action...  
Shit! You have to think of a way out of this!

* * *

oh boy!

i take one more guys virginity i get a free coke with my next meal!

shit you are so fucking funny too

they let someone as dangerous as you out on the streets?

ha!

cops can't get me.

i only let guys i like lock me up in handcuffs.

but... i'll be honest...

i get bored if it isn't rough.

ha

how rough?

care to illustrate? 

* * *

Oh God!  
You're going to have to pretend to actually be a sex freak for a fucking month!  
**_shit! _**  
Maybe you should have chosen... _**anything but this!**_  
You aren't sure you're really ready to have cyber sex with your best friend for the sake of a joke!

* * *

you still there?

hold on, i'm in a restaurant right now.

you going to go to the bathroom to jack off?

sorry

no

i wasn't kidding when i said i get bored when sex isn't rough.

* * *

_'ohdeargod.'_  
You breathe out a sigh of relief.   
You have no idea how you just managed to weezle yourself out of this but you just did... _probably._  
Shit! Your hands are starting to get sweat all over your phone screen.   
A waitress just came over and asked if you need anything. You wish you could ask for help. You just ask for the check instead. Dave just messaged you again. Is he... actually... oh this was a bad idea.

* * *

you get bored if it isn't rough?

shit

you mean you dont even jack it?

ha

i dont believe that shit

ehh... i guess i could do something’s myself...??

slapping myself is going to feel pretty damn stupid

yeah 

what else?

pulling my hair or choking myself is impossible when i’m using both hands...

hmm i shouldn’t say anything more...

you got any toys?

uhh...

i used to have one,

i just ended up not needing it.

you?

ive got more then i should admit

* * *

He does!?  
You never hear anything coming out of his room!?  
Maybe it’s because he only does it while you’re out.  
Whatever, you’re just gonna keep bullshitting your way through this.

* * *

ive got a bit of a collection

ill send you a pic later

you can tell me

yourself

what you want me to use on myself

oohhh... maybe later in our relationship, big guy.

dude

you pick out something

and i just pump it inside of me on my own

no texting you involved

i use it 

I tell you how it went

you make fun of me

just like “sexy pen pals”

i thought thats what you wanted?

ohhh gotcha

i thought you meant, “hey babe"

"get on the line and listen to me fuck myself”

shit

not gonna lie

i could go for that

not that easy anymore, sorry.

but what if you end up liking me?

would you walk me through it?

you’d have to earn that.

plus you’re a virgin, you could talk a big game but get shy at the drop of a hat 

hmm

no i wont be shy about any of this babe

your confidence is misplaced.

ha

shit you really are cute

i hit the fucking lottery and i didnt even buy a ticket

okay this is where i say "tehehe" right?

heh

can i ask you like a real question and get a real answer now?

what do you look like?

* * *

Shit!  
You can't let him picture you!  
Still... you want him jacking off to the_ 'idea'_ of you! That's part of the prank!

* * *

all you need to know is that im short, i have dark hair, and a fat ass.

what colors your hair?

black

how about your eyes?

someone sounds like they are having some fun with themselves

can i just ask for a guys eye color without it getting interpreted as a "phone sex" kind of question?

i mean you asked for my whole profile

and i dont even know your name yet

because i'm mysterious ;p

well...

can i just call you "mine?"

cute... another pick up line...

good though right?

well... it's funny that you think that i could be "yours,"

when clearly you seem like you're the one who's super into me.

im not "in you" just yet

* * *

Shit!  
Dave is actually falling for this a bit too fast!  
It's working a little too well!

* * *

cool your jets.

hmmm....

or are you already intending to get freaky on our "first date?"

you're sending me all these dirty messages on your phone...

tell me...

is your dick in your other hand?

* * *

You're crossing your fingers hoping that Dave says...  
says...   
** _anything but yes!_ **

* * *

no

* * *

You let out a deep sigh from the depths of your chest.  
The waitress just came buy so you worry more on paying for your meal right now instead of if your best bro is currently getting off to your messages.  
You get a few messages from Dave. They keep popping up on your phone.  
You just leave money on the table and start walking out. She can keep the change.  
As you start to walk out you look through your messages again. Starting from right where you left off.

* * *

no

not yet

i just got in

give me a sec

* * *

You feel your heart drop.  
You did this to yourself. You notice that your forehead is dripping with stress sweat. You look like a mess. You turn around and head into the bathroom. There is no way out of this but at least you don't have to be "out" in public. Once you get into the bathroom there is no stalls, just one toilet. You close the lid and sit down on top of the bowl.  
Suddenly Dave sends you a picture of...  
HIS DICK IN HIS HAND!  
You almost drop your phone from how sweaty your palms are.  
This is your punishment.  
This is your punishment for all of those times that you sprayed whip cream into Dave's hand and tickled his face.  
This is your punishment for filling Dave's room, completely, with balloons.  
This is your punishment for all the gay jokes! You can't say you didn't have this coming.  
Dave is stroking himself at this very moment to the things you said and gearing up to message you again!!!  
You dread anything else he's going to say.

* * *

im sure you see these all the time

dont mind a little snapshot

do you?

* * *

He's actually doing this!?  
You're actually sitting here?! Doing this!  
You could just call it quits on this month long prank but...  
you are the pranking master!  
You never back down!  
You can't back down!  
You knew this could happen!  
Hell!  
You wanted this to happen, you just didn't think he'd start sending pics...  
Maybe if you make him feel a bit nervous... a little insecure about...  
No.  
You can't do that.  
He's your best bro and that's a dick thing to do to**_ anyone!_**  
Plus... he'd know you're lying... he's... he's huge.  
Still! You have to persevere! You have to do this! He's already stroking himself so... so... ugh. You can get out of this.

* * *

hey?

you still there?

oh i was just heading into the bathroom

but you know...

i told myself no more of these one night stands,

that includes stuff like this.

you can get "freaky" if you want but i'm not giving you anything more than a compliment.

congrats on being part horse and getting a boyfriend without any effort on your part.

your father, seabiscuit, would be proud.

good day and good night.

youre leaving so soon?

yeeep.

then

why are you in the bathroom?

believe it or not,

i actually have to use it.

k

thank you for the weirdest date of my life.

i'm going to piss now.

hot

ick

pics or didnt happen

i guess it didn't happen then.

bye, dave.

bye babe

* * *

_ **What the fuck kind of pervert is Dave!?!** _


	2. Let's Try This Again

Last night, when you got home you didn't see Dave. Not usual for him to go to bed early but you didn't worry your pretty little head about that, must have just meant that your plan is working. You chuckled to yourself as you strolled into your bedroom for the night.

When you got up in the morning you yawned, rubbed your eyes and grabbed your glasses. You walked into the kitchen and started making pancakes and bacon on the stove-top for you and your roommate. Well mostly your roommate. You thought that if you were going to be so mean as to 'trick' him you should make his favorite this morning.

Dave barged out of his room, he strolled into the kitchen.

It isn't usual for Dave to whistle, or smile bright but he is today.

You scrunched up your brows and lightly chuckled as you watch him walk up and take his seat on one of your wooden stools and sit down at the kitchen island. He was still wearing his shades but you didn’t need to see his eyes to tell he was vibrantly happy, his open mouth grin said it all. Once you started looking at his face, Dave went back to bearing his usual stone-cold stoic cool guy look.

You chuckle as you ask him, "you score big last night?" 

"Oh." Dave nods as he says, "yeah."

"Nice." You turn back to the stove and try hard not to laugh.

"Got this random message on my phone,” Dave starts explaining. "Long story short: I'm dating some guy now." 

You turn your neck to the side to look at him as you mess around with the pans on the stove. "Miracles do happen if you believe." You turn your head back at the stove, getting a good look at the sizzling bacon strips as you start flipping them. "Congrats on getting a random boyfriend, _aaaand_ that your roommates making you your favorite breakfast sandwich, you're on a lucky streak. Go out and buy a lotto ticket."

"I think I should." Dave jokes, chuckling and shaking his head like he is honestly impressed with his own luck.

You move to the fridge and take out the eggs, you need to make a few omelettes for this. You fiddle around and search the drawers for the carton as you ask, "what's he like?"

"He's fucking funny." Dave confesses to you.

You giggle to yourself as you pull out the eggs and stop giggling once you close the fridge's door.

You ask Dave, "what's his name?"

"Don't know."

"Okaaay?" You walk back to the stove. "What does he look like?"

"Don't know."

You keep staring at the stove as you ask, "so he's camera shy?" 

"Yeah." Dave agrees. "For now."

You place the eggs on the counter and your hand on your hip as you turn to face him and ask, "is this just a sex thing, then?"

Dave shakes his head no. "Not just a sex thing."

You turn back to the stove. "Not _just_... a sex thing." You ask as you start cracking eggs and crafting your signature omelette mix in a mug, "soooo... he _hit... _on you?"

"Kind of...?" Dave sounds like he’s shrugging.

"What did you two talk about then that was... you know?" You tilt your head to the side to look at him, as you wisk the eggs with a fork. _"Sexy?"_

"That's a private thing." Dave drags his phone out of his pocket, checking again for another message.

"Man, you can talk sexy stuff with me." You defend yourself, "I'm you're best friend aren't we supposed to?"

"Yeah... no." Dave shakes his head. "You should stop using that word."

You narrow your eyes and start angrily humming.

"All you need to know is that he's cute."

You pour your egg mix into the pan you just used to make pancakes. 

“And-“ Dave starts up again. “He’s funny..."

You already got that Dave’s new mystery boyfriend is a 'laugh riot.'

Dave reiterates, "and that’s really important to me.”

You start scrapping the omelette you just made on the stove and place it on top of a pancake for Dave. You pour maple syrup on top and stick in a few strips of freshly heated bacon before grabbing another pancake-

"Oh." Dave starts up again, "and he's already supportive of my music unlike some people."

You roll your eyes. You finished up Dave’s breakfast for him. As you hand it to him you say, "He’s probably never heard anything you made."

"Actually I gave him something, he said he liked it." Dave defends himself right before taking a large bite of the pancake sandwich. 

"Probably because he likes you." You jest. “He’s just hyping you up cause you’re _pretty_.”

"No, he's really honest with me." Dave tells you.

"Ha." You chuckle at him, "_you_ need someone like that!"

"I think so too." Dave nods, "and I only described what I look like to him.”

"Oh my fucking god.” You start snickering at him, “so he doesn't know what you look like yet at all!? You two are only chatting through like texts? Not phone calls?”

"IMs.” Dave corrects you. 

"This is too fucking rich!” You start laughing, honestly laughing.

You keep snickering as you ask, "so you don't even know what he sounds like."

Dave doesn't say anything. But you can tell from the look on his face that he's pissed.

He must not like you smack talking his new relationship! Ha!

Dave is totally buying this! You’re actually going to get him this time! 

You cheerfully smile, making sure to face away from Dave.

You can't let him know that you're this proud!

You snag yourself a plate of only pancakes and snag the rest of the bacon for the side. It's not Wednesday, so you aren't going nuts with your food. But oh, on Wednesday you are gonna go balls to the walls.

Dave kept describing his new mystery boyfriend to you till you settled him down with a question about his plans for the day. Seems like he's excited to settle down and start working on some new songs. You tell him you're rooting for him.

When you finish with the dishes you settle in your room, fuck around on your laptop and then decide it's a great time to start messing around with Dave again. 

* * *

hi cutie!

hi babe

ready for another “date?”

sure

how's your music thing coming along?

actually its been going better than usual

oh?

why is that?

i have a muse now

that is...

oddly romantic?

especially coming from a guy who asked me to take pics of myself pissing.

get a guy who can do both

wow

a romantic guy AND a pervert.

scored big!

im a two for one deal

more bang for your buck

yeah...

go back to talking about music.

it’s less embarrassing for the both of us.

well i cant show you anything

now that all my songs are about you

oh you're one of thoooose artists

to precious to you to let me hear them?

yep

i won't judge... too harshly.

yeah no

sorry

maybe ill send you something once its done

boooo

you suck!

oh you dont even need to listen to my music

you already know how it sounds

hey!

if you're making music about me i don't think it sucks

i think it's romantic...

only because you haven't heard it yet

ohhh “yet!”

you mean you'll let me hear it!?

once its perfect

hooray! yay!!

which it might never be

if it's about me it AUTOMATICALLY is.

choke on my fat one!

id love to

thank you for the invitation

dave

you're music is about me, that make's it perfect.

you might be right

everything about you so far is perfect

awww...

shit

that was cheesey

i love'd that

actually that was really fuckin stupid

aww but awww

jesus

i have to go

awwww

okay

jesus bye

byeeeee!!

* * *

You messed around on your laptop for a few more minuets, you looked over of your online course work. You’re classes as so easy you hardly even consider it to be ‘work.’

You get up from your computer chair to grab a snack only to find Dave blushing and dragging his feet around the kitchen. He’s looking down at his phone and didn’t even notice you come out of your room. You laugh as you ask him,

"Trouble in paradise?”

"Huh?” Dave looks up from his phone and asks you, "what?"

“You look fucked up over something.” You gesture to your face, pointing out that Dave’s is completely red.

“No. I just might have said something..." Dave sounds a bit unsure as he says, "I wish I could take back.”

"What? Is it about some kind of like... sex thing you have.”

"Ha.” Dave let out a dry, humorless laugh. “No.”

"Then what?”

"Said something a bit too romantic.” Dave sounds defeated as he answers.

”Ha!” You don’t even have to pretend to be entertained, you totally are! “Sounds like you’re already smitten!”

”Jesus.” Dave pinches his eyes underneath his shades. 

“What did you say?!” You go to grab his phone from his hand. You successfully nabbed it before Dave could react.

You scroll up to read the messages, Dave starts fighting you back for the phone you snagged. You start running around the kitchen island and reading it as Dave tries to figure out which way you’re going to run next. 

You start reading out load, “'shit that was cheesy?' What was cheesy though!?”

Dave starts dashing towards you again. "Give me back my phone, Egbert!” 

You run the other way to avoid him, still with his phone in your hand. You pretend to gasp in surprise at what you are reading out loud, “'you might be right, everything about you is perfect!' Oh Dave! That’s so embarrassing!!!"

"Lay off!” He grabs the phone from your hand. 

You giggle and jab at him more, “how are you still alive!? How haven’t you died of shame!?”

Dave groans at your comments.

"I’m just teasing, Dave!” You point down at his phone, which he’s trying to hide from you. “Look! I saw a lot of ‘awww’s. He thinks you're cute-”

"Egbert.” Dave groans out your name. “Just let me fester in my misery in peace for now.”

“I hope you don’t talk to _him_ like** that!”** You point up at him. “That’s so weepy! So moody! Try to be more upbeat! Here- I’ll help you come up with something good if you're embaressed!”

"John.” Dave sounds annoyed at your interference. 

You know what Dave’s boyfriend would like though so you persist.

"If he makes a joke! Tell him you’re laughing!”

"I tell him he’s funny all the time.” Dave confirms for you.

"That’s not the same as laughing! Oh- and tell him about you’re weird snack foods! He’ll love hearing that you’re silly and weird!”

”I’m not going to tell him about that shit.” Dave jests, “He-"

"That Shit?!" You cut him off and point a finger at him. "And Just What Is Wrong with my breakfast sandwiches!? I make you food all the time and now you are calling my food SHIT?!”

"Well, John I’m starting a new diet.” Dave tells you. 

“Oh gotta get healthy for a guy that doesn’t even see you, not eating better _with_ the guy you live with?!” You smack his arm and laugh. “I’ve been asking if making veggies as a side is cool and you just pass and start eating Doritos with your meal?! That and like soda straight from the bottle! Man, you’re gonna get a heart attack and confuse it for heart burn!”

Dave sighs like he's annoyed, "I’m dieting because I got bad heart burn.” 

"Ha!” You're cackling now. “Just like eat better, man. I'll make better food if you ask!"

"You knooow..." You tell Dave, "I was gonna make curry today for you. So spicy you’ll **shit** yourself!” You start crying and wheezing at your own comment. **“AGAIN!”**

You keep howling. You snort.

Dave is just standing in the kitchen, unmoving as you try to steady yourself by grabbing into his elbow. 

“I-" you keep wheezing. “Tell-” You can’t get out the words. You have to practically scream, “TELL YOUR BOYFRIEND ABOUT THAT!” 

Dave says nothing to that. Just stands next to you as you lose it, laughing at him in every way you can! The time he shit his pants when he scarfed down all the curry you made just for _him_ to eat. The fact he’s embarrassed about what he said to his online boyfriend. The fact you ARE HIS ONLINE BOYFRIEND!

Dave is just made to fester in his own misery with you.


	3. The Effects Are Already Setting In

It's Wednesday, it's takeout day!

You open up your apartment door and hold up a large plastic bag and a large paper cup.

Dave is sitting on the couch, he turns his head and looks up at you as you shut the door with your foot. 

You happily cheered, "I bought hush puppies, cheese curds, chicken tenders, onion rings, fries, nuggets, mash potatoes, and were going to roll it into burritos and then dip them into this chocolate frosty." You held up the drink and gently shook it.

You deepened your voice, "come on, Launchpad. Let's Get Dangerous."

"Well have fun with that. I'm actually dieting." Dave tells you.

"Holy fuck, you were serious about that?" You groan and sigh as you shake your head. You lift up the bag high in your fist and punch it out towards Dave's direction. "I believe that it was an ancient Greek scholar that once asked, trunt down for what?"

"Jesus, John." Dave sighs, "that wasn't even funny."

"Yes, but why are you trunt down. Why?" You kept holding up the bag as you crept towards the couch, "why?" You started pulling the bag up higher as you got closer to Dave, "for what?"

Dave started laughing, "for my hot boyfriend."

You groan. "What did you like promise him that?"

"No. I have to get my six pack back before he asks for a pic."

You hunch over and groan. Dave is being such a fucking buzz kill.

_'This prank better be worth it.'_

Oh! You just got an idea!

"You know what you should do!?" You cheerfully say, "You should ask him for a pic if he asks you for one!"

"Uh-" Dave shrugs. "I don't see what your getting out here?"

"Didn't you say he was _camera shy?_ Right!? You'll be fine."

"Til he sends me something, then I'm fucked."

"Ugh! Don't you have like old photos you can send?! Just send that!" You start holding up the bag again and shake it. _"And I know that you love dipping fries in milkshakes_" You sing to him.

"Back off you lofty temptress." Dave is pushing your advances away.

"Come on! _I bought all of this for us both!" _You try to peer pressure him. "It's what all the cool kids are into these days, can't you make a vine about it?"

"John. You are... Ugh." Dave buries his face and shades into one of his hands. He silently starts chuckling, "you are like an embarrassing dad."

"Don't make those jokes." You warn him. "It'll be a dark decent and one day you'll start calling me 'daddy,' I don't want threats cause your internet boyfriend is crazy fucking jealous."

"Fuck." Dave sighed. He nodded up his head once and chuckles out, "that's my fuckin pipe dream."

You took a deep breath,.

_'So Dave is into that sort of thing. Good to know.'_

If you don't start making your burritos soon your stuffs gonna get cold or mushy. You put the frosty on the living room table and hold up the bag again,

"Join me in this fight."

"Nah." Dave ignores his call to action.

"How about I make it, we eat it and then we both start eating better." You rolled your eyes, "this is like a last hurrah."

Dave blew a laugh out of his nose.

"Like a bachelorette party for food." You raised he back higher and shook it. "Like a party in our mouths and everyone's grooving." You pump out your fists and sway your hips a bit. "Everyone's dancing, come on." 

Dave tries his best to contain his smile. "You _are_ embarrassing yourself."

"I know!" You agree. "This is going to be such a wicked shit! Like vile, evil. If we add hot sauce," you nod and say the words like you're telling a horror story at a campfire,_"we'll die."_

Dave starts cracking up. "We're not going to die if we don't eat it."

"That's the words of a quiter!" You point at him with the hand holding the bag.

"I am a quiter though, that's the point of dieting." Dave keep snickering, trying to keep his cool.

"Well... I guess I'll have to eat this delicious meal all by myself." You start walking with hopes that he will follow. You turned your back to him but you peaked your head over your shoulder.

Dave looks back at his phone, "have fun shitting your brains out in an hour."

You instantly buckle to the floor, and grab your sides.

_'He's on fucking fire today!'_

* * *

A few hours past.

You're sitting on the couch and resting with a heat pack on your stomach. 

Eating nearly all of that on your own was a fucking mistake that you blame Dave for.

You're scanning through your phone and sitting with your legs up on the couch.

You belch, louder than a hawk can screech. 

You hear laughing, Dave is looking at you.

"How you holding up?" He asks.

"I'm dying but it's a warriors death."

"How do you want your funeral to look?" Dave asks, "Norse funeral pyre on a boat? Sky burial on a mountain top?" 

"Everyone wears ghostbusters suits, the priest is slimer." You don't even look at him as you speak, you just blankly stare at nothing.

"I assume you mean actual slimer, not some guy dressed as slimer." Dave gets you.

"You know me so well." You look back down at your phone. "If you can't get him, _you_ can do the service." You gear up to start messaging Dave again.

"No prob." Dave's phone dings as he is speaking.

* * *

heeeey hot shot?

hey

ready for our next date

yep

what did you do today?

not much

made music

watched my roommate down a burrito made of fast food

oh my god jesus lord,

you have a roomie?

yeah

is it a guy?

yeah?

is he cute?

he ate a burrito made of fastfood

right, you said that.

and then dipped it in a wendys frosty

god

why couldn't i have accidentally messaged him instead

he sounds like a dreamboat

ha

well sorry i won the lottery

youre stuck with me

hmm

i'd say i came out the winner here.

thats a nice white lie

oh booo!

booooooooo!

what

this is the least sexy thing you've said to me yet!!!

don't look down on yourself!

i wouldn't cyber date a guy i didn't think wasn't worth the time!

don't insult ME by talking shit about yourself!

thinking that i would date a loser. Fuck you!

oh shit

am i about to get another angry face

you fucking know it baby.

>:)

god

every time i talk to you you make me laugh

* * *

Dave is smiling and chuckling at his phone.  
At least it's not a lie.  
You'll hit him with something else that isn't a lie.

* * *

you know

you're my favorite boyfriend that i've ever had

ditto

duh

ha

coming from me im sure that isnt a complement

a lot of things you say aren't complements,

but i like when you're sweet.

AND WHEN YOU DON'T TALK DOWN ABOUT YOURSELF!

damn it

>:(

there's a lot of things about you that's cool!

hey, tell me more about yourself!!

i'll tell you about how cool you are!

also i want to brush up on my strider!

how do you know my last name?

* * *

**SHIT! **

Wait...  
He uses his real name for his music! Ha!

* * *

it was on the link you sent

you think i wouldn't remember the name of my boyfriend?

and it's such a hot name too.

you think that?

like a pornstar name

doesn't even sound real

actually...

a lot of things about you sound made up. white hair, red eyes, and an indie music career

if i wasnt the person who messaged you first i would have thought it was a ruse to impress me

well i am trying to impress you

awwwwwwwww

i get it!

you're sweet!

shut up.

tell me more about yourself!

i'm originally from houston

oh my fucking god, ya'll!

do you have an accent!?!

sorry no

oh damn well at least tell me that you rode horses and wore boots

i was from the city

DAMN IT

well i can at least tell people i have a southern boyfriend and they will fill in the blanks themselves

let em dream?

OH!!

just like you with me!

is it cool if i ask where you live?

america

oh no fuckin way

that really narrows it down for me

west coast

oh that does narrow it down

where though?

hmm

* * *

You know Dave's gonna press you unless you distract him.  
Gotta jingle some keys in front of his face.

* * *

what a boring line of questions...

i know! do you like tea or coffee better?

i'm guessing coffee?

or was that thing you said to me just a joke?

part of it was a joke

which part...?

the part where i like coffee

of course

so are you a tea guy like me then?

AJ

what?

apple juice

that's what i thought you meant

i

cannot

believe

that you are THIS CUTE!!!

ditto?

that is such a childish answer, i love it!

i mean!

how old are you? 

22

Ha! shit i'm 21

and you already suck jock cock for sport?

ohhhh buuuuuddy you don't even know the half of it!

* * *

_'half of it being a straight up lie...'_  
Yeah... and you think you better say a few things to ease his mind since you have the chance right now.

* * *

but just in case you're all up in arms about it,

or going to be up my ass about it later,

i always used protection

no man i was ever with was worth the risk...

so anyway...

you into sports?

if the sport is embarrassing myself in front of you

Oh! you are an athlete!

i was never into sports myself

but oh boy you are so good i bet you could go pro!

and i think i might go to bed

short date

i just thought i'd end on a high note.

plus... if i don't stop talking with you now,

i think i could go on forever.

ok

night

goodnight, hot stuff.


	4. Better Living

You've been messaging Dave constantly, you always have to remind yourself to keep it 'sexy' and not too friendly but Dave is so fucking hilarious. You've been talking for several days now and he's getting to be pants shittingly funny.

Dave's been out a lot to work out at the gym. You've been cooking up peppers, veggies, rice, quinoa, fish, and protein, protein, protein.

Dave's definitely obsessed with scarfing down different types of proteins now, but you also buy him fruits and carrots to mindlessly snack on when he gets into his music.

After the hard week of busting his ass, he's got the abs back now. He's proudly walking around the house shirtless. You always roll your eyes whenever he comes out from his room and brags about going on a brisk jog around the block. 

Well, even if Dave gets pissed off at your little prank, you can at least point out that he's living his best life. Maybe he'll gain the confidence to really go out and look for a boyfriend now!

As of right now, you're watching a webshow, one of the guys who wrote ghostbusters is on and he's way into ufo sightings. Dave came out, thankfully clothed, and joined you. You were already sitting in the middle of the couch so Dave just sat right next to you.

Dave was messing around with his phone, you were more focused on the show then peeping at what he was looking at. Although you could always use more fuel to add to the 'convince Dave to fall for your online joke persona' fire.

You open your mouth and sigh as you yawn. You rub your eyes by pushing up your glasses with one of your fists. You don't see the harm in shutting your eyes for a while.

When you opened your eyes again you opened your mouth wide and silently yawned. You smacked your lips together and readjusted yourself on Dave's shoulder. Wait! Dave's shoulder!? You sit up and blink your eyes several times. Dave seemed like he was focused on his phone, he looked up from his cell. "Oh, hey. You're up. You missed that he slept with a ghost."

"Huh?" You sat up. You rubbed sleep out of your eyes and pretended not to be shocked at falling asleep on your roommate. "I'll watch it later."

You sat up. 

"I need to go to bed, g' night." You yawned and walked off.

"Night." Dave waved you off, still focused on his phone.

Maybe he's waiting to hear from his boytoy again.

You guess you can brush your teeth on the toilet and message him a lil something, something.

* * *

okay...

midnight confessions

i might have looked at more of your music on youtube.

your OLD music

k

and i found a picture of you

thats fine

well it killed my dream guy...

sorry to disappoint you

you didn't disappoint me

you're better.

* * *

Took Dave a more than a few moments to respond.

* * *

k

i'll be honest...

after you said something really bizarre to me, 

the piss thing?

right, the piss thing.

anyway

i thought that you would look kind of gross.

but you look...

well you know how you look

like a awkward loner?

like a handsome loner.

still don't buy that your eyes are actually red though...

i'll be real, it is a cool gimmick.

kay

i guess you dont have to believe that i have red eyes

just so long as i picture you like that?

sure

but

hey

in the honor of fairness

think you can send me a pic?

nope

you get the privilege of having your own special mental image of me in your head.

i mean i still kind of do too...

i don't know too much about what you look like outside of a few profile pics.

you could have abs underneath that shirt!

i do

normally i would shh you for ruining my mental image of you,

but this time i'll let you off with a warning.

gonna let me off because i get you off?

christ the lord,

you are lucky you're cute.

ok so

if you dont want to show me a pic thats fine

but at least tell me more about how you look

i guess that's fair,

how about i answer yes or no questions then?

that way its still like a game!

god

you are cute

hmmm...

>:I

shit

you are so cute

do you have short hair?

yes

glasses

yeah

fuck me

do you like have body hair or do you like wax?

that's not a yes or no question.

do you have body hair?

* * *

You just gave away that you have glasses... which Dave seemed excited about.  
You think to yourself that you should start editing your look just a little bit so Dave won't catch on.  
Also... since you know _he_ waxes he might like if you say you do too.

* * *

no

cool

how bigs your cock?

like more than six inches?

OKAY SOMEONE is a bit TOO excited,

sorry i'm not going to tell you how big my dick is, man.

just say yay or nay

you know that i can turn off my phone?

why don't i do that?

if you dont want to answer thats fine

i wont make you...

thank you

admit that you have an micro penis.

* * *

You fight the erge to tell him 'I'M GOING TO KICK YOUR FUCKING ASS!' or yelling at him that you **are** six inches.

Instead you do what would really hurt him.

* * *

byyyyyeeeee dave

wait

what was that?!

you're cutting out!

uh

i can't make out anything youre saying!

i'm going through a tunnel!

wait

byyyeeeeee!!!

* * *

Yeah fuck that noise.


	5. Prepaired for this

You invited Dave to come shopping with you. He works from home, he's got no excuse for why he can't leave the house for like an hour. You don't expect much, just that he fucks around in a store with you while you shop for food, you're going to cook with him in mind anyway. 

On top of that you want to fill the house with food and you would rather Dave drive you than you bike. Plus, you hate wandering around in the city on your own. It feels so cramped and big sometimes. That's why you're glad that you met Dave when you moved to the east coast. He's no stranger to cities, he's taught you a lot about how to get around. He even walked you through how to defend yourself in a fight if you need to. Dave's always got your back and he's probably your only 'friend' friend that you have in real life and not online. Everyone else is kind of an acquaintance or a buddy. Dave is honestly you're first real 'bro.'

"I noticed that you haven't been playing any pranks on me in a while, is something up with you, John?"

Your mind snaps back to what you're doing once Dave speaks. You both were walking together down the breakfast cereal aisle. You were pushing the cart yourself, with Dave walking besides you.

"_No_... I've just been busy... working on something." You confess, you aren't going to go into the details of it, but the look on your face probably gives away that you're working on a prank to finally get Dave.

"Well, hope it's worth the effort." Dave continues walking besides you, hunched over with his hands dug deep into his front pockets.

"It's been paying off already." You reach over and grab a box of a special, fiber brand of cereal.

You two continue to walk through the isle, joking and laughing at all of the stupid looking breakfast mascots. Dave gets into a long rant about how ugly some of the food packaging designs look. You roll your eyes and smile as you listen to him go off.

You walk through the chip aisle looking for rice crackers and veggie straws. You can't help but notice that the lays chips have new flavors.

"Biscuits and gravy?" You hold up a bag and examine it. "Is that like a canon addition to the lays chip story-line?" You ask.

You place the bag back down, "this should be the final addition to the lays saga. They need to end it here."

Dave started laughing through his nose, "that's been out for a long time, man."

"Shit. I've never noticed it." You scrunch up your brows.

"You're eyes were shielding your mind from that abomination." Dave nods, still with his hand in his front pocket, hunching over and trying to look all 'chill and baller.'

"Oh well... it's probably not that bad." You shrug. "If they are selling it on store shelves it can't be total shit."

Dave casually says, "they once had a cappuccino flavored one."

"Lays knows of no God."

You're mind feels blank for a moment after you said that.

You snap back into focus, "let's just grab the goods."

You look around the isle and spot some veggie chips, "health conscious snack food, ahoy."

As you pack the things into the _already_ stuffed cart Dave's phone dinged. On impulse he checked it.

"You're boyfriend message you?" You deeply chuckle a, slightly forced, fake laugh.

"No, actually this is like a weather alert." Dave pockets his phone again.

"Luck favors the prepared." You proudly say. "Let's get it started in HA."

Dave scoffs at your joke, but ends up chuckling. He can't resist laughing at your shitty attempts to be hip and down with the kids like him.

* * *

You stocked up on soup before the price gets jacked up. When you were waiting in line to pay, Dave kept showing you memes he thought you'd like, half of them were some weird ass nonsense but you laughed anyway, mostly because Dave thought it was funny.

When you leave the store you tell Dave to get gas before the lines start.

"You seem prepped." Dave told you as he drove. "Didn't think you knew anything about hurricanes... You've been through one before?"

"Nope. Never." 

Dave's eyes were focused on the road as you spoke, assuming he was under his shades, he's at least looking at the road.

"My dad just gave me a run down of everything to expect before I moved... that and I fucking love storm chasers, you know that!" You lightly slapped his elbow. "I made you watch like so many videos with me about tornados and shit! Were you not paying attention!?"

"I was probably on my phone." Dave shrugged.

You scoff at him, "AUGH." He never watches anything you show him, that and he shits on your taste in movies and... just about everything._ 'Jerk.'_

"Hey," Dave gets your attention again. "We'll do whatever you say, man. 's not like I'm going to look down on you for being a doomsday prepper."

"I'm not a doomsday prepper!" You smack his arm again. "I'm just prepped for the worst... WAIT! I mean the worst damage that_ this_ storm can do!"

"It might not even hit us, you know that?" Dave sighed as he lightly laughed.

"What if it does?"

"Then we'll be fine because we're going to get gas." Dave sounds like he just rolled his eyes but he's still snickering. He stopped chuckling to himself and returned his focus to the road and not your attempt at a pleasant conversation.

You kept staring at Dave as he drove, he's smiling.

He looks so much better when he actually smiled and not just did his cool guy smirk.

* * *

After you got back, you parked in the apartments garage lot. Dave helped you carry all of the bags back to your apartment. Actually, Dave carried all of them.

He told you it would be easier if you just open and hold all the doors while he carries all the bags on his arms. 

You rolled your eyes as you opened the door into the apartment's hallway and unlocked your apartments door. 

Dave looked like he wasn't struggling at all carrying all that weight. He really took to his whole, fit and healthy routine. Dave is practically always jogging or at the gym but lately he's been settling down, trying to make more music and make it perfect for his 'boytoy.' 

Dave sets everything on the kitchen island and gets to work quickly packing everything away. You helped pack somethings away, albeit much slower.

Dave is always in a rush, always ready to speed through any task. At least when you were shopping he was much more chill, but shit on the ride there and back, he drove like a speed demon. You're used to it by now but shit he always goes 90 on the highways. 

Dave always tells you, _"gotta go with traffic." _ to which you replied, _"yeah, and when they crash you'll crash with traffic too!"_

Dave is still speeding through putting everything away. He grabs a package of redbull that your hand was already on. He looks up at you and smiles when he notices that you were about to grab it. "I've got this man. You go settle down."

You raise your brow as you look off to the side, Dave is right about to do that thing where he says that 'you always cook all the time' and he feels like he owes you.

"It's okay, you always cook for me so-"

You scoff. _'Right on cue.'_

"Yeah, no." You start grabbing onto the small plastic bag filled with peppers. "You never know where to put everything. Plus, you paid for all of this." 

When you are done packing everything away Dave settles in his room and you settle down in yours.

He's always trying so hard to 'demonstrate' that he's a good friend. He tries a bit too hard actually... you think he might have a pretty shitty and low perspective of himself. That's why he tries so hard to be cool, but you do like that he doesn't feel like he needs to fit in with the crowd. He's been doing his own thing and his fans online really like his stuff... even if you don't.

Also, Dave apologizes over just about everything, even when he did nothing wrong. He always jokes about everything too, especially himself. You hate that he seems so down on himself... that's why you've been hyping him up as Dave's silly, cutsie 'boyfriend.' 

You started telling him that i wouldn't date a guy who was annoying, you just say things that are annoying from time to time... because you seem so down on yourself. and i think you deserve better, i'm sorry that you don't.

When this prank is over you're going to tell him about how you aren't building him up to knock him down. You just want to help him realize that he really is the coolest guy you know. That you really do want better for him because he's always been looking out for you... but you also wanted to catch him with his pants down.

You do appreciate how hard he tries to show he cares that you cook for him and that you are there for him. Dave's been very kind to you in general for as long as you've known him. The two of you could talk for hours and joke about shit on the couch while Dave messes around on his phone and you shift through shows on hulu.

After a few hours of messing around on your laptop, you decide to give him a little something, something.

* * *

heeey sexy.

hey

how areee things?

always good when i talk to you

AWW!!!

you are so cute!!

and not just because you are actually cute!

well

you would know cute

oh not this again!

every time i message you, you go on some long winded rant about how i'm the cutest thing that ever existed and compare me to like... wait what was it last time?

youre cute like a litter of puppies wearing matching ties

but i think it be better if they were on a miniature boat ride

like they are going on some homeward bound fucking adventure 

stewart little style

OKAY! OKAY! i've gotta stop you before you go off again!

i get it! i'm cute!!!

i dont think you get how sweet and cute you are baby

how would you feel if i started ranting about shitty childhood movies and baby animals to get across the point i think you're cute when I CAME HERE to tell you i'm horny!

oh shit 

fuck

yeah lets talk about that

* * *

Ha, just dangle the carrot.

* * *

i'm not in the mood anymore.

hey

i can rant about how hot you fucking are instead

nooo, i'm good.

dont want me to rap about you wrapping your legs around me

rap?

what?

can busta rhyme about busting you open

please don't.

i can get you fuckin hot, babe.

funny, before i talked to you i was hot.

i'm kind of glad you just shimmed me down actually...

we aren't in that stage of our relationship just yet.

shit

i was so fucking horny, i was going to take a nap but i couldn't settle once i started thinking about you and how fucking good you look in your pictures! I just wanted you to feel me up and tease me till you had enough fun and forced me down to take it HARD!

AUGH!

hmm

then you said all that...

and i got bored.

i was actually ready to show you some pics too...

fuck

ffffuuck

i can tease you!

awww, i made you all excited.

i'm soooory.

i'm so bad sometimes.

fuck

you are doing this shit on purpose

whaaaaaat?

you saying i want you to be all hot for me like i was hot for you?

GOD

then not give you aaaany? just like you just did to me?

i bet you're already hard, you are so silly!

ill be whatever you want me to be

hmm... maybe think you can try and talk straight instead of ramble?

well i cant be "straight" with you man

heheheh! omg

you're like sooooo funny, dave!

yeah im funny

you like that?

are you touching yourself?!

better

im talking to you

awwww!

you aren't getting a peak at my al dente noodle just yet ;)

fuck

you are so cute

UGH!

* * *

You stop messaging him, like you're mad.  
Well... you are a little.  
You don't want Dave to call you cute all the time!  
You chuckle to yourself as you read Dave's messages trying to apologize for calling you cute all the time. You could get used to this!  
You read more of Dave's messages trying to seduce you, with comments like youve already got me hotter than satans pepper patch is that southern enough for you? i can be your cowboy if you want to take a ride with me  out of respect for Dave you lock your phone and put it down on your charger. You walk out of your room and call to your roommate,  
"I'm starting dinner! Wanna help?"  
"I'm busy!"  
You narrow your eyes.  
_'of course he is.'_

* * *

you went back into your room and grabbed your phone

* * *

now i'm reaaaaally not horny!

STOP SPAMMING ME!

don't try so hard to impress me!!

i already like you!

i know

you told me

but at least tell me what was getting you so fucking hot that you had to im me

jesus, look at just how desperate you are for me...

yeah 

that fuckin turning you on

im so fuckin needy

AURGH!

i meant that i'm shm at how you're so desperate for me!

yeah

it's strange that you are so shameless especially for a guy who apologizes so much...

AND HEY! you haven't even apologized for spamming me these messages!

and why aren't you replying now!?

sorry i was working on something

yeah "something"

something being your thingy! 

i can assure you 

im reading everything your saying

listen, i told you i don't want to sext you yet!

you arent

but your dicks in your hand!

its not

okay

then go on another rant about how cute i am

so cute

cant even find a comparison

go on

because youre the epitome of cute

uh hu

so fuckin cute

wow, you are really working hard hu?

yeah

can't even focus on ranting about me?

what can i say

when i work hard

i fuckin go hard

hey why don't i talk about my day with you instead!

sound good?

i talked with my dad earlier but i didn't tell him about 'us' yet.

k

he doesn't know i like guys yet either so there's that too.

yeah

you aren't listening to this you are just scrolling up to read the good parts and replying to these to make it look like you're listening.

yeah

hmm shame, i was starting to feel bad about teasing you.

ok

i guess you really don't want to talk with me, or play around with me...

yeah

hmmm, you ignoring me so you can jack off is actually making me a bit hot.

uh hu

too bad that you aren't reading these at all, i guess i'll just play around with myself on my own for a while.

ok

bye dave

wait

why are you going so soon?

WAIT

HOLD ON

* * *

You proudly snicker to yourself.

God he is still fucking going! You hardly read the messages i can be as rough as you want! before you lock your phone you read, i can do romantic too! babe! He really wants to talk to you while he works on 'something.'

But why should you care, it's time to make dinner.

Your thinking 'shit yourself spicy curry.'


	6. Fanning the Flames

The wind is whipping against the window. The sounds of rushing winds and gushing rain water is smacking against your apartment building, causing it to shake like you are both sitting next to a violent, giant washing machine. You jump every time you hear a loud clap of thunder. Hurricanes aren't supposed to have thunder! This one must be a fucking monster. You bet the streets are already flooded but you don't have the nerve to check. 

Dave's watching the window and getting a good look at the scene. Filming the whole thing. He starts laughing when he notices something on the street. You watch him, if he's laughing it might not be that bad. Oh who are you kidding, Dave probably lives for crazy shit going down in front of him. This is all like a show to him.

You hear another loud clap of thunder and nearly scream. Dave turns his head from the window and looks back at you. You are shivering. Dave walks over to you. He grabs a blanket from the couch and wraps it around you. He sits down right besides you and pats his hand on your back to comfort you, "it's okay, man."

There was another violent clap of thunder. A giant white flash filled the room from the window and you heard something crash onto the street. You instinctively grabbed onto the closest thing to you. 

"Shit!" Even Dave was surprised. "It must have just hit a power-line."

Dave didn't even register that you are clutching onto him. You didn't either until Dave started rubbing your back again with one hand. He doesn't seem scared, but his heart is racing, must have scared the shit out of him too.

"Fuck. I left my camera recording it." Dave mutters to himself. "Awesome."

You grab onto Dave tighter as you shutter.

"Hey." Dave keeps rubbing your back. "It's okay."

You were holding on tightly to him, you didn't mean to bury your head into his chest but your heart is beating a million miles a second. You shiver and gasp. Trying to calm yourself as Dave rubs your back. Dave started to caress you with both of his arms now. Trying to comfort you as you recover from your fright.

You move back slightly. You lift up your head. You lightly whimper out, "i'm sorry."

Dave pulls you closer to him, "don't worry about it, big guy."

You buried your face into his chest again as he rubbed your back.

Dave is always so kind to you...

* * *

you were caught in the hurricane yesterday!!!?

yeah

why didn't you tell me you got hit last time we talked?

dont know

didnt want you to worry

are you okay!?

hows your car?

do you have enough food?

can you leave your place?

slow down

obviously im fine if im talking to you

no i cant leave yet

yes i have food

and my cars in the parking garage

all good here

oh thank god

youre really worried hu?

i guess you had me pegged.

i'm the nervous type.

but you arent nervous about getting pegged?

OH FUCK OFF!

if you're making stupid jokes like that you really must be fine!

i am always good so long as i talk with you

flattery will get you everywhere,

maybe if you're a good boy i'll help you get it up and get off.

well you already helped me get it up

step 2 you have to earn though...

i'll give you a little something to work with if you agree to play nice.

PLAY NICE MEANS NO SHITTING ON YOURSELF!

can't fucking get it up when you do that shit.

you want to get it up?

no, not right now.

this is just for you

i want to tease you as a "you survived the hurricane gift."

i'm just letting you know,

talking down about yourself is my number one turn off.

how about i force you to go down?

HEY not for me!

this is for you!

right

how about you force me to go down?

HA!

yeah keep laughing at me

im getting there

ohhh like being humiliated?

well i like you dont i?

are you saying that i'm not nice!?

that i try to humiliate you on purpose?

and that it gets you really hot?

fuck

youve got me

you really think i'm not nice?

you can be downright cruel babe

what!?

:( 

daddy! that's so mean!

FUCK

that's enough fuel to your fire. have fun with that.


	7. After That

Well, once you were able to go out again you had to start going back to work.

The streets were flooded for a long while, only upside is that you saw a family of ducks swimming across the street outside your window. You called Dave over to check it out!

There were so many ducklings going down the water. You were happy the powerlines were the first thing to get taken care off. If they would have gotten hurt your heart wouldn't be able to take it, something you let Dave know. He smiled softly at you when you told him, a soft gentle smile. You love when he smiles at you like that... 

Well. When you were finished with work you thought you'd text Dave on the way home as his little 'plaything' or rather, _Dave_ was your little plaything.

* * *

hi babyboy!

hey babe

did you miss me?

you kidding?

every moment im thinking about you

OHHH!

you are a little smoothie!

smoothie?

charmer

wow, context clues!

you really think im a charmer?

mmhmmm

you really got me there with that one...

in that case

what would you say if i suggested that we kick this "sexy cyber dating" up a few notches?

i'd say, "what do you have in mind?"

* * *

Actually you'd say, **'SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT MOTHERFUCKING SHIT SHIT SHIT!'**  
Dave just send you a photo of his dresser, on top of which there was a collection of several sex toys, most of them vibrators of a variety of shapes, sizes and colors. You had no idea Dave had all of this! Is that... **anal beads!?** He has like over thirty different... **vibrators?**  
UGH! 'this is all for the prank, this is all for the prank.'  
Still... you can't believe that Dave has all this stuff!

* * *

i have more on a shelf

more!?

well you are a man who likes variety,

i can respect that.

thanks

but id take your cock anyday

* * *

_'DOES HE **HAVE** TO SAY THAT?!'_

* * *

oh shush!

pick out the one that sticks out to you

ha, dave

i said i wasn't going to play any games with you yet...

you dont have to pick one out if you dont want to man

but i thought this "sexy penpals thing" could really start soon

really kick this shit off with a BANG

hmmm

oh man... a bang..?

but there’s toooooo many...

how bout NONE?

because i TOLD YOU that i'm not going to be participating in doing anything ACTUALLY naughty yet!!!

at least answer one question

ok???

how big are you?

are you honestly going to do what i think you're going to do with the information i'm probably not going to give you?

who knows

i do

i know i know your game.

if you want to play with yourself play by yourself!

yeah no problem

thats the idea

>:(

go fuck yourself with the biggest one!

thats like

10 inches

wow...

wow

that impresses you?

wow...

my virigin boyfriend can take it...

i told you i work hard

doesn't that hurt though?

wouldn't you know?

* * *

Shit! You have to think of something quick!

* * *

umm...

but...

daddy

i don't know, if it hurts 'you' bad...

it hurts me good

* * *

"UGH."  
You groan at that._ 'werido'_  
But it seems like you managed to save yourself.

* * *

you like when it hurts good?

you already know the answer to that question.

oh?

sounds like you had enough fun playing around with me already

yep.

good because i cant fucking hold on any longer after you called me daddy again

yooou are soooo easy.

easy for you

good. you should be.

* * *

Seems like Dave must be_ busy..._

You sigh.

You should take the long route home. Maybe grab a quick snack?

You grab something small from a local deli, after work you are starving but too hungry to eat anything big.

You don't bother checking if Dave messaged you.

You just listen to something on your headphones on the walk home. 

When you get to your apartment you decide to walk up the steps instead of use the elevator. You're making sure you can give Dave more time. 

As you're stepping up the stairs, Dave messages you again.

* * *

want to know how it went?

did you just finish now?

ehh

i took a shower after

worked up a sweat

wow

all on your own

not really

i thought about you for just about all of it

did you moan out "babe"

damn thing was so big i couldnt moan anything but screams

Ah!

and you’re a virgin?!?

yep

you aren’t just saying that?

why?

is me being a virgin a turn on for you?

ha. sure.

wanna take my innocence?

you know i like guys who can pound me right?

i can do anything you want and go deeper baby

ha okay.

sure.

how about you?

you home now

uh yeah?? just got off work.

you gonna play around with yourself and tell me how good it feels?

nooooope.

but if i do, you'll be the first to know.

* * *

You keep making your way up the steps and into your apartment floor. 

Dave is still messaging you about how good everything was.

You sigh as you start unlocking your door.

Maybe Dave will stop spamming you when you're done heating up your leftovers for dinner.

He can sit down with you and tell you all about how 'cool and funny' his boyfriend is too.

Yeah that's what's going to happen. 

You roll your eyes as you walk inside and shut the door.


	8. The Beginning of the End

You've been talking with Dave everyday.

Well _you_ talk with Dave everyday but Dave's 'boyfriend' is talking to Dave a lot lately. 

You always find yourself laughing at your phone and smiling whenever he texts.

* * *

really? i thought you only liked rap?

well sometimes i just listen to that music to like

feel calm?

i didn't read you as someone who liked piano music

well what can i say

im full of surprises

ha! and not just bullshit!

* * *

Sometimes he wants to get a bit frisky with you but you keep telling him no, you two aren't really ready to actually cyber yet!

If Dave is trying to be frisky you tell him you're in public.

* * *

dave!

i don't want to get excited in public!

you saying im getting you hard?

i'm saying you're about to!

let me know when youre in a bathroom then

ha! okay i'll just go jack off in a stall!

sounds good

to you! not to me!

tell me more about your music.

* * *

Over the days you've found yourself eager to message Dave more and more.

Dave seems so happy to talk with his boyfriend.

You send him messages at random sometimes just to let him know how you're doing and that you miss him but you can't talk. Dave seems really happy when you send him those during dinner.

* * *

you like AJ right?

shits the best

why you ask?

cause i bought some to drink for myself.

really

reminds me of you

* * *

You love talking to him whenever you're on break.

Whenever you're in bed.

Whenever you're out.

Whenever you're in.

While you sit down on the couch and while he unknowingly sends you messages.

Just like right now, you're resting on the other side of the couch.

Your back resting on a pillow as you lay on the sofa.

Dave is across from you, happily reading your messages.

* * *

dave honestly...

you are the funniest

pretty humble of you to say

whys that?

cause you are

no! you are!

god you are so cute

you say that all the time!

hehehe

and you still dont like it?

of course i don't!

* * *

After he sent that you started giggling. You have to play it off like you were laughing at something you just read on your phone. Which _is true_ sooo....

You looked up and smiled at him, "sorry. I just read something funny."

"Don't apologize, man. You're good." Dave tells you. 

You bite your lips together to stop yourself from smiling. 

Dave keeps staring at you for a moment, giving you a kind gentle smile, just like always.

Dave looks down at his phone and starts sending you messages again.

You have to take a moment before you acknowledge he sent you something.

You keep staring at his covered eyes, he's always wearing those shades you bought him years ago. You guess he really appreciated the gift.

He is sweetly smiling down at his phone.

When he smiles like that... it always gets you to smile brightly too...

Dave starts frowning. He's waiting on a reply from his boyfriend.

He looks so miserable waiting on a reply from him...

You start messaging him. 

You look up to see if he seems better, he's chuckling.

You look back down at your phone, struggling to smile.

His boyfriend really makes him happy...

* * *

When you went to bed that night you couldn't sleep.

You couldn't rest.

Something was seeping into your head.

Thoughts of Dave.

Thoughts of how he was wearing the shades you gave him.

Thoughts of how even when his face is blank you can tell when he's happy and when he's miserable.

Thoughts of how he's such a close friend.

Thoughts of how you've lived with him for such a long time.

Thoughts of how you could just mess all of that up with this prank. 

Thoughts of how you might be the cause of what is going to kill your friendship.

You have to message him.

* * *

how are you doing today, baby?

good

nervous though

and why's that?

april first is coming up soon

huh? it is?

yeah and my roommate is violently into pranks

violently?!

pranks are his life blood

he gets intense about it every year

i knew him for about a month and then

at random

he handed me apple juice

and?

and it was piss

must have been a good day for you than

anyway

his pranks always get more and more intense

ha. does he ever get you good?

never

thats why im scared

he might actually fuckin get me this time

well... maybe he won't

i doubt it

if he hasn't before, why do you think he'll get you now?

cause he knows me so well

he'd know how to get to me

he knows you well hu?

really.

what?

focus more on surviving april first.

shit i am biting my nails over here

fuckin living in fear of his pranking wrath

yeah?

maybe you should be scared of his wrath

what do you mean by that

just saying i'm scared for you.

well thanks for THAT

i'll be with you in spirit, my darling.

y

eah

i meant

yeah

you can be so silly sometimes.


	9. A Little Budge

Dave hasn't come out of his room yet.

He slept in later than usual, he had the nerve to sleep past breakfast!

And you made waffles from scratch too!

Dave finally walked out, you were sitting down on the couch and messing around with your laptop.

You watched as Dave started moping around the kitchen for some reason.

Dave was searching through the cabinets for something to eat.

He kept sighing as he dug through the pile of cereal boxes. 

He just didn't seem like his mind was with him at the moment.

Maybe you said something wrong in your messages last night... 

Maybe he thinks that his boyfriend doesn’t like you...

You’ve just been dropping hints that Dave’s ‘boyfriend’ is jealous of you- because who wouldn’t be!? Clearly you're irresistible! But that’s besides the point...

Dave’s boyfriend doesn’t seem to want to hear more about Dave's best friend.

Maybe that's why he's so sad? Because Dave want's his 'boyfriend' to like you?

He's still mindlessly shuffling around the cereal boxes.

"What's wrong, Dave?"

You just come out and ask.

He seems surprised that you did, he probably didn’t notice he’s mopping.

He's always bottling up his emotions. Never letting you see how he really feels. 

You don't like that about him, if he needs to be cheered up you always want to help him cause he is your best friend and he's always there for you.

Why does Dave feel like he can't rely on you the same?

You don't worry about that right now.

You worry more about cheering him up! 

Dave looked down at the cereal box in his hand as he put it back on the shelf.

"I'm fine." Dave seems like he doesn't want to talk about it, seems that way. You know that he does.

"You don't sound fine." You sit down at the kitchen island. Waiting on him to say more.

"It's just." Dave keeps looking into the cabinet.

Dave takes a breath through his nose, "it's that.... my boyfriend keeps putting off actually sexting me."

"Oh." You look down at your hands, resting on the counter. “Uh... um... I'm not sure what to ask..." You confess as you look back up at him.

Dave shakes his head and then turns his head to look at you, the shades you gave him still placed on the bridge of his nose.

"I followed your advice, I won’t send him any pics until he asks and I'm not going to send him any pics unless _he_ does, but he... he doesn't seem interested in pushing things further with me..."

"Did he say something about that?" You ask. "Is he honestly not interested in sex with you?"

"Yes... but it's like... sex is just something he's dangling in front of me. Like our relationship is part of... some game." Dave shakes his head. "I might be wrong but he seems like he gets a kick out of toying with me."

"Oh... Dave." You stand up and walk towards him.

You had no idea that this was hurting him so much.

You are right about to hug him when-

"I mean, I get off to it but it's really starting to get to me."

"Oh." You stop walking towards him after you hear those words.

"I mean," Dave continues. "I tell him all the time how I get off." 

"Oh." You say the words like you're a bit surprised. You're more surprised that he admitted it to _you_. "Yeah...?"

"It's just when I really, honestly start on sex shit, he sounds like he doesn't want to hear it. Like he thinks I'm annoying him."

"Well... Dave... you know you can send a lot of messages sometimes." You tell him. 

"I know." Dave sighs. "But I just get a bit... overwhelmed by him. He's like... like... I don't know how to explain it." 

Dave shakes his head and looks down at the ground.

"I'm honestly fine, John."

Dave never talks about anything sexual with you, his best friend, so the fact he confessed that all to you just now makes you feel like this is really weighing on his mind. 

You might… you might give him a break.

You were thinking about doing this for a while and seeing him so sad just makes you think it's time for this.

Plus it’s for the prank after all… and he’s already sent you worse.

When you tell him it's a prank you'll have egg on your face too then!

* * *

After work you head over to a tex mex place for a quick bite...

but before you buy anything.

You head into the bathroom.

It's one that you already knew had nothing but a toilet and a mirror.

You paid for a body wax for this.

For just this.

This is the most effort you’ve ever put into a prank.

Hell, this is the most effort you’ve ever put in for anyone!

This prank BETTER be worth it!

You take off your jacket and your shirt.

You revealed the entire top half of your body.

You try hard to angle the camera just right so you get a photo of only your waist and your top in the mirror. You notice that your pants are still slightly visible so you pull them down a bit along with your boxers.

They dropped to the floor once you unbuckled your belt. You must have lost weight.

Now you are entirely naked.

You raise up your arms, posing and revealing your body for Dave, you are ready to send the photo once you’re sure there’s no real hints that it’s you.

"Okay." 

You were ready to send the photo to Dave but...

You notice that you really do look _good_.

You're really slim. From the angle you are in, you're relieving that your belly has a small dent. There is a slight shine on your body from the fluorescent lighting of the bathroom. Your waist has a small dip and you look fairly feminine.

You're sure that Dave is really going to like this!

Man when he finds out that he's jacking off to a photo of you he might actually get a bit of a crush on _you!_

You look a bit _too_ good.

You start messaging Dave again once you are dressed.

* * *

heeeey!

hi babe

what did you do today?

work on my music

trying hard to get it to sound right

any luck?

no

its just too difficult to get it to feel anything like how i feel about you

awwww

nothing i make feels as good as i do when i talk to you

but you're still up for the challenge?

yeah

im really struggling here

hard work deserves a good reward.

* * *

You sent Dave the photo the same moment you sent those words.

* * *

god

fuckin

damn

you like it?

thank you for the greatest gift of my life

wow get a little taste and you’re all over me!

I like that about you.

you dont even need to give me a taste for me to be all over you

at this point,

i know that...

but I do like feeling your eyes on me.

;)

ha yeah

this is going to be spank fuel for days

weeks

months

what!?

you’re not even going to ask for another photo!?

and I thought we were sexy pen pals!?

dont I need to earn it?

yes!

well I dont know how i can earn better than this

aww!

hmmm....

I like you a lot you know...

maybe write me a love letter!

and then i'll think about sending you a picture of the rest

ha

ha ha

are you having like…

a mental breakdown

ha yeah

probably

cute!

i have

i have to go

oh okay then!

have fun!!

* * *

You ordered something small for yourself and waited for it to come out of the kitchen.

You still want to make dinner today, Dave is a terrible cook and he said he wants to eat more protein.

You take a few moments to switch over to your other account and message your other friends. You aren't dumb enough to sabotage yourself by telling everyone your plan. Some of your online friends actually know Dave too.

You try to message Dave something about how you're stopping for a bite.

No reply, big surprise.

You happily finished your food and already started walking home before you got a message from Dave again.

* * *

i

oh my god I came so hard

how hard, cutie?

i have a fuckin headache

oh? what was it like when you came?!

i could hardly breathe

i still cant catch my breath

what did you do the whole time?

i sat on my vibrator, jacked off with one hand and stared at your fuckin hot ass motherfucking body the entire time

you seem like you're still. excited.

my whole world just came crashing down babe

i might not be right in the head for weeks

i wasnt kidding about this being the best gift ive ever gotten

that's so sweet!!!!

i love that!

you love that?

shit if thats how we are throwing around that word than what do i feel about that photo?

you really really loved it?

fucking nailed it

you are just as smart as you are sexy

i am!?

i already have glasses,

maybe i should dress up as a sexy teacher!

is that a joke or real?

because my dick is already destroyed

i cant take much more of this

your dick is destroyed? but we haven't even gotten started.

ha

ha ha ha

am i alive right now?

was this whole thing a dream?

am i in a coma?

well i'm pretty sure i'm real.

ohhh, maybe we're in a simulation!

might be

but babe all i need is that fucking stimulation

if your playing games keep up the manipulation

cause i have more than just a passing fascination with fornication if its from your illustration

awwwww! a love poem!

you giving me a demonstration of your motivation after your ejaculation?

holy shit

you said a guy left you the wrong username?

i think he must have just misspelt something

what kind of brainless numbskull motherfucker would ever let you slip through their fingers?!

awww you are so sweet!

keep it up and i'll send you something really really fun!

what?

no spoilers!

please please please say a snapshot of your dick

I SAID NO SPOILERS, REBECCA!

oh my dick

huh?

i cant take much more of this

a photo of you

and now memes

you are killing my dick right now

hmm

what are you going to do when i send you a pic of mine?

OH NO!

SPOILERS!

my god

ohhh

okay you dragged it out of me...

if you seduce me, ill get myself hard for you and show proof!

seduce you?

that’s an option? for real?

well, dave.

it's a actually team effort.

we both have to get to that point together!

hope i get to the mother fuckin mountain top

heard mother fuckers talk,

seen 'em drop.

baby

you arent even trying 

and you are already my god

* * *

Wow...   
Dave** is** easy.

* * *

i get it you “worship” me...

yep

its official now

so you give your heart up so easy or is that a joke?

thats for you to find out

hahaha 

well... i'm no stranger to jokes.

I know every joke has a shred of truth.

caught me

* * *

**"HUH!?"**

* * *

gotta go babe

my roommates making dinner tonight

so i should vacuum before he gets back

oh, housework.

aren't you dying at the moment?

baby im not even sure i am alive

you are.

hugs and kisses.

shit are you saying goodbye or starting my love letter for me?

thoughts of you are like hugs

your messages are like kisses

awww, that's sweet!

shit no

i can do better

dont let me write more

then say "bye"

bye babe

hugs and kisses.

* * *

You stare down at your phone.

Your eyes struggle to read back what just happened.

What Dave just said.

You asked Dave if he gave up his heart and then you joked about that being true... 

After he admitted that you were catching onto him, then he told you he needed to vacuum as and 'out' for the conversation.

April fools day is soon...

You...

You don't know what you're going to do...


	10. Think This Thing Through

"What do you two talk about?" You just asked Dave about his 'boyfriend.'

You were sitting down on the couch across from your best friend. Doing your best to push what Dave confessed to your online persona out of your mind.

"Nothing really, just stuff." Dave shrugged.

"So like... 'how was your day' kind of stuff?" You shuffled in your spot.

"Yeah." Dave sounded like he, himself, was bored.

"Well don't be boring!" You slapped his chest lightly with the back of your hand. "Tell him about your life!" 

"He knows I make _music..?"_ Dave makes that sound just like a question, like he's asking if that's enough.

“Yeah?” You ask, “and what else does he know about you?”

“Okay." Dave admits, "he knows a lot more about me than I do about him.” 

“Doesn't that bug you?” You add extra infliction to your voice as you ask, “don’t you want to know more?”

“Of course, I want to know everything I can about him... but there’s a time for everything... I think I can wait for him to tell me when _he_ feels ready.”

“So you are taking things slow?” You ask.

“Yep.” Dave lightly sighed out of his nose.

"Doesn't sound like you." You tilt your head. "You're normally impatient."

Dave lightly sighs, "this is important to me... and I don't want to put pressure on him."

“Well... maybe that’s for the best.” You shrug like you don’t know what’s honestly for the best. “But can you actually tell me more about what you _do know_... like if he’s so funny what kind of jokes does he tell? Does he like comedy? Do you know if he-"

“I don’t know.” Dave interrupted you. He scratched the bridge of his nose and then started biting down on his pinky nail. "He just **is** funny."

“Okay.” You gesture with your hand as you speak, “at least tell me a joke that he told you so I get his sense of humor.”

“I told you that stuff is private.” Dave brushes you off.

“How am I supposed to believe that he’s funny when you make it seem like everything between you two is only about **sex**? You just sound like a ditzy giggly blonde! Do you laugh at all his jokes just because you want _some _or is he really funny? -and how can I just take your word for it that he's funny, come on you can at least tell me one of his jokes!?”

“uhhh...” Dave isn’t sure how to respond to any of that. “Well he makes jokes to... respond to the things I say, they don’t really work out of context- I don’t know.” Dave is trying to defend his interest in his boyfriend's jokes.

"Does he know you have a brother?" You tilt your head and adjust your glasses as you ask him. "if you two _are_ serious, maybe he should know about your bro."

You mean, _he did_ raise Dave, that might be a conversation starter.

"No." Dave looks at you like you asked something crazy. "I didn't even tell my bro I'm dating someone. He would go nuts. **You know** how crazy intense he can be."

“Jesus, yeah.” You know that he is overprotective of Dave.

You recall that the only time you ever spoke to Dave's older bro in person was when he was visiting. The man threatened to hurt you if you pull any shit on Dave. Well... he was more specific than that. The exact words were, 

_"I'll put this in words that even you can follow: You touch him. He says 'stop.' You don't. You lose your life."_

You still can hear his voice from that exact moment. Dave had to talk him down and tell Dirk that you are straight... but he just kept glaring at you behind those shades. Those fucking shades. Crossing his arms with those muscles, those muscles. He looked like he could rip your head off of your neck and pull out your spine. He looked like he was ready to do it. You knew he wanted to. You knew Dave was holding him back.

You could just feel it. You could just feel his hate.

Dave pats your shoulder, you snap out of your train of thought.

"You okay, man?" Dave asked you, with compassion in his voice.

"I can get why you don't want him talking with your bro." You blankly look ahead and nod. "You shouldn't tell_ that man_ about any of this."

"I probably never will." Dave nods back at you.

Oh god you feel so relieved. You sigh and place your hand over your heart.

Dave must have noticed that.

You tell him, "I don't want you to lose your first boyfriend from murder."

Dave chuckles. He gets how much you care about him.

Dave is still laughing while he tells you he has to take a "wicked piss, like angry." 

"Try to contain it's fury." You smile as you watch him get up.

"It's like a fire hose and I'm in one of those beefcake firemen calendars." Dave shook his head. "It'll be a battle."

You laugh as he leaves you tell him, "you'll win. I know it." 

You both chuckle as the two of you pat.

The moment he gets to the bathroom and closes the door you contemplated messaging him again, you ultimately voted against it.

If he wants to start talking with his 'boyfriend' again you won't be able to really spend 'bro time' with Dave. 

You would just be sitting on the couch across from Dave and flirting with him till he gets hot and leaves to go jack off... _again._

When Dave got back the two of you talked about your day, every conversation circles back to how cute Dave's boyfriend is and how _hot_ his 'babe' is. He mentioned how hot he looks so you think it's okay to ask this,

"soooo.... have you seen what he looks like?"

Dave happily confessed, "he took a photo of himself for me." 

You were laying on the couch right across from where he was sitting.

"Oh!" You sit up and happily ask, "can I see it?!"

"No." Dave instantly replies.

"Ohhhhh, it's one of _those_ things." You smile and nod. _You know what's up._

"Sort of... But I can show you the background."

"Hu? Why?" You feel a bit surprised. You're trying hard not to show your worry.

"Look." Dave hands you his phone.

Shit. There is a mural in the background at the tex mex place you ate the other day.

"He might live around here." Dave sounds a bit excited, even for how monotone he usually sounds.

"Oh... well might be a little_ creepy_ to ask where he lives so soon. Do you even know his name yet?"

"He didn't tell me." Dave admits. "But I'm hoping that I can get closer to him..."

"That's..." You glance over to the side. "that's really sweet of you." 

Dave is very committed to this character you made.

Before Dave can notice that you just looked a little uneasy you perk up and smile.

"Hey!" You grab Dave's attention, "Can I message your boyfriend?"

"Hu? Why?" Dave asks.

"I want to introduce myself!" You try reaching for his phone.

"No." Dave swipes his phone back and dangles it away from you. “John. Stop.”

You try to climb on top of him to reach for it. You laugh when he pulls it further back.

"Sorry." Dave denies you the right, "you can talk to him when he asks to talk to you."

"But Dave! I want to get to know your _'babe!' ”_ You gasp, “I can get a feel for what he's like and then I can help you**_ romance_** him!”

”Ha. Okay.” Dave sounds unimpressed, “Sure.”

“Write him a song!” You excitedly slap Dave's arm.

"I'm trying." Dave sighs and looks down at the sofa. "I can't get anything to sound right."

You lower your brows and tilt your head. He is honestly getting worked up.

"Fine. I'll back off." You roll your eyes and sigh.

Pretending that Dave rejecting your offer to meet your boyfriend wasn't exactly what you wanted.

You sigh, "at least tell me about him."

"Okay." Dave shakes his head slightly. "He's really sweet, always teasing me with jokes and _**everything else** _is private between us."

"Dave!" You groan. "You need to work on that. If your bro calls and asks specifically if you are dating you have to say more than just **that!** He'll think you're just sleeping around."

"That's my business. Not his." 

You give him a look, a look saying_ 'really think that will fly, bitch?'_

"Okay. You're right." Dave can't just blow that off. 

"Just make it brief. Like an elevator pitch." You help him through this.

"He's very sweet." Dave answers.

"Good. But why?" You ask him to elaborate.

"Becauseeee..." Dave holds onto the syllable until he finds the words to say, "he always tells me to have a better view of myself."

"He does!? I love that!" You cheer. "What exactly does he tell you?"

"Says, he wouldn't date a guy who wasn't fun to talk to, shit like that."

"_SHIT?_ I don't think that's _shit!_" You slap him hard with the back of your wrist. 

"I meant shit like stuff." Dave smiles at you, he must like that the 'two' of you care so much about him.

"That's not stuff either! Dave if this guy tells you that you should hold yourself in a higher esteem than I love this guy!" You slam your hands onto your knees as you happily ask, "what else?!" 

"He's funny, quotes memes and shit to me sometimes even though he thinks they are annoying. And he really likes poking fun of me, but never in a hurtful way. Like in a way that he's having fun with me not fun at my expense. I think he really wants me to feel good every time I talk with him but sometimes he's short with me and he can get annoyed really quick. I really like the way that he talks and he keeps sending me emojis to tell me how he's feeling. I always imagine that he's actually angrily humming when he's typing and that he's really making faces too." 

Dave started blushing, he just noticed that he just went off. 

"Sounds to me like you're really happy with him." Your words are as bright as your smile.

"Yeah... I really like him." Dave admits.

"Wow. I totally didn't know that, _mr. smiles!"_ You shove him on the shoulder. "You've been so happy and smiley." You grin and invite Dave to smile too. He takes your invitation. "How are things going with him now?" 

"Since you asked..." Dave seems a bit nervous to say, "we started doing more in our relationship recently..." 

"Oh, score big." You said in a mocking tone.

"Okay." Dave adjusts in his seat like he's about to lay something thick on you. "I'd consider scoring a photo of his **hand**, I mean his hand alone and nothing else, flipping me the fuck off.** 'scoring. big.'**" Dave added a lot of emphasis on those last two words, really laying it on thick for you. "I just scored the motherfuckin' motherload."

_"Ohhhhhh kay?"_ You say the words like you are a bit confused.

"He sent me a photo, dude and..." Dave just turned his head away from you and wiped his mouth like he's about to tell you a break through secret that could get him killed. "I shouldn't even be telling you this."

"Go on." You encourage him, albeit with a lot less emotion than Dave has in this moment. "No one will know."

"I don't know." He turns his head slightly away from you.

"Just tell me, it's not a big deal." You lean in to see his face, "what is it?"

"He sent me a photo of his bare chest." Dave tells you like he's whispering his sins, like he's afraid of damnation at the wrath of his boyfriend.

You know that his boyfriends wrath is just an emoji that has a really big frown.

He's so nervous when he says, "I think he was completely nude."

His breath feels hot against your cheek.

"Okay, don't pop a boner here." You gesture for him to back off.

"You asked!" Dave lifted up his hands.

Suddenly his phone started ringing. It was vibrating in between the two of you, jumping around on the couch cushions.

You look at his phones lockscreen. You see in bold white letters the word 'BRO.'

Every so often the guy messages Dave, he must have empty nest syndrome or something because he loves calling him like clockwork when he isn't busy with some 'project' he's doing. Dirk must have just finished his latest project. 

"Hey, bro." Dave picked up.

You couldn't hear the other end of the conversation, not that you are complaining. Still, you're nervous about how this is going to go.

"Good." There was a twinge of happiness in Dave's, usually dull, voice.

"Yeah I-" He must have gotten cut off.

"Okay, one of those things you listed is on point."

"I'm not going to tell you which-"

"Okay, but there isn't that much to say."

"I'm not going to tell you his name, I don't want you looking his shit up."

"I don't think you _can_ scare him off. He's immovable."

"No."

"The opposite, he's always telling me I should have a better view of myself..."

"Yeah, says that he wouldn't date a guy who wasn't fun to be with."

"No."

"Bro, we're taking it slow. Look- I'm not interested in getting into this with-"

**"cool." **Dave sounded really pleased at the last part to you.

"Bye, man." Dave hangs up.

He instantly turns his head to face you, "are you a psychic or did you tell him?"

You let him know, "I don't talk to him because I don't have a death wish." 

Dave laughed. "Well, he must have felt a disturbance in the cosmos. 'Dave has a boyfriend.' The impossible happened." 

"Ha." You laugh at that, a dry laugh like it isn't funny. "You have a boyfriend, the inevitable happened." You shook your head at him as you mocked him. 

"Dave." You scoffed at him. "You make music, have a great sense of style and _glowing red eyes_." You mimic the lyrics to Danny Phantom.

"So I'm much more unique than the other guys?" Dave asks, continuing your little joke.

You snort at his words and choke on your laugh for a moment. You start pepping Dave up again, "man, you just don't get out that often. That's probably the only reason some guy hasn't snatched you up till now."

"Yeah... Just glad I got a guy that I don't have that much info on too... If my bro found out anything about him, he'd call him."

"Oh God." You shake your head like you a praying for a poor soul narrowly avoiding the slaughter of getting hit by a truck.

Well... Maybe Dave's boyfriend isn't in the clear just yet, "imagine if he gets his hands on your account and starts messaging him."

"He won't." Dave sounded certain as he answers you.

Dave turned his head away and quickly muttered, "he doesn't know my info." 

"Well." Dave started talking normally to you again, "he isn't going to be calling me that often right now. He's working on another 'big project.' Good thing too... If he pressured me about my boyfriend I might let something stupid slip."

"Something stupid slip? Like what?" You poke at Dave, literally and metaphorically. 

"Stupid shit like: my boyfriend talks dirty to me more than talks normal with me."

"Wow, living the dream." You mock him.

Dave narrows his brows at you and shakes his head.

"God." You look down and whisper to yourself. "I really want to watch Danny Phantom now."

"Me too." Dave nodded several times, nodding like he's listening to a song he's getting deep into.

"Want me to make some chicken wraps and then we binge the good episodes?" 

Dave never stopped nodding from when he started. He replies with an elated, "Fuck yeah." 


	11. Electricity

For lunch you made a stack of sandwiches, you ate them with Dave on the couch while you watched some iron chef. Of course you had olives and veggie chips as a side.

You sighed and rolled your eyes as you crammed a few chips into your mouth.

Dave is still nuts about eating healthy, you're starting to get a bit tired of that. 

Dave offered you a compromise, "how about we make Wednesday, cheat day? We can like get a side at that place you like."

_'Cheat day, ha. Wednesdays are for eating a pile of filthy trash food. Not just one single order of poutine.' _

"Sure." You smiled along and nodded.

Since Dave's been eating healthy, _you have to do it too!_

You both also just got back from a short jog. He got you to actually wear a sweatband and gym shorts and knee high socks and everything. 

You don't care if your sweaty, you aren't changing till you take a shower. You hum. You're at least glad he didn't seem to notice you don't have any leg hair. You never really wear shorts anyway so why would he notice the difference. Still, the fact he's making you jog is stressing you out, he might pressure you to take off your shirt and he's probably more than used to seeing your bare chest by now. You could always say no to joining him but if he's getting fit you should to, after all this health craze is your fault.

All the health stuff isn't the only thing that's been annoying you though.

Dave's been talking nonstop about how cute and dreamy his 'boyfriend' is.

"Take my word for it, man." Dave kept rambling. "He is really fuckin' funny, like the funniest guy I know."

You get it, Dave's 'boyfriend' is the fucking best. 

You know for a fact that Dave's boyfriend is no comedian, Dave is just **_that _**easy.

Getting a laugh out of Dave is something you do every hour on the hour. It's not impressive.

If it wasn't all just a prank you'd be so annoyed. Also... if Dave didn't seem so happy.

Regardless... Dave's boyfriend is definitely super jealous of Dave living with a guy who is probably _super_ funny and_ really_ cute._ 'Probably even more cute than he is.' _

Dave's boyfriend has to be on edge about Dave's_ mysterious_ best friend.

You took a big bite of your sandwich as you thought about what 'babe' must think of you. _'He's definitely crazy jealous. yep.'_

You kept chewing onto your sandwich and stared blankly ahead at the screen, sitting cross legged on the couch and ignoring Dave's comments about how, "he's like always sending me emojis." 

_'Wow that is like the umpteenth time he's fucking said that.'_

Dave just joked that he had to piss like mad again, "I have to piss like a racehorse."

You suppressed making a joke about how his cock is big like a racehorse's too.

You snorted at the thought.

Dave thought he got you to laugh so he chuckled as he walked away.

_'He's so easy to get a laugh out of.'_

The moment he gets to the bathroom you take his phone and unlock it. 

You know Dave's passcode just like he knows yours.

You did have an agreement not to mess with his 'social media' accounts for pranks, but this is different!

This is a private chat! And plus... 'he' messaged Dave and you just happened to be here in his stead.

* * *

daddy, i just took a piss and thought of you, you perv!

thought you'd love to know that.

;)

* * *

You opened the app and switched Dave's text color to blue and messaged... _yourself._

* * *

hi!

i'm john!

i'm dave's best friend!

oh

hi

where's dave?

he's not here right now.

hey, did you know in dave's contacts he listed you as "babe?"

that's my... name.

so how are you?

fine.

cool! i'm good too!

awesome.

you seem really cool!

i mean, i don't know much about you other than what dave tells me.

so he talks about me a lot?

yeah!

dave could ghostwrite your autobiography from how often he rambles about you,

but all he does is talk in circles.

yeah...

he's cute like that...

did dave give you his phone?

um...

not exactly.

well then, i think you should put it down.

oh...

see the thing is, these conversations i would rather they be private and... you know.

ohhhhh...

um...

i already read "that" message.

and well...

dave doesn't tell me jack crap about what you two actually talk about so i thought...

um... i'd ask you directly?

...

i think you should put the phone down.

but i wanted to talk to you,

dave really likes you so i want to get to know you!

yeah so, you should talk to him first about speaking with me...

before you speak to me.

i did though!

and he said no?

uh...

so yeah...

i'm just gonna go now...

aw wait! don't go!

babe!

babe...?

* * *

Dave just finished up in the bathroom as you finished up your fake conversation.

You pocketed your own phone before he could see.

You held Dave's phone in both of your hands.

"I don't think your boyfriend likes me very much."

Dave ran up to you and swiped his phone away from your clutches.

"EGBERT!" Dave yelled at you. 

He looked down at his phone, clasped between his hands. His eyes quickly dart back and forth as they scan his account's most recent messages.

Dave took his eyes off of his screen and pulled his focus back onto you, "keep your hands off my phone!"

"Yeah, that's what 'babe' just told me." You awkwardly shrug.

You tilt your head at him as you ask, "is that really his name?"

Dave was trying to message his 'boyfriend' back. You know for sure that 'babe' isn't sending him any messages at the moment.

"Egbert." Dave sighs through his nose. 

Sounds like Dave just gave up on contacting his 'boytoy' again. 

Dave pressed a palm to his forehead and started rubbing his temples, "how would you feel if **I** read through** your** private messages?"

“You can if you want, I have nothing to hide. _Unlike you._" You pretend to laugh as you smirk. "Piss? That's so gross, Dave!”

“Shut up!" Dave is struggling to defend himself. "Aren’t you into gross shit?!” 

“Hmm… I wouldn't tell you those things unless I was wasted." You shake your head.

“What? Tell me about your straight guy vanilla shit? You like the missionary position and sex before marriage?!" Dave seems a bit worked up. "John, fuck off with this shit! Don't mess with my phone!"

“Hey!" You yell back at him. "I'm sorry I messed with your phone, but just because I don't tell you about my 'sex stuff' **_doesn't mean_** that it's boring!”

“What do you like then?” Dave lifts up his arms and then drops them, letting them both smack down to his sides. "Going through people's fucking sexts?"

_'That was not a fucking sext.' _You scoff at the thought, _'Dave actually thinks that his babe is going to give it up so early on.'_

Dave was still staring at you, expecting a response.

You quickly had to think of something to say. “Blondes- Listen- I’m not interested in telling you about my 'stuff' right now after all that! You have fun with your**_ piss_ **thing!”

“Dude!" Dave sounded offended.

You got up and started walking back to your room. You rolled your eyes as you walked.

Dave jumped to defend himself, "I’ll be honest- Hold on. Don't go-"

You stop and turn to listen to him, he seems honestly worked up about this so you'll hear him out.

You both stood in the living room, staring at each other.

Dave continues, "I’ll be honest. It started as a joke.” 

“Uh Hu?” You say that like you aren't convinced.

“But now... it’s real.” Dave sounds like he's telling you that the government is covering up aliens and he's got the evidence to prove it. "I don't know how it happened. But it did."

“Amazing.” You sound unimpressed. 

"I made a joke with my boyfriend and he made it_ **real!**" _Dave makes it sound like his 'babe' preformed a magic trick.

You point out, "probably shouldn't make so many piss jokes with me then."

"I-" Dave stopped himself from talking. He knows that he can't save himself from **_that._**

Dave let out a groan and started rubbing one of his palms against his forehead again.

"John." Dave took another deep breath in from his mouth and breathed it out. "That's why my conversations with my boyfriend are just between me and him."

"So... you only ever talk about sex?" You make an face, you let out a single laugh but it sounded more like a dry cough.

"No." Dave defends himself. "Just... not all the time, okay! Listen- _you're the one_ who went through_ my_ phone!"

"Whoa, Whoa." You put up your hands and gesture for him to settle down.

You tell him, "let's sit down, man."

Dave listens to you and the two of you sit down together on the couch.

"Dude, whatever you like is cool." You try to comfort him. "I read those messages by mistake, and then I messaged him back. Maybe I just should have just ignored it- but you talk so much about him all the time so- whatever not the point."

You shrug. "We already talked about the photo he sent you. Babe calling you 'daddy' isn't that bad." You smile and lightly let out a laugh. "Whatever you are into, it's honestly cool."

"Well, what's fair is fair." Dave pointed at you, it was a friendly point even though he still seemed agitated. "You tell me one of your sicko things. Actually make that two, just for good measure." 

"What?" You blew air out of your lips, blowing a raspberry and laughing at his request.

"Just say some kinks you have." Dave prods you to confess your _things._ He just wants fuel to use to make fun of you. He can just stick with the virgin jokes.

"I don't know, i never had sex." You lifted up your arms and shrugged. 

"Have you ever had access to pornhub?" Dave tilts his head and raises his eyebrows.

He is definitely poking fun at you.

"I don't have to answer this line of questioning." You reject answering, still clearly the answer is yes.

"What's your thing? Come on." Dave lightly hits your arm with his hand, he's getting a kick out of this.

"I just... I just watch whatever is there- okay, leave me alone about this."

"Come on. Just one thing." Dave started laughing, like he completely forgot why he was making fun of you in the first place. Maybe you should just go along with this and let him forget about the shit you just pulled.

Dave keeps pressing you, "you said blondes, that is like so generic. Don't make me think that my best friend is super generic, man."

"Oh cool- cause I was going to say_ tongue piercings." _

"Okay. Okay." Dave nods. "Now we're getting somewhere." 

His words sounded sarcastic, so you sighed.

You closed your eyes before you spoke, "thanks for shitting on one of my_ things_." 

"No man, I'm into that too." Dave tells you, still sounds a bit to sarcastic for you to really take seriously.

"Sure." You open your eyes, only to give him a bit of a side eye.

"I have proof." Dave tells you.

"Gonna show me your browsing history? Sure there's bound to be a lot of links to porn of that, right?" You let out a shaky groan, _"ahh-ugh."_

"No." Dave raises his brows slightly, "I'll show you something else."

Dave slowly sticks his tongue out, slipping it out from in between his dry, chapped lips.

He lets you see that he has a single metal ball in the middle of his tongue.

Your eyes widen as Dave slowly pulls his tongue back into his mouth.

He has a big, silver, metal, ball in his mouth and you didn't notice at all, for all this time.

"When did you get that?" You ask him, with more surprise in your voice than you would have hoped.

"A year ago." Dave leans back on the couch and places his arm up on the top of the sofa.

"Why didn't you say anything then?" You narrow your brows.

Dave starts picking at his teeth with the back of one of his pinky nails. "Because I was embarrassed to_ 'talk sex'_ with you." Dave lifts up one of his legs and rests it on the couch. "Still am."

"So are you still a virgin?" You guess he might have lied to his 'boyfriend' to keep 'him' interested.

"Yep." Dave nods.

_'So he didn't lie.'_

"Wow. So is that just for when you finally get around to losing it?" You joke, pointing at his lips as you speak about his silver metal piercing. 

"This is for me." Dave points at his own mouth. "It's actually fun to mess around with."

You were expecting him to demonstrate. He didn't.

"Why didn't I notice you messing with that thing then?" You tilt your head in towards Dave as you ask him. "You never mess around with it!"

He covers his mouth with his fist to burp. You chuckled at his sudden outburst.

"It is a sex thing." Dave told you.

"So that's part of how you get off?" You ask him, pulling your head back.

"Yep." Dave nods. "Now how do you get off?" He turned it back to you.

"AUGH!" You throw up your hands. "Why do you need to know that!?"

"It's only fair after the shit you just learned about me. It'll help me shake off this shame." Dave chuckles. "Come on, can't be as bad as piss."

"Or... or it can be." You cross your arms.

"Really? Now I need to know." Dave seems invested.

"I don't think you do." You narrowed your eyes at him.

"Come on, man. No pressure but- tell me."

"How can you say no pressure and then walk it back?" You tossed up one of your hands in disbelief.

"How can you text my boyfriend without my permission?" Dave turns it back on you.

"Okay! Jesus!" You lift up both your hands and gesture,_ 'fuck it.'_

"Just tell me and we are totally even, I'll laugh at you for a while and then we'll be golden."

"Golden like piss?" You slightly lift up your brows.

"Golden like magnum minis." Dave starts lightly nodding at you.

"Is **_that ..._** a sex thing?" You scrunched up your nose.

"It's an ice cream. Keep up." Dave poked his forehead, gesturing for you to educate yourself.

You say nothing to that. You just cross your arms.

"We'll be even, man." Dave lowers his head, gesturing for you to speak.

You keep your arms crossed and look away from him.

"Completely even." Dave slowly leans in towards you.

You roll your eyes. 

"Just rip it off like a b-"

"I like fucking machines! Okay!?!" You uncross your arms and gesture for him to stop talking.

"What?" Dave sounds like he's confused. 

"Tied up, gaged, bound, fucked hard with a sex machine!"

"So you like... hardcore bondage?" Dave sounded like he's completely blown back. 

You look off to the side and widen your eyes. Shake your head and say, "yeah."

Dave bites down on his lips. Dave nods his head. Like he has a new found respect for you.

"cool." Dave keeps nodding. "cool."

You look at him and lower your brows. "How about you, huh? That something that you'd like?" You still sound completely annoyed, almost like you are testing him.

"Well... I actually don't do that kind of thing." Dave answers, saying he's never tried it.

"Well me neither!" You lifted up your hands again.

"Oh, lost a little bit of respect from me that you just gained."

"What?" You tilt your head slightly in confusion.

"You got like plus 150 points and you subtract it by like 20." Dave didn't sound like he was too disappointed with you.

"I'll write that on my score card- what the fuck are you talking about? You actually like piss on yourself or something?"

"No, but I should." Dave points at you, like you just gave him an idea. "Good looking out."

You laugh in disbelief. "Oh-_ha_-Okay."

"I have like sex toys and shit."

"And shit?" You lower your brows as far down as they can possibly go.

"And shit!" Dave nods like that means something.

"I won't believe it till I see it." You shake your head.

* * *

"Wow." You nod. "There's more than and shit."

Dave proudly showed you his display of sex toys on top of his dresser.

You had to pretend that it was something you didn't know about. It was easy to pretend you had no idea at all because seeing it in person is a much different experience than seeing it as a photo on your phone. Also seeing it as a friend is a way crazier feeling than seeing it as a fake persona. 

Dave's room always looks like a flea market store with how much junk he has in it. He's let you in his room several times before but he usually hides his shit. Guess he's proud now.

The toys on his dresser are all standing up, proudly pointing up towards the sky. A large variety of shapes and sizes. 

He pointed you towards his book shelf. The ones on the shelf are so big that most of them are laying down to fit the space. Nearly all of them are pitch black, purple or blue. You would have thought that he would buy red ones but you guess red toys aren't big in the sex toy market.

They are all a variety of sizes but all of them have a flat base at the bottom. 

You looked over at Dave, he's trying to seem casual and chill but you can tell by the look on his face that he must regret bragging about his sex toy collection to you. He ended up inviting you to see it as a joke. He didn't expect that you would want a tour. You give him a slight chuckle as you point out that he has some giant, long toy that looked like anal beads. "You can take all of that?"

"Yep." Dave nods like he's proud.

"This is what you do when I'm not home?" You start laughing in disbelief, you also start chuckling out of pure unadulterated amusement. 

"Yeah." Dave started to sound a bit unsure if he should sound so proud.

"What's this thing?" You point at something long and black, it isn't shaped like any of the others. It looks like something out of a dentist office. Actually, you are kind of scared of it.

"Oh. I don't ever use that. It's a violet wand. Thought it would be good but it just hurts."

"What is it though?" You ask again, still staring at the long metal hook coming out of a long black plastic handle.

"It shocks you." Dave answers. Just by his tone alone, it sounds like he doesn't care much for the thing.

"So it's electric? Boogie woogie, woogie?" You say the lyrics like they are a legitimate question.

"Yes." Dave starts chuckling. "You can have it if you want."

Dave picks it up. He holds the toy in one hand to offer it to you. He uses the other hand to grab onto the long black wire that is coming out of the bottom.

"What?" You look down at it. "DUDE! I don't want your **_used_** sex shit!"

"I can assure you," he nods deeply. "I did not let this thing touch my dick."

"Does it hurt that much?" You lean in and look closer at it, curious to why anyone would want to shock themselves even when you like to see... _certain things._

"Eh, it's different to different people I guess. I wouldn't know. I'm just spitballing here." Dave shrugs, sounding like he's quoting someone else. 

"How _much_ does it hurt though?" You tilt your head as you take the violet wand into your hands.

"You gotta feel it, it's electric." Dave starts using the lyrics against you. "Boogie woogie, woogie."

You laugh. "I don't know about that." You don't think you want to be shocked, even for fun.

You turn your head and look up at Dave. "You've honestly used this thing before?"

"Yeah, bought i just to see what it was like." Dave tells you, "I didn't like it, but you might."

"hm." You hum. You're not sure that you would.

"Come on, i'll zap myself and show you." Dave smiles. He excitedly grabs it out of your hands and holds onto the long black wire coming out of it. "I'm going to plug it in!"

"Huh?" You are honestly surprised that Dave would offer to show you how it's used.

Dave plugged it and pressed it to his skin.

Seems like it didn't have an effect. "I don't think it's warmed up yet."

"Let me see." You wanted to get a closer look.

Dave held it up to you.

He told you, "poke it with your finger first."

"Why?" You tilted your head as you asked.

"So you can get a feel for it." Dave directed you to just touch a small part of it.

You felt how intense the flicker of heat was.

You didn't pull away despite it shocking you.

You just waited for Dave to move away.

Dave lightly grabbed onto your wrist and asked, "can I?"

"Sure." You nodded.

He pressed the silver tip of the tool to your forearm and shocked you. You laughed at the pain. "That didn't hurt at all!"

"Really?" Dave asked, he immediately brought the tool to his own wrist. "OW!"

You started cackling. 

"FUCKING LIAR!" Dave shouted. 

"You sound..." you paused for a moment. "shocked." 

Dave looks at you, saying with his face, _'really, bitch?'_

You started cracking up. "I'm sorry!"

You reassured him, "I'll be honest though, I really don't think it's bad!"

Dave raised his brows. He lifts it up again and presses it to your bare forearm.

You laughed at the pain again. Dave pressed down harder. "Ouch!"

You kept laughing as he held it to your skin. "haha! ow!"

Dave started smiling at the sound of your laughter. 

You moved your arm away and took the wand from him, "now you do it!" 

"What, no way!" Dave stepped back. "I'm not doing that shit again!"

"Oh! Ha! 'John, this food isn't even that spicy.'" You mock him by making your voice deeper.

Dave took the toy away from you and zapped your arm again.

"Ouch!" You laughed again.

You take it back out of his hands and hold it towards him.

"Dude! Don't!" Dave keeps laughing, shielding himself with his hands like you're going to squirt him with a water pistol.

"I'm not a dick. I won't..." You pull it away as you smile brightly at him.

"Alright fine." Dave lets a sigh escaped his lips as he sticks out his arm. "Do it again."

You brightly smiled and pressed it to his wrist. 

"OW!" Dave moved his arm back and winced.

Dave started rubbing himself where he was zapped. "How can you just laugh at **that!?**" 

"I don't know. Doesn't bug me." You shrug.

Dave takes the wand back out of your hand.

"You might not feel that way if it hits you where you are sensitive.

"Nah, it's not that bad." You brush off his comment.

"Sit down." Dave pointed at his bed with one hand and held up the wand with the other.

You look down at the floor and lift up your shoulders, you roll your eyes and sigh.

You follow Dave's lead and sit down in the middle of his bed.

Dave pushed up your gym shorts a bit and pressed the wand to your inner thigh.

"How's that?" Dave asks you as he pulls the wand away from your leg.

"Not bad." You shrug.

"Okay." Dave continuously holds it to your thigh, waiting to see your reaction.

Dave's looking you right in your eyes instead of where he was holding the wand.

You kept looking down and back into his eyes. Feeling the electricity surge through your thighs and the heat rise into your stomach. 

Dave was staring up at you, pressing a sex toy against your bare thigh.

He kept looking right at your face.

Dave was so focused on trying to gage your expression, his eyes widened when yours widened.

"Uh." You suck air through your teeth. "Dave?"

"So, no good?" Dave asks you as he pulls the wand away from your bare thigh.

"No... more like..." You clench your teeth together and look off to the side, "too good." 

Dave looks down at your thighs, he notices that you just got an full blown erection.

"Well." Dave says with no real surprise in his voice. "There's that."

"Okay, so we found you a new _thing_." Dave keeps staring at your erection. 

"Didn't honestly think you were a freak." He kept looking at your boner. "Straight guy vanilla shit be damned."

You scoff at that.

You sit up from Dave's bed, walking past him.

You walk out of the room.

You walk back in.

You unplug the wand and take it out of Dave's hands.

You drag the thing back into your room, but before you do...

You walk back into Dave's room one final time,

"Don't tell your 'babe' about this, he'll think you're cheating."


	12. Comfort

You're going to do laundry for both you and your roommate. Yet another house-chore that Dave struggles to do correctly, despite the fact you already showed him how to do it properly. Washing his clothes in the shower is an old habit of Dave's that is dying hard, part of you thinks Dave purposely fucks up just so you do the laundry for him... but you do know that it's more of an effort to purposely fuck up that bad,_ every time,_ than to just do the laundry right. 

You walk into the bathroom to collect your old clothes from the tall metal laundry basket you have by the shower. You see a white shirt resting on top of the laundry basket. It doesn't seem like it's actually dirty to you. Without thinking you smell it just to check. It smells like him but it doesn't smell like sweat.

It really_ isn't_ dirty.

* * *

You were sitting down at your desk, working on something on your laptop when you heard a knock at your door.

"Hey, man." Dave was asking if he could come into your room.

"Come in." Right after you invited him in he opened the door up your door and sighed.

Dave is still holding onto your door handle as he asks you, "did you see my shirt?"

"Hu? You have a lot of shirts. You have to be more specific."

"My white record one?"

"Hmm." You hum. "Did you check the washer?"

"Yeah, I just did." Dave sounds a bit dejected, "I looked everywhere, think it's in your stuff?"

"I can look later." You nodded.

"Cool." He accepted that and closed the door.

You hopped up and took it out from under your pillow. 

_'Shit!'_

You didn't think that he would miss it.

You are going to have to wash this thing later.

You put it up to your nose and take another light sniff.

It smells so much like him. 

Just like when he caressed you on the couch when you were scared.

It smells just like he's comforting you.

You feel so _warm_ when you hold onto his shirt.

You feel like you're at peace when you hold it close to you.

Each time you breathe him in you feel the same as when he embraced you, when he held onto you and told you that you were safe, and you were, so long as you were in his arms.

Each gentle whiff of his scent you take in make you feel like he cares for you just like you now care for him...

even if that isn't true.

Maybe this whole thing was a mistake...

You lay in bed, holding the cotton fabric to your face.

Maybe all of this was a mistake... now you can't stop your ache.

* * *

"You were right, I took it by mistake."

The day after your roommate came to you and asked you if you've seen his shirt, you gave it back to him and apologized.

"I'm sorry."

"It's alright, man." Dave took it back from your hand, "no worries."

You cry a bit on the inside, you love smelling it when you drift to sleep... but he still has more slightly dirty laundry and always will. You can always grab another.

After all... you’re the one who does his laundry.

You're the one who cooks for him.

You're the one who makes him laugh.

You're the one who always cheers him up.

You're the one who Dave always drives around with.

You're the one who sits on the couch with him everyday.

_You're his best friend._


	13. Advice

You are lying in bed, you just woke up.

Dave's up too, you can see that the lights are on under the small slip of your door.

You woke up with an erection.

You silently mouth the word, 'Shit.' 

You don't even remember your dream. All you know is that you're hot.

You always _pretend_ to be horny when you talk to Dave, maybe you should see where actually be horny will lead you...

You decided that it was a better time than ever to start messaging your 'boyfriend.'

* * *

hi, cutie.

hey babe

hows it going?

its going

why are you messaging me so late today?

* * *

You check your phones clock, it's six AM.  
You guess that's pretty 'late' for the guy you're pretending to be.  
He doesn't get up early, Dave probably thinks he's some cool guy who stays out late.  
Sure, why not?

* * *

can't sleep.

thoughts of me keeping you up tonight?

just like every night.

say... since you're a virgin,

how did you discover that you had a piss thing?

porn?

i dont watch porn

what, really?

nope

no joke?

no joke

why?

theres a reason

there is a very liable reason

alright?

what is it?

its a very solid reason

what IS the reason for WHY you don't watch porn?

if i say why

you have to promise to not ask me any more questions about anything i say

okay?

i mean anything i say

period

at all

i promise.

im gonna hold you to it

my older bro

is a gay porn star

HOLY

SHIT

* * *

You are wheezing, trying desperately hard not to laugh.  
You had no fucking idea about that.  
God! You need to know **everything** about this.

* * *

i won't ask you anything, baby.

i just really really dont have any interest in catching even a glimpse of that shit

that's more than understandable.

can we talk about something else please

uhhhh

i'm kind of, a little bit...

horny?

yes

lets talk about that

i'm actually not the best at touching myself...

i mean, i could destroy your cock, no doubt in my mind,

but i'm not really good at pleasuring myself...

do you have any tips?

i can tell you all about it

if you can remind me how to breathe

breathe in,

breathe out.

oh my god

thats how you do it

you honestly forgot?

you leave me breathless

* * *

The _real you_ thought that little joke was funny enough to laugh at.  
You know that Dave's 'boyfriend' is much picker then that.  
He's got no real sense of humor,_ everything_ is** just** about sex.

* * *

ugh.

okay, just give me tips now, cutie.

use lube

i mean like a gravyboatload of lube

if youre going to just "jack off" use both of your hands on your cock

close your eyes

take deep breaths

dont be afraid to moan like someone is actually fucking you

also think of me

oh?

that's a pro tip?

thats a suggestion

but yeah

think of me 

* * *

Before you could say anything to that, Dave was already typing again.

* * *

dont be afraid to feel yourself

feel yourself all over

drag your hands on your whole body

your thighs

your chest

your fucking stomach

pinch your nipples

get rough with it too

make sure it hurts

maybe stick a finger down your throat

wow

sounds like someone's excited!

should i leave you alone with that picture of me again?

no

not yet

hehehe

mess with your balls

keep working them

keep feeling yourself and picture someone else touching you

me preferably

you've already said something like that!

no i mean picture someone else feeling your body

doesnt have to be me

but youll get fuckin hot if you do that

do you ever picture me touching you?

i wish

i did when we started talking to each other

if i do that shit now i think ill pass out

try it anyway, silly!

i really do mean i might pass out babe

you know that you are that hot

oh yeah?

i'm that hot?

but you do wanna pump your cock for me, right?

even if it's hard...

how about you think about feeling my chest!?

i might die if i do that

wouldn't my body be worth dying for?

shit

come on, have some fun!

being hospitalized for asphyxiation doesnt sound like fun man

i cant even breath right now

just brave it through!

think about feeling me up!

think about how soft my skin must be!

damn

picture pumping your cock over me!

picture cuming on my belly!

fuck

oh, you like my stomach?

uh

yeah

* * *

You quickly pull down your sheets and rush to pull off your shirt.  
You hold your phone up above you as you lay down in your bed.  
You snap a photo and quickly check if it looks good.  
The photo looks a little fuzzy, but it looks fine.  
You mostly needed to make sure that there isn't anything that indicates it's your bed.  
You'd hate to admit it, but this is going a bit far for a prank. Maybe... this really isn't a prank anymore.  
Now you're checking if it looks sexy. No you can do better.  
You arched your back a bit and showed off your chest and your belly. You crop it a bit, you don't want him to get a peak at your ghostbusters boxers, or the tent you're pitching in them. Sending the picture the way it is, would scream 'Egbert's cock!' to him.  
You finished editing the photo and you send it to him.

* * *

fuck me

do i look good?

holy shit

that's not a yes...

you look so fuckin good

now i have to go before our sexy pen pal talk turns into straight up phone sex!

or... did it already?

ha

im busy anyway

bye bye!

by e

* * *

You breath in a deep breath and slowly hum it out.

Dave just got lucky again. He just got another photo from his 'boytoy.'

After that little conversation you were a part of, you feel even more hot then before.

You just wanted to tease Dave _a little_ by asking for some tips...

but maybe you should take his advice and put some of it to practice.

He said to use lube, you know where Dave keeps some.

You think Dave is in his room right now and well, Dave knows you wake up early, he probably wouldn't think twice about you going to the bathroom right at this moment.

You quickly get your shirt back on and head into the bathroom. You take a quick leak and after start digging through the cupboard under the sink.

You were hunched over and trying your best to be as quiet as possible.

You found it! You pulled out the half-empty bottle and suddenly you heard a buzzing from the room right next to the bathroom. 

You looked over at the bathroom wall that connects to Dave's.

If you aren't careful you might hear Dave moan. 

You think to yourself that now is a great time to go back into your bed.

Now is the perfect time to follow Dave's advice and just lay down and feel your entire body.

As you strip down to nothing again and get back in bed, you close your eyes and think of someone else feeling your thighs. 

You picture someone else desiring you enough to tease the sides of your hips and drag their fingers up to your waist.

You start taking deep breaths, just like Dave told you.

You feel hot. You drag your nails up to your chest. You hurt yourself like Dave told you, pinching your nipples. You yelped a bit in pain, but that quickly turned into a moan.

You never touched yourself there like **that.**

You're getting even hotter, panting and desperately trying to hold in your groans.

You stop hurting yourself and grab the bottle you just snagged. You start dripping it directly onto your erect shaft. You poured out much more than you meant to, but Dave did advise you to use a lot. 

You started working yourself with both hands, just like you were told.

You closing your eyes and try to picture some hot champagne blonde with a nice, firm ass teasing you.

You keep trying hard to focus on a someone feeling you but your mind starts focusing more on the pleasure. 

The intense pleasure of working yourself hard and fast with two hands.

You buckle your hips and start thrusting into your fists.

You pant in the rhythm of your desperate thrusts.

You can't believe it took someone else giving your advice on how to touch yourself right for you to feel this way, it's never felt this fucking good before.

You keep picturing someone else's hands around your pulsing cock.

_Someone_ does want to feel your body!

Dave got excited just from seeing a photo of your top.

Dave is fucking desperate to see just a glimpse of you.

You're such a fucking slut but you don't give him anything more than pretty words and a shitty snapshot of your bare chest.

You keep pumping yourself as you groan.

You have him wrapped around your finger, you were just playing around with him.

You were toying around with him for the sake of a_ joke_.

You quickly slam your hips into your hands.

Dave has no idea that it's really you, his best friend, his roommate.

Dave fucking wants to fucking feel your body and he doesn't even know he could just slam open your door and finish you off right now! He could just burst through the room and make you cum! Dave wants that from you so fucking bad, but you're not going to give him anything to work with! Not like he could handle seeing your like this anyway. He would pass out just from the sight of you moaning his name.

_"Da-dave."_ You struggle to breathe. You whisper,_ "Dave!"_

Or! Dave could aggressively kick open your door, right this second, and violently start pounding his fists around your cock! He could forcefully fuck you with his hands and wrap his fucking tongue around your head. Dave could lick your tip with his fucking tongue piercing and when you finally fucking cum, he can catch your load in his panting, hot, opened mouth. Dave was already struggling to breath, he'd be dying, trying frantically to catch his breath just from seeing you jerk off for him before he bursted in your room and jumped onto your bed! Dave is so fucking desperate for your body, he'd be fucking needy for your load, he'd just keep moaning until you finally give him what he wants, **_what he fucking needs._**

You can't hold on, nor do you want to.

You finish with a loud grunt and three violently hard and slow pumps.

Your entire load is spilt onto your chest.

You're panting hard, trying to recuperate from how wild that fucking was.

You are so fucking satisfied with that you don't even think twice about messaging Dave again.

* * *

dave

that was so good!

it was babe

i'm still panting!

same here

did you look at my picture while you fucked yourself?

i did

awesome!

did you picture cumming on my stomach?!

no

i thought about you telling me to cum on your stomach

ohh...

i like that.

do you now?

but don't get too excited, we still aren't sexting just yet!

really

doesnt it seem like we just did?

noooo...

we haven't jacked off WHILE we talk yet.

makes sense

still

you sound proud that i came thinking about words you told me

um...

well...

you caught me.

you win that battle.

i think were both winners right now

hehehe

maybe you should tell me what got you off babe

hmmm

i might have... gotten off to the idea of you wanting me?

k

sounds a little light for a guy like you

i thought about how you can't have me,

you know even if you'd talk to me in person, i wouldn't give it up ;p

ouch

but it's hot to me!

but youre so cruel to me

listen! i couldn't stop thinking about you wanting my load and catching it in your mouth while you struggled to not fucking pass out!

i moaned your name and everything!

I wanted you to burst into my room, somehow, and force yourself on me! 

oh no... that's a really naughty way of saying it! 

but you really do want my body bad, don't you?

you just

love teasing me

you want my booooody, don't you?

yes

i think, honesty deserves a reward.

* * *

You don't think twice about it, and why would 'Dave's boyfriend' think twice? He only thinks with his cock!  
You snapped a photo of your body covered in your own cum.  
You look back at the photo before you send it.  
Once you see that there's no signs of 'Egbert' you send it.

* * *

think that's enough to ease my mind for the night, i can get some shut eye now!

pleasant dreams.

go

go?

go od ni h t

wow, you always think with your dick!

Do you type with it too? 

;P

* * *

Dave stopped messaging you.

Maybe you should check his room and see if he's alive.

You think twice about doing that right at this moment. You're still dirty...

You'll probably just knock on his door after a shower, tell him it's morning and ask him if he stayed up late chatting with his 'babe' again.

Actually, thinking of _babe, _

You look back at the photo you just sent Dave.

It's you.

Painted white with your own aftermath...

and you just sent that

to

your best friend...

as part of an april fools prank...

You grab the pillow next to you on your bed.

You hold it up to your face.

You scream into it.


	14. Something About Regret

You are laying down on your bed, dressed in nothing but a towel.

You decided to lay back down right after scrubbing off your shame in the shower...

well trying to at least.

You just got off to the thought of your best friend wanting you, _which you're sure that he doesn't_, and you sent him a picture in the guise of some fake persona you made to trick him for an april fools joke, and the day is getting closer and closer...

You keep blankly looking at nothing, you can't blame anyone but yourself.

You know that Dave deserves better, deserves the truth. 

You don't know what you're going to say, what you're going to do.

You try to take your mind off of things... doesn't change the fact that you just tricked Dave into slightly fooling around with you and left him with a picture of you covered in your own- **_"UGH!"_**

You're sure Dave isn't still up so late, even still you pretend that was a cough. 

You kept coughing into your fist, you groaned and huffed out a sigh as you rolled your eyes at yourself.

You fucked a lot up today and it's not even close to noon.

You don't want to think off all the ways you messed up still your mind raced with all the different things you said, you acted like a ditsy, giggly, slut. Teasing your body to Dave like you're a carrot on a string. Dave shouldn't be with a guy whose only interesting thing about him is that he's a **cockslut. **_'ohhh Dave, teach me how to touch myself.' _Fucking stupid shit. 

When this is over Dave's never going to let you live **_that _**down.

Dave said some pretty embarrassing things too... actually you just remember that he said his bro was a porn star.

You completely forgot!

You grabbed your glasses and your phone. You rushed to opened up a bookmarked tab from pornhub you had and typed in his name,_ 'HOLY SHIT, HE USES HIS REAL NAME FOR PORN.'_

You lifted up your glasses, uncovering your eyes and squinted at the video icons that popped up and _'HOLY SHIT, HE'S A BOTTOM!'_

Out of respect for Dave, and also out of fear, you don't click on the image.

You just set your phone down and pretend the entire thing didn't happen.

_'Still...'_ You lightly raise your shoulders and let out a snort. _'that's pretty funny.'_


	15. A Real Headache

"Someone looks happy." You try your best to sound happy yourself.

"I am." Dave nods.

Dave finally got up in the afternoon. He's dressed to go to the gym, but you're going to stop him and make sure that he actually eats and drinks something, you don't want him getting dehydrated.

You get up from the couch and walk past him.

"Come on." Without looking at him, you gesture for him to join you in the kitchen. "You should have something to eat before you go on a run."

You start messing around with things in the fridge, you'll just make him something small like a sandwich. Of course as you start pulling things out Dave takes it as an opportunity to brag about last night to you,

"My boyfriend couldn't sleep so we talked for a bit. Instead of saying goodbye, he said 'pleasant dreams.'"

"Cute." You rolled your eyes as you dug into the back of the fridge for a jar of your homemade mayo.

"He is insanely cute, he called me 'silly' too." Dave sounded more happy than ever when he told you, _"as a nickname."_

"Sounds like you two are getting serious." You joked, you pulled the mayo and yourself out of the fridge.

You didn't hide your annoyance with Dave's words.

Dave carried on like he didn't notice, "we might be!"

You know that he didn't pick up that you're fed up. That or he doesn't care.

"Oh." You narrowed your eyes more. "lucky you."

"I know." Dave's smile nearly turned into a wavy line,_ "he's the greatest part of my life."_

Dave almost always sounds dull and monotone, even when he laughs at _your_ jokes. But all of a sudden, he's bubbly and cheerful, smiling and holding a hand to his chest for this **_random guy_** that he **_hardly knows._** Dave is completely braindead because _**'babe' **_came for him **_once! _**

You start making Dave something for him to eat because he's so fucking mindless at the moment that he forgot he has to _actually_ eat and drink something. He was just about to skip eating to go on a jog to stay in shape for a guy that doesn't even like his best friend. You'd think that would be important to him, but no. You don't matter at all in this! **_You are this! _**

You narrow your eyes as you try hard not to listen to Dave go off about _how fucking sweet he is_ and _how fucking funny he can be, even when he's being cruel to him._

"Cruel?" You ask him to clarify, you hardly heard what he said. "Is he mean to you?"

"In a good way." Dave waved your question off, "it's a private thing. Anyway-"

He blew off your legitimate question so he could talk about how _babe _is sooo much fun to talk to! How his boyfriend is _the greatest!_ When you are right here, grabbing ice from the fridge and making him an apple smoothie. You've been living with him for years and making him food, and he has the fucking balls to say some guy - whose only real gift to Dave is that he_** came on himself! -**_ is a better man than you. You knew. _You knew. _this was a bad idea.

_'Honestly. Fuck this.'_

"Dave, hey." You turn to him and hand him the cup of ice, "actually... I'm not feeling so good... can you finish making everything yourself?"

"Sure." Dave held up the cup with one hand, he tilted his head to get a better look at your face, "hey do you need some ibuprofen?" 

Dave started pressing the iced cup up to your forehead, using it as an icepack. You jolted from how cold it felt on your skin.

"Oh no, I'm fine." You start walking to the couch. "I'm just going to lay down for a while."

"Honestly, man." Dave sounded a bit concerned. "i know sometimes you get stress headaches, you cool?"

"Yeah." You smile at him, "thanks for being concerned, but I'm probably fine. Just need some water."

"Hey, you sit down and I'll get you a glass."

"Dave." You smile gently at him, "you don't have to-"

"No." Dave kindly waves you off, denying you the ability to tell him not to worry about you, "you already made me lunch, so just let me help you out."

_'Great. It's a tit-for-tat kind of thing. '_

Still, Dave is focused on you and not on his** fucking dipshit boyfriend.**

You'll take what you can get.

"Dave, you'd do that for me?"


	16. What You Need

You are sitting down on the couch with Dave, the two of you messing around with your phones. Dave was messaging his babe and you were pretending to be 'him.'

* * *

i would never stick a popsicle there!

what if i did it?

you're way to shy for that!

a guy can dream

speaking of dreams, i'm down for a nap.

k

bye babe

byeeee!

* * *

"Hey man," Dave looked up from his phone. "Need help cooking today?”

"Sure!” You instantly sit up and invite Dave to join you in the kitchen.

You decided that you wanted to cook with him right then and there before he had an excuse to back out, _'he's as lazy as he is cute!'_

You dig out a pot from the cabinet and hand it to Dave. “fill that with water.”

You aren't making anything special, just some chicken fillets and spaghetti. 

You set up nearly everything but Dave was a pretty decent kitchenaid today. 

You directed Dave to stir the sauce for you while you dealt with the chicken.

You fried it in a pan and flipped it over.

You still needed to cleaned up the board you used to cut the chicken slab, you turn away from the stove for a moment to do just that.

When you got back to the stove you noticed that Dave has a dab of sauce on his nose.

You grabbed a rag from the oven handle and wiped it off of his nose for him.

You chuckled and lightly whipped him with the end of the dishtowel. 

Dave chuckled back. He took the towel from you and whipped you in the arm for smacking him. You both started laughing. 

For a moment, you felt like you were a couple.

For a second, that felt possible.

You turn away from him and focus on the task in front of you.

April first is this week.

You look back at Dave. He's smiling down at the stove top as he stirs the sauce.

You know what you need to do.


	17. Laughing Along

Dave was kind enough to agree to pick you up from work, you called him and told him you had a busy day.

You met him on the street and got into his passengers seat.

While you were waiting on him the sunset past the horizon. The sky is a twilight blue.

The red lights flashing from the dashboard's screen says 09:13 PM.

You were sure that Dave was going to poke fun of you for getting tired 'so early.'

Nope. Instead he told you, "if you need another ride tomorrow, just tell me the time."

You yawned as you thanked him.

You briefly shut your eyes as Dave drives you back home from work.

You drift off to sleep.

Dave starts screaming and it shocks you awake.

There is a huge truck coming towards you.

You start screaming.

It's lights are flickering on and off. 

You brace yourself for the impact.

Both of your arms are crossed over each other, trying to protect your head as you scream.

You wait a few moments.

Nothing happens.

Dave starts laughing.

"April fools man."

"What?" 

Dave pulls over to the other side of the street.

He shows you that the front of that truck is attached to another truck that's towing it along.

You start slapping Dave's arms.** "FUCK. YOU. _ASSHOLE!"_** You keep slapping him.

**"Oh. You deserve what's coming to you!"** You slap his arm one final time and settle down again.

"It was good though right?" Dave smiles as he asks you.

You cross your arms. "You got lucky."

Dave starts chuckling again.

You're heart is still racing.

You glance over at Dave.

He is smiling at the road and chuckling to himself.

The soft light from his car's dashboard light is glowing on his face.

Dave lightly laughs and looks back at you.

You didn't even notice that you were smiling until he started laughing again.

You forced your lips together and tried hard not to smile as you looked back at him.

You couldn't hold it. 

You laughed along with him.


	18. A Sudden Stroke of Genius

Dave just got his april fools joke out of the way on the ride home.

You didn't think you'd be able to sleep just yet, you're too over tired, so you sit on the couch with Dave and down some pixy stix. He can suck your dick if he doesn't like you eating candy in this health-conscious hellhole.

Tomorrow is Wednesday anyway,

_'yay... cheat day...'_

Tomorrow... is april fools day too.

You already worked out the plan in your head.

You're going to set up everything tomorrow, right when you get up. 

Yep. Tomorrow morning is the big day. 

_You can't wait...._ okay, you're nervous about this.

But everything will be fine.

_'It's fine. It's okay. It's fine.'_

You're sitting down next to Dave on the couch.

He just glanced at you. Once you looked at him, he looked away.

You just keep shaking your cherry pixy stix back and forth onto your tongue.

Mindlessly trying to get the sugar out as you lick the end of the stick...

You look back at the stick and how you are pumping it like it's a... 

You look back at Dave. He was looking again, he played it off like he was looking at his phone's screen.

You look back at the stick and back at him.

You can't contain the smile on your face.

You narrow your eyes and ask Dave, "what?"

You look at him like you have _no idea_ why he could be staring at you.

"Nothing." Dave sounds casual and calm.

His face is slightly turning pink.

He just got a nasty thought in his head.

You suddenly get a flash in your mind. 

Your plans haven't changed, no.

But they are gonna need some tweaking.

For now you just wrap your tongue around the stick and start sucking on it. 


	19. Prank-pocalypse Now!

**"DAVE! GET UP!" **

Right after you scream Dave shoots out of bed, he's wearing nothing but sweatpants, and you really mean nothing but sweatpants. You can see his dick jiggle underneath that thing. But this isn't a time to get _excited_ like that_._ It's time for a kind of different excitement.

**"Dave."** You give him a glare. **"Are you ready for war?"**

Dave looks right at you.

He just noticed your camo cargo pants, he drags his eyes up to your dirtiest, baggiest white shirt. He noticed the bandage you wrapped around your arm and that you smeared ketchup on it as fake blood. He can see that you're hiding something behind your back.

He looks at you like your nuts. You try hard to look into his eyes and not_ his nuts_.

Dave seems more offended at your getup then the fact you just screamed at him to wake up. You rubbed two streaks of Dave's black charcoal face mask onto each of your cheeks earlier, it's already starting to crack off. Dave's probably mad you went through his stuff under the bathroom sink. You don't care, you can't care. It's fucking war.

You narrow your eyes and lift up the pie, you were concealing behind your back, in your hand. Dave is standing a full foot away from you as you continue to stand outside his doorway. You toss the pie right at his shirtless pecs.

Dave purposefully let's himself get hit in the chest so the pie doesn't land on his music gear.

You step back and watch as Dave pulls the silver tin off of his bare, naked pecs.

His body is smeared with coconut cream. 

Dave walks forward into the hall you're standing in. 

Dave doesn't even bother looking down. He just steps right onto your plastic wrap trap, you stuck in between the bottom of his door frame. He knew you were trying to lure him into it.

_'Damn, he's smart.'_

The two of you don't break eye contact as he stomps on the plastic and rips the tape off the wall in the process.

_"It's the prank-pocalypse."_ You whispered. 

You started to walk away as you whispered again,_"t__his is the end." _

You slowly pace over to the kitchen. You grabbed a hand towel and walked back to Dave.

You leaned back into Dave's doorway.

You tossed it at him and whispered,_ "I'm making breakfast."_

* * *

You didn't talk to Dave after. You just let him do his thing as your pranks disrupt his wake-up routine. If he was smart, he would just crawl back into bed but he can't resist his_ favorite_, pancake breakfast sandwiches, and you made them _just for him_. On top of that, it's cheat day. He has no excuse not to eat breakfast with you. 

A loud air horn just went off. You duct taped one to the bathroom wall so when Dave opened the door, the back of the door handle would hit it. You looked over to him. Dave nearly jumped at that. _Nearly_ jumped. He's still too prepped for your pranks. Well, he won't be able to prep himself for all of them!

As you continue to prepare breakfast, you hear firecrackers pop in another room. Your firecracker, toilet seat trap worked. He sat right on your bomb.

"John!" 

_"Ha!"_ You laughed.

He can scream at you all he wants today, _today is your day._

A few minutes later you hear Dave yell again for you.

"John! Where's the toilet paper?!"

"On your car!"

** _"Mother--fffucker!"_ **

A few moments later Dave starts screaming again,

"John! Stop putting plastic wrap on shit!"

Oh, he must have just noticed that you covered the soap-pump's spout with plastic wrap, nothing's coming out of that till he wraps it off.

Dave doesn't appreciate your genius, "this isn't even that good of a prank!"

Once Dave was done with the bathroom he came out and walked up to his usual stool.

"John." Dave's eyes were fixed on the stool out of your vision. "I'm not going to fall for a whoopie cushion."

He takes the pink whoopie cushion off his seat.

He sits down, and closes his eyes.

He nods at you.

"Well done."

You covered the bottom of the seat with little hitchhikers. Now Dave's entire butt is covered with those little green things that are hard to pick off!

He fell for your real trap underneath a weaker trap!

Dave didn't care.

Dave didn't move.

He just started scrolling through his phone while you finished up making him a pancake, omelette, bacon sandwich. You covered the monstrosity in maple syrup and handed it to him. 

Dave took a bite. He didn't hesitate to do so but he still seemed surprised at something. 

"Nothing..." Dave momentarily stopped talking as he stared at the sandwich, "nothing is wrong with this?"

"Of course not." You slightly shake your head, "breakfast is sacred in this house."

While Dave was eating you took his phone. You placed a sticky note over it and placed it, faced down on top of the table. 

The sticky note only had one thing on it.

Just a small blue drawing of an emoji,

:B

The note serves an important purpose, it's a distraction in the heat of war.

When Dave is finished eating he gets up and takes his plate to the sink, you join him and stand up with him. After Dave rinsed off his used dish, he walked back over to get his phone. He picks it up and shakes his head.

"Listen. John. This is pretty weak." Dave sighs at the sight of the note, "I'm just going to pull this off and it's going to be like the 'circle game' sign or whatever."

As Dave pulls off the sticky note, you drop down to the floor and instantly pull down his sweatpants. 

Dave's eyes widen completely.

He doesn't move.

You don't move.

"Why don't you wear boxers?" You ask like you're breathlessly shocked, _which you are a little_.

"Please. Please, leave." Dave begs you.

You slowly creep backwards.

The entire time scooping out the view, pretending you weren't expecting, or wanting, a fully exposed Dave cock in your face.

You slowly walked into your room.

You shut the door. You started silently cheering and voiceless squealing.

You actually saw Dave naked!

_'aaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhheeeeeeehehehhe!'_

* * *

Pantsing Dave was an important part of your newly edited plan. 

The first step. Actually. 

Well, you'd be lying if you said didn't want the chance to take in the view, still... The plan's next step is to give him nicknames and tell him shitty jokes. 

You go outside again, You see Dave sitting down on the couch and join him.

You turn to him.

He looks right back at you.

You instantly start laughing.

"What?" Dave sounds annoyed with you. 

You didn't care, "most guys pitch a tent, you could pitch a circus tent with that thing!"

You pointed down at Dave's crotch and started snickering when you told him, "do you get tired carrying that thing around? Do you need a crane to lift it?"

Dave adjusted in his seat to turn to you, he took a breath like he was about to speak.

You shielded your face as Dave turned, "whoa! Careful there!"

You put down your arms and laughed. "I'm sitting right next to you! You could knock me out if that thing takes a swing at me!"

"John!" Dave huffed at your joke.

"I'm going to have to start charging you twice the rent! I didn't know that thing was living with us! Do you think it needs its own room? -or does it like sleeping next to you?"

Dave rolls his eyes, "only you can make jokes on how big some guy's dick is sound like insults."

You go off and keep making jokes, "It's so long! Does it live in a different time zone? Thank God you are a virgin, if someone tried to suck that thing they would literally choke! When you go to parties is you dick your plus one? -or does your dick get invited, but you have to wait outside!?"

Dave isn't laughing at any of your jokes, you don't care you keep going.

"I can't believe you can drive with that thing in your lap!" You laugh.

"I can't believe you're still going on about this." Dave's not shaken at all by this.

"That thing is a safety hazard, Dave." You point at his cock again, "you ever get it confused with the stick shift? -oh wait sorry, you know your dick is bigger than that thing."

Dave looked up at the ceiling like he was getting fed up.

"Giving you a hand job is like the final level of bop it!"

Dave started violently laughing at your last joke.

**"Oh shit! You got me!"**

Dave started coughing and wheezing. 

You started laughing along with him. 

Dave kept trying to settle down, every time that he stopped laughing he started up again. 

You watched as he struggled to breathe in air.

You can always find a way to get him to laugh like this.

It's the thing you're probably the most proud of.

Still... you got him to laugh, but you didn't get him to fall hard into one of your pranks just yet. That's an important step to this plan. After that everything can really begin.

* * *

Later in the day, Dave was **still** sitting on the couch. That seemed to be his way of avoiding the frontline of the prank war. He's just going to sit on the couch with his green sticky butt and not get up till the day was over.

Dave still fell into a few of your traps. 

You brought him a bottle of apple juice, of course he asked if it was piss.

You said worse.

He accepted that challenge and drank a sip anyway.

He spit it back into the bottle.

It was grapefruit juice!

Right after he tossed the bottle back at you.

You chuckled and told him that you just remembered something.

You asked him if you could take out the used cups from his room.

He nodded at you, like he was too tired to even debate you and offer to do it himself.

He's just kept looking blankly ahead.

Dave was looking forward to the day being over.

* * *

You started kick open Dave's door.

You lifted up your arms as you yelled, **"BE FREE!" **

You raise your arms to gesture for all of the vibrators to leave through the doors threshold. You turned them all on and released them like a wild pack of vibrating cucumbers.

"DUDE, WHAT THE FUCK!?" Dave scrambles to grab onto all of them, but he can't switch them off when he's holding several in his hands. They are pouring out of his arms, jumping like they are wild animals wiggling to freedom. You started snorting at the sight of Dave trying to hold onto them as they slipped out of his hands like soap.

"THESE WHERE UP MY ASS! **HAPPY APRIL FOOLS FUCKER!" **

You are laughing to hard to even register that.

"John- UGH! This is the one I put in my mouth!" Dave is holding up a pink vibator and showing it to you so you get his point. 

You are laughing to hard to care. "I got- AHAHA- YOU!"

Dave started flicking them off one at a time as you fall to the ground, laughing and crying. Dave just groaned and sighed. "This isn't even a prank! This is just you being an asshole! Try again, bitch!"

* * *

Much later in the day, Dave finally felt safe enough to wash off all the coconut cream in the shower.

You shook your head when he told you he was going to use it.

He glared at you and said, "I'll take the risk."

You sucked air through your teeth and breathed out, _"whoo"_ like you were impressed.

Hardly a few moments later, you heard screaming.

**"What the FUCK did you do to the shower-head?!" **

You are on the ground, your cracking up already.

Dave runs out, holding a towel around his waist. The towel is smeared with the toothpaste you put there earlier. Dave's hands were covered in traces butter from the inside of the shower curtain. Dave points at his wet hair, it's drenched in mayo and smells horrible.

"I'm fine with you replacing my shampoo with this** shit.**" Dave started to lose his cool, no never mind he just lost it. **"BUT THE SHOWER WATER SMELLS LIKE FUCKING BEEF!"**

**"IT-"** You wheeze. **"I- UNSCREW! HA HAAAA HAHA!"** You gag on your own laughter and start coughing.

"I- God Damn it." Dave hunched over and started sighing. "You win."

You finally got him!

** _YOU GOT HIM!_ **

Dave looks down at you as you roll on the floor and lose complete control of your laughter.

It takes several minutes to calm down.

Dave gets tired of watching you and groans, "John, seriously!?"

"Okay! Okay! No more pranks!" You wave him off.

"You, really fucking mean that?" Dave lifts up his arms.

"Yeah! That's all I wanted!" You wipe a tear out of your eye as you lift up your glasses

"Really?" Dave sounds like he's not buying that.

"Yep." You start rubbing off the charcoal face mask. "That was it."

You start trying to get up. Dave offers you a hand, you know it's covered in mayo and butter. You're not touching that!

You stand up on your own and confess to him that, "I unscrewed the top of the shower-head and filled it with beef broth. Since you left it running, it's probably fine now. Also, I hid your real shampoo in some tumble-wear and put it in my room. I'll get it for you." You smile at him, trying hard not to start laughing again. "-and let's toss out that towel, you had it looong before you even met me." You ask him, "how old is it?"

"It's from like my childhood, man."

"It's that old?" You pull your head back and scrunch up your face in disgust. "Yeah, you need to toss it." You shake your head as you take a deep breath in through your nose. You raise your eyebrows and start smiling again.

You're riding the high of finally getting Dave.

You let him know, "I was going to make you toss it today anyway, I bought you a new one."

"You- you did?" Dave sounds surprised, like he thinks this is part of some new prank.

"Yeah." You nodded and then shook your head again while you looked off to the side, "we both always take care of each other."

You sigh, "I put out all these pranks... now I have to clean them all up. Fair is fair."

Dave smiles at you, "okay. okay." He bobs his head up and down, nodding at you like he's good.

You ask him, "cool?" 

He accepts your peace offering, "cool."

The prank war is over. But a new battle just begun.


	20. That Foolproof Plan

Today went well.

Dave doesn't suspect a thing!

He isn't on to you at all! 

He isn't onto your new plan either! 

It's late at night and you're in bed, going over your plans in your head. Thinking about what moves to make next.

Originally you might have wanted to prank Dave into online dating you to finally prove to him that you could get him! By get him you mean trick him into falling for one of your pranks... but now you decided on something better.

Something that you'll both love!

Something foolproof!

A plan guaranteed to make Dave want you and **only** you!

You got the first phase of your plan out of the way,

Step 1: Pantsing Dave and learning about how big he is. 

Step 2: Talking about Dave's massive size, showing him that you can't stop thinking about his cock. Fuck, you're sure he _loved_ hearing all of those jokes earlier today.

Step 3: Get him to get upset at a prank on April Fools. Tricking him into thinking that you've been working on the prank war this whole time! That also doubles as a cover for why you forgot to prank him this past month.

Now the next part of the plan is the fun part!

But for now, you have to keep up with the facade... 

You guess that part 5 is 'continue to message Dave as _babe_ and act like a scummy hoe.'

Dave could choose to fall in love with _babe, _a guy who's so fake that he isn't even fucking real ...or you... someone who treats him right everyday! The guy who lives with him, and takes care of him!

And once Dave picks _you_ and breaks up with babe, he'll forget the whole thing ever happened! 

You just need to get Dave to notice that you were always here and that you are maybe a little open to getting with him, but you hug him all the time and slap his arm playfully **everyday!** You're going to have to force yourself to maybe blush when he looks at you... maybe sigh when he's near? You're not much for showing affection _like that _but if it's what Dave would gush over, you might have to suck up your pride. Not like you have any shame left after you sent that one... picture...

** _"UGH!" _**You groan and roll over onto your back on your bed.

Whenever you're pretending to be babe a bad part of your mind takes over, the part of your mind that just wants to feel desirable. A twisted part of you. A deep, dark part of your mind and soul that just wants to be sexy and hot... just for Dave.

You'd be lying if you said you didn't _fucking love_ feeling yourself up for Dave.

You love that Dave gets so excited just from the words you message him alone.

Dave thinks the way you talk is funny and hot, you bet he keeps picturing stuffing his cock down the throat of the guy on the other end. Dave keeps getting off to that picture of your naked body covered in... _'fucking- ugh...' _

You're starting to get hot from the thought... 

_'damn you, babe.'_

To make matters worse...

You already decided, before you laid down in bed, that babe would have a little april fools joke of his own. If only just to show how weak his jokes actually are to Dave.

Dave only thinks babe is funny cause Dave's horny. 

Dave just wants to _get some._ If Babe wasn't dangling the carrot and just gave it up... maybe Dave would get bored? Maybe Dave would realize that babe can't do anything more than send pictures and flirt. While you're right over here, downing pixy sticks like they're cocks and getting erections on his bed! Okay, maybe just that one time... but you could get hard on his bed everyday! If only he would just open up his eyes and **see you!**

You don't know if that will work... You don't even know what to do.

You can only make a plan now and try to stick with it.

In all honesty, your plan is just two parts;

One: Get Dave to notice you for you, and Two: Get Dave to break up with babe!

Dave breaking it off with babe is key here!

You can't have babe break up with Dave! It will break Dave's fragile heart. 

Dave needs to recognize that babe isn't as funny or as interesting or as sweet as you are!

You just need to let Dave see there's something between the two of you and he'll run right towards you. You sigh, covering your bare chest with your hands, your palms right over your heart. Your lovelorn sigh turns into a groan. You've been putting off messaging Dave, as that hard-to-get slut, for about two hours now.

Ugh! You're never going to message him if you don't just do it! 

You shouldn't think. Babe never thinks.

* * *

hi handsome!

oh

hey

got pranked today?

yeah

my roommate finally got me

oh my god.

cool...

well anyway, i didn't.

probably cause i was busy all day.

i was ran ragged!

really?

yeah!

all day i was looking for different people...

couldn't find any of them!

i just ran around looking for amanda layme.

ok

i see where this is going

couldn't find a willie stroker

shame

i'm still looking for a randy guy.

damn

anita dick

still searching for dick huh?

no, now i'm looking for a. null.

ha

i like that one

f. may wright?

nice

how many of those did you make up?

some...

you proud?

sure

awesome!

but i'm still looking for drew p. weenier

isn't that one from the simpsons?

drew peacock?

well there aint none here

OOOHHHH!

that's what i like to hear!!!

i'm rubbing my hands together,

just so you know ;o

and i'm rubbing something else...

oh

fuck yes

my chest!

hahahaaa!

aprilll foools fool!

shit

you thought you were gonna get some!

ha ha ha

okay i get it

he he he

stop it

ho ha ho

honestly i am fucking fed up with this shit

huh?

listen

you are really getting on my nerves right now

you always toy around with me and i hate it

wait...

hold on.

this...

THIS IS THE STUPIDEST FUCKING APRIL FOOLS PRANK EVER!

ha

cant get you

UGH! you already DID!

and shit, i know you like it when i tease you!!!

how did you get me with such a stupid prank!?

* * *

Dave really just got your hopes up.  
For a moment, you were hoping that Dave was actually annoyed...  
He started messaging babe again. Looks like he has more jokes...

* * *

ive got a better one

hold on

i'm holding on.

im sorry i was a meanie just now

daddy

AURGH!!!

fuck that!

you really hate that shit that much?

YES!

i'm supposed to be the cute one!!

we can both be cute

no!

fuck off!!!

wow

im getting to you huh?

i already told you!

you already got me, asshole!

and you already got me babe

* * *

You scoff at that.  
You hate to hear that.  
Still. _You_ can win this!  
You can win against babe!  
You talk to Dave for several more minutes.  
You're still tired after all that 'depranking' you just did.  
Least the house is clean now... so one thing is going right.  
You tell Dave_, as babe,_ that you're going to bed.  
_Babe_ invited Dave to touch himself to **that photo** that _you_ sent him.  
Dave was apparently getting a lot of use out of it.  
He was brain dead when it came to seeing his _'cute boyfriend'_ covered in ugh... _stuff_.  
Also Dave was way too eager to thank babe for showing off **next to nothing!**  
And hey... Sure.  
Babe might have sex appeal on his side,  
but you two have **_history.  
_**That has to count for something, right?

* * *

are you really tired enough to go to bed?

or are you feeling yourself right now and want an out of our conversation so you can jack off?

i don't see why it can't be both.

tell me how are you touching yourself

hmm?

i'm still rubbing my hand up and down my chest.

yeah?

youre feeling yourself for me baby?

wow

how conceded...

i'm only feeling my CHEST for. you.

that's all!

you still aren't getting aaannny!!!

fuck

are you like a demon trying to get me to sell my soul?

huh? 

im actually reaching some kind of breaking point right now

im that fuckin horny

youve got my mind all twisted up in some knot

im fucking ready to sign a contract in blood

sell my soul to get you to fuck yourself while i'm on the other line and learn to play jazz 

what? jazz?

hey

if i can stroke my cock better than you do i get a picture of your cock?

or is it still a golden fiddle?

i'm not sure i get the reference...

is this a futuramma thing?

god i need you

ok, well...

sorry but i'm not going to start fucking myself while i'm talking to you, when i never got that love letter!

ill make one for you right now

nooo...

i don't want one anymore.

now i want a song!

i can send you a snippet of one

no, i want the whole song!

* * *

Dave stopped messaging you for a while.  
Ha. He's probably rethinking this whole thing because _babe_ is so whiny and demanding!  
_'Who would want to be with a guy like this!?'_  
This part of the plan is going well so far.  
_'heh heh heh.'_   
Once you start showing Dave he can get with you...  
Dave's totally going to drop babe like a hot cake for _you_ for sure!  
Suddenly, you get a message with a link.  
You click it, Dave just dropped a new song.  
Okay, so sex appeal _is_ the right strategy.  
But **two** can play this game.  
"You win this round, babe."

* * *

oh my god!

a song just for me!

you like it?

where are your hands right now?

uh

on my phone

really?

and not wrapped around your thick fucking cock?

* * *

Dave takes a few seconds to reply.  
Oh God. You think you just accidentally invited Dave to start fucking himself...  
You heard a loud thud, like Dave just banged his knee on something.  
"Well babe... you really won this fucking round. But can you win the war, whore?"  
Dave must be rushing to grab lube or something, he still isn't back just yet.  
But it's still to early for... _this._

* * *

okay

now what?

ha!

took you awhile!

sorry

had to get ready

i'm still tired you know, i just told you that.

but now your chances of getting lucky in general are up by about...

let's say 25%

i can work with that

just tell me

are you touching yourself?

i've been stroking myself this whole time,

i just lied to you.

shit i just meant if your feeling your chest

* * *

_'fuck.'_

* * *

don't get excited just yet...

i'm still not giving it up! ;P

fuck but

youre actually working yourself right?

eh, for all you know i could be lying.

maybe this is my reaaal april fools prank!

schrodingers cock

in my mind youre in both states of stroking and not stroking

and no matter what scenario...

i just lied to you.

how often have you been lying to me?

a lot.

fuck

all the time actually.

you're pretty gullible.

don't worry, that's not the reason for why i like you.

why do you like me?

* * *

You answer honestly. You teased Dave enough already. He deserves a win.

* * *

you're nice

plus, you always make me laugh from the silly things you say.

you like my jokes?

nah, your jokes aren't too good.

but i like it when you're not trying to be funny.

whenever you tell jokes, you always end up trying too hard to impress me.

i think you're funny when you're just talking normally to me.

normally?

thats a strange word to use in a conversation about me

ha, but cutie...

i like that your "normal" is actually "strange." 

that's what's funny about you!

i know

im funny to you cause i always end up falling flat on my face whenever i try to impress you 

and im always trying to impress you

don't worry about trying to impress me...

you aren't the sharpest crayon in the box...

but you are my favorite color.

ok

that's the cutest thing anyone has ever said to me

* * *

_'SHIT._   
_ shit shit shit shit shit shit shit!_   
_ FUCK!'_

* * *

sorry, i have to go!

something just came up!

same here

you came!?

no i mean that my cock just pooped up

pooped!?

popped

you know what

just go

you already told me youre tired

just 

i dont know

have a good night

* * *

You slap yourself in the face, palming the bridge of your nose and your glasses.

You accidentally invited Dave to touch himself! You just wanted to tell another joke about how horny he is and then you confessed to him that you were already... **UGH! **

At least you tried to save that! But it came off as so awkward... just so awkward and then babe teased Dave so much and rejected him but you didn't want Dave to feel bad about it so then you tried to cheer him up by giving him a win and then you told him something cute and kind of romantic and now Dave probably likes his boyfriend even more now and **_UGGGGGH!!!!_**

You hate this step of the plan! **Step 5 sucks!**

You are ready for step 4, and you're just going to lay in bed until it's time for that.

You sigh. You shouldn't have worked up Dave like that... you didn't really mean too... but you guess you knew that would happen, in that sick part of your mind that babe occupies you actually want Dave to feel himself up while your on the other line and you wanted to tell him about how you were actually stroking yourself for him but you got so scared and...

Doesn't matter, you're tired anyway...

Probably too tired to even get yourself off right now.

Still, Dave was probably stroking himself while he talked to you.

The idea of Dave working himself while he talked to you wasn't what scared you off... you know that, you actually_ like_ that.

But you had to bail once Dave confessed that something babe told him was the _cutest thing he ever heard._

He should say that about **you!**

He should feel that way about _everything _that **you** say to him!

**Not babe.**

You can do cute.

You can do hot. 

You can do step 4!

The best_ -and most important-_ part of your plan...

Step 4: hang out with Dave everyday like normal... **but with a twist!**

A new spin on an old classic.

Dave doesn't stand a chance once he gets a taste of what you have in-store!

* * *

In the morning when Dave came out of his room you greeted him.

You were standing in the kitchen, making breakfast bowls for the two of you.

Dave's cinnamon-red eyes flickered down at your body, scanning your outfit.

Tight blue short-shorts, hugging your hips and showing off your thighs.

A white, skin-tight, shirt wrapped snugly around your chest.

You adjusted the sweatband on your wrist as you pressed up both of your hands to your chest. You were looking down at the bands, giving Dave a moment to scan your body before you look back at him. You glance up at Dave and sweetly meet his gaze, you slowly give him a smile.

Dave was examining your new look, casually nodding like he's proud he just recognized you got a new haircut or something. 

You nod back at him. "I think i'll join you for a run today."

Dave walked over to his usual seat, nodding again as he strolled over,

"Sure... uh... man..."

You turned back to the stove and continued cooking. You're fucking sure that in the photo that _babe _sent Dave, babe didn't look like he had a waist like yours. Your waist looks so much slimmer in person then in those photos! Plus, you know you look different wearing a shirt too! An added bonus is that Dave likes to be teased. Picturing you with your shirt off is much hotter to him then you just being shirtless! You already know how to get Dave's attention, babe was good for at least one thing. You know what Dave is into, you know what he likes.

Dave hasn't said one word to you after he took his seat. He's just been silently staring at your face while you smile and talk to him as you cook at the stove. You try hard to keep the smile looking friendly and sweet, resisting the urge to bite down on your bottom lip and wink at him, ugh! You can't let Dave know that you can _read his mind._

With that look on his face, he's struggling to keep in his thoughts too.

Suddenly, Dave sneezes.

Oh... Maybe he was keeping in a sneeze _and _his lust for you!

* * *

Over breakfast you found the right time to confess that you **just** got rid of your body hair _the other day_ because of all the exercise you both have been doing together. It made you feel more comfortable, which it honestly did. You joked that Dave shaves his hair off too and that _you two are so similar! _

"We have a lot in common," you tell him. "Think it's all the years of living together?!"

"Might be." Dave was trying hard not to look at you.

Dave just starts digging into his rice bowl, taking a bite of egg yolk and avocado.

Dave knows your cooking is good and You look irresistible to him!

You'll see who will win this battle, **babe.**

The guy who can only send Dave nudes, or the man sitting a few inches away from Dave who can actually touch him.

You notice that Dave has some food stuck to his face.

You start wiping the rice off of Dave's face, "you can be so messy sometimes!"

You lightly brush your fingers over his chin with your thumb, "what am I going to do with you?"

You could feel Dave's breath brush up against the tips of your fingers. 

You smile at him as you laugh, laughing like Dave is _sooo silly. _"How are you always _this_ funny, Dave?!" You lightly giggled.

You lightly broke away from touching him.

You start eating from your bowl again and tell Dave about how you want to watch some storm chasers on his phone while you both eat. He put on a video and propped up his phone for you. You focused your eyes on the screen. After a few minutes of watching tornadoes and wind storms, you could feel Dave glance at you. You looked over to him and gave him a half-smile, like you're about to ask him why he's staring- But suddenly, your stomach started bubbling and growling. You actively chose to not be embarrassed. You laughed it off,

"I've got such bad gas right now!"

Dave started lightly laughing with you. "Me too. shit." 

"People always make fun of me when I say that my gas goes through like cycles!" You joke, "but my gas is building up into one massive burp right now!" 

"I've got the same fight going on but with my ass!" Dave joins you and starts laughing, "I'm going to be farting all run!"

You started howling with laughter and smacking your fist into the counter.

Dave joins you, laughing from how contagious _your_ laugh is.

Dave's pale face is starting to turned flushed from how hard he is laughing. 

There's no fucking way, that Babe is funnier than you! 

Dave might be joking around with you like you're his best friend, but you can win this in the end!

There's no way that Dave isn't tempted to slide his hands underneath your tight white shirt!

There's no way Dave wasn't eyeing you! Picturing how he could grab a hold of your waist and how good it would be to grip onto while he uses you for a real fucking work out!

You'll steal Dave away from that fake online persona you made and he'll forget about the whole stupid thing. Babe will just be a stepping stone to your relationship with Dave.

The love affair you're days away from sparking with Dave will tip the scale. He'll have to break up with Babe once he** fucks** you!

You won't ask for anything, you'll wait for Dave to make the first move.

And unlike that cocktease boyfriend of his, you're willing to do_ anything_ Dave asks of you as soon as he asks.

There's no fucking way you won't steal him away!

You suddenly belch. 

Dave loses his shit, cracking up and wiping a tear from out of his eyes, "fuck! You're right about that cycle shit! It's like a fuckin pressure keg in there!"

You smile and laugh along with him. 

You turn your head and grit your teeth, maybe you're still a bit _toooo_ friendly with him.


	21. Curiosity Killed the Cat, But What It Found Brought It Back

You're waiting by the street curb.

Dave's sweet enough to give you a ride back home after work today,_ yet again._

You already told him in the morning that it was going to be a long shift and that you really appreciate that he's going to pick you up. You acted as sweet and as loving as you could, complementing him on how he's always so helpful. You have to make sure you keep up the aura of a guy whose cute and sweet, but still tempting and a somewhat _dangerous_ lure. You had to take a few cues from your time as babe, you know Dave likes a challenge. You can be that challenge! What's harder then getting with your best friend!?

You spot Dave's car driving up to pick you up, you happily wave at his car without thinking. You do things like that all the time. Dave's sure to find that cute.

He drove up next to you and you smiled at the tinted window.

Once you got into Dave's car you yawned, dragging one of your hands out as you stretch.

You bring your hand down to pat Dave on the arm. 

"Thanks!" You smile at him, "you're the best, Dave."

"It's no problem." Dave smiles as he keeps one hand on the wheel and the other resting on his stick shift. You lightly rub his arm before you move it off of him.

"How was work?" Dave starts up a conversation with you. You wonder if that's a reflex of his, is he trying to ignore that you just rubbed him? If so... _that's a good sign._

"Good!" You reply. "I told a few coworkers about our prank war while I was at work!" You playfully hit his arm. "I found out today that a girl I worked with thought we were dating. I had to tell her that we aren't, but she thought that we were because we're just so close!"

You are lying through your teeth right now. "She even said that we're a cute couple! Could you imagine that?"

You press a finger up to your chin. "Actually... now that I think of it... you always do me favors like this and I always do things like cook for you."

You take the finger off of your face and playfully say, "I don't think it would even be that different if we dated, so I see her point!"

Dave lightly laughed, "It'd be a bit different, wouldn't it?"

He's thinking about it! He's actually thinking about what it would be like to date you!

"How so?" You ask him.

"Couples bang, man." Dave jokes. He fell right into your trap!

"Oh..." You try to hide your excitement and cover your smile with a hand. "Well, I don't know about that! I've seen how big you are and I was never that good at bop it." You joke and laugh. "I'm kidding! I used to be a master at bop it." You start laughing like that was a joke.

"Ha." Dave laughs along with you, his laughs sound more like a dry cough then a laugh. You must be doing something right. 

"I have more jokes now! Wanna hear them?" You smile as you ask, showing Dave that you've been thinking about his cock and how big he is. You don't wait on the reply you just start, "your dick is so big it has it's own following!"

"Follow up to that," you joke, "your dick is so big, for sex you need a stage and an opening act!" 

You didn't get a reaction so you told another.

"Your dick is so big if oil companies knew about it, they'd use it as a drill!" 

Dave kept his eyes on the road and just kept on driving, sighing at your joke.

"Now I get how you stay so fit, lugging that thing around must be a challenge!" You grin at Dave as you speak.

Dave actually laughs a bit at that. You hit him with another joke.

"Your dick is so big, I get why you always wear sweatpants around the house, you can't just stuff that thing into jeans and zip it up!"

Dave cuts in. "See, you make that joke-" Dave chuckles, "that has actually been a problem for me before."

You start laughing. You lightly slap Dave's arm like you're only playing around. 

"Dave, you are so funny!" You smile and ask, "is that true?!"

"Yeah." Dave tries to stop laughing but you must have hit his funny bone!

"You know, you're jokes a pretty good." Dave complements you through his chuckles.

You bite down on your lips and laugh, "you think so? You know, that means a lot to me." 

You tell him, "coming up with good dick jokes is really hard."

You cover your mouth and start giggling, like you didn't mean to make that pun.

You laugh like you didn't think of this conversation in advance.

Dave keeps laughing along with you, chuckling because your laugh is just that contagious.

You feel so happy with the way things are going, you can't help yourself, you laugh harder. 

You try to simmer down it down to a giggle, but you just end up snorting.

Dave starts laughing harder at that.

You cover your mouth with your hand and grit your teeth. 

You recover from your blow, "hey, what's it feel like?" You ask.

Dave simmers his laugh down and asks you to clarify, "what does_ what..._ feel like?"

"You know... um..." You pause for a moment,  "never mind."

"What does it feel like to have a big dick?" Dave asks.

“No!" You gesture with your hands that wasn't what you meant, you rest your hand back onto Dave's arm and act like you don't notice it's there. "I was just wondering... what does it feel like to umm... use_ those things_...?" You blush a little involuntarily. "-You know what I mean.”

Dave asks, “you mean those vibrators I have in my room?”

“Yeah." You nod. "Uh... do they hurt?” 

“It's not really like pain, but it feels different..." Dave tries to explain. "You have to try it to know what I mean."

“Oh...” you mutter under your breath. “I was kind of hoping they’d hurt.”

Dave feels a bit stiff under your hand.

“I’m sorry, you just made me a bit curious is all...” you trail off and lift your hand back up. “Back home already?”

You look ahead at your building coming up down the street.

You mumble to yourself, “so much faster then walking.” 

Dave acts like you spoke to him, “well, man. I don’t think you should be walking alone so late at night.”

You turn your head back over to him, “Thank you, Dave. That’s kind of you.” 

You stare out the window and smile.

You gave him just a little taste of your curiosity. 

Leaving 'em wanting more.

Probably.


	22. Laughter Can Also Be a Response to Frustration

Lately you’ve been walking around the apartment in the tightest-fitting clothing you have. You went out and bought even more and pretended it was _just_ for exercising. You made sure all of the shorts you got would hug your ass and press up against your stomach. At one point, you joked around with Dave while you two were heading out on a jog,

_ “Do you have a harness for that thing!?” You gleefully pointed at his cock and chuckled. _

_You kept quietly laughing,“_ _I mean! You’re so big, Dave!” _

_You snickered. “It’s dangerous!” _

You think things were going pretty well on your end. Dave would occasionally stare at you when he didn't think you were looking, he's got to be picking up on the vibes your sending out. He has to be, then again he never picks up on when people try to hook up with him. He's a bit oblivious to things like this but you're coming on a little strong with the dick jokes. Well, you know Dave is at least checking you out, he always runs ahead of you when you jog so he doesn't check out your ass, that could of course just be because he's faster... Still!

Either way, things are looking up!

Of course you still have to keep up the ruse as babe... after work you messaged him

* * *

hi baby!!!

hey babe.

* * *

You are walking home from work again. Sighing and taking the opportunity to message Dave as babe while he thinks you're still on the clock. You got out of work early today, so you thought it would be a good idea to just get this out of the way now while you get some fresh air.

* * *

how are things going for you?

still working on my music

is that your nickname for your cock now!?

heh heh

are you working hard on your big fat "music?"

damn baby

just say the word and im ready to work my cock for you

ha! doesn't it take you like forever to work lube onto that thing!

i'm surprised you don't have an wrist injury yet!

i mean, i've seen how big you are!

now that i think of it... it's no wonder why YOU recommended me fucking myself with two hands!

that's the ONLY way you can wrap yourself fully around your cock!

i can send you another pic if youre that excited

huh? i sound excited?

maybe you should read back what you just sent me babe

* * *

Shit! Your habit of hitting on Dave is starting to backfire!

* * *

oh... that's like my default setting when it comes to cock.

aren't you like... the same?

oh yeah

i mean id get pumped if we were talking about your cock

can we talk about your cock?

ha! no.

what if its not a sex thing?

we can make this a sexy pen pal thing

fine

you get ONE yes or no question.

are you smaller then six inches?

UGH

what?

i am six inches.

holy shit

cute

okay!

WOW!

i'm going to go now!

wait wait wait

i meant its cute the way that you confessed that

sure.

you know you

i know me, yes.

shit

wait

i mean you know how you are

youre sweet 

youre cute

sure, you think that NOW.

what do you mean

i'm cute and sweet and nice to you, for now...

but what about when we start actually having sex over the phone, huh?

you think you can keep up?

i can do whatever you want baby

even if it hurts?

shit

yes

listen, i don't want you to push yourself too far for my sake.

babe

i can take over 10 inches in my ass

i don't mind smacking myself around a lil

were good

hmmm

well its just over the phone anyway.

right

and you still haven't earned anything like that yet.

damn it

heh heh heh

but you're so sweet to me, why don't you send me a pic?

i will if you send me one

wow, didn't you just offer me one earlier in our conversation?

and now you're asking ME for a pic?

you like taking control?

you like making me do what you want?

hmmm.... i like that.

* * *

Dave just dropped a photo of himself, shirtless, stroking his cock in his computer chair.  
He looks so huge.  
He must have just taken that right this second.  
He must be hard for you _right now._  
You bite your lip and cover your phone.  
You're still in public right now!

* * *

you’re so fucking hung!

no wonder you’re a virgin,

you must have never met a guy who has the nerve to take all of that.

id like to be on the bottom actually

but 

youre the exception

i know that!

i was making something called a joke...

or was i?

;D hahaha

how much do you think you can take?

all of it?

can you reach the base?

no no, no sexy roll play yet!

and no more questions!

just a friendly sexy pen pal question!

No! i said you get ONE!

and we're not ready for play time yet, dave!

shit

you have to work for it ;P

fuck

but you did earn this

* * *

Its a pic of your body in another bathroom mirror that you took earlier, he's going to guess you took it ages ago too judging by how you had that at the ready... you actually have quite a few... things... at the ready, this is all he gets from babe for right now. - UGH! He'd get more if he'd just ask _you_ yourself for some! -  
In the photo you sent him, there’s a slight sliver of your dick peeking over the sink. You pressed your elbows together to hide your waist as your phone covered your neck and part of your face. You were slightly facing away from the mirror so Dave could also see a tiny bit off your bottom.  
He's got to really love this pic from his boyfriend, you're going to have to work hard to make him forget all about _this._

* * *

ha

thats

thats more than

my mind can take

that’s cause all your blood is in your dick

that explains that

explains a lot actually ha

aww, you earned the right to be braindead.

you're being so patient. such a good boy!

well wish me luck

i think this might kill me

why?

you going to do something reaaallllly naughty this time?

yep

youre going to kill me

also yes to your question

oh! be careful!

don’t demolish your cock before i can get to it!

k

ill make sure to

not

do that

bye!

peace babe

* * *

Dave stopped messaging you after that so you pocketed your phone.

You walked down the sidewalk. You sniffle your nose and suddenly sneeze. 

You kick a rock down the sidewalk, no it wasn't a rock... it was an old chunk of the road.

You hurt the top of your toes kicking it. You needed something to distract you from the pain.

You take out your phone and check your messages. Nothing.

Something about this makes you feel a bit uneasy. You aren't sure why.

You feel a bit worried for Dave, maybe it's because Dave's _'boyfriend'_ is just playing around with him... no... that's not it.

He isn't-

You aren't.

You never intended to hurt him.

You aren't going to hurt him!

It's just that... Dave's interest in a guy like _this_ is starting to rub you the wrong way. 

Babe just said that Dave didn't 'earn' doing anything sexual with him. UGH. _'Earn!?'_

Dave could do better than a guy than your persona, he's sleazy and only interested in talking about sex.

Dave could do way better! You're trying to get him to see that!

Babe is just _seducing_ Dave, but Dave has a big heart!

This relationship he's in is just a sex thing, when Dave is _clearly_ a romantic!

His 'boyfriend' keeps shutting him down, because ‘he’ thinks they haven't been dating long enough to do anything sexy yet. But Dave keeps getting strung along... proving that he's interested in babe with a song but babe just ran away once Dave got to close to touching the carrot that babe is dangling.

That's on you though... you are the one that made a horned up persona to seduce Dave as... as a joke.

But now you realize that Dave deserves a better guy than someone who does nothing but tease him! But... babe also showed that he cares for Dave, he cared about his safety during the hurricane and he cares about giving Dave more self-esteem... even if babe isn’t the nicest guy sometimes... Dave still likes the way babe teases him because Dave has fun and laughs along with him...

You just feel so frustrated!

You know Dave can do better than babe. 

You know that you are prefect for him, but you can't shake this feeling!

You just feel so frustrated...

with yourself.


	23. Sick and Tired

"Achoo!"

You just finished your most recent coughing fit and now you moved right on to sneezing again.

You groan as you settle back down into the couch. Nuzzled up in blankets with a few pillows underneath your back and head.

Dave is in the kitchen, making you some white rice and microwaving it in a bowl. 

Dave is a horrible cook, but he's trying. You appreciate the effort... and the attention.

But damn it all... He heard your entire cough fit, he hears every time you blow your nose and he heard you hurl earlier! You groan in misery. 

_'No one can be sexy when they are this sick!'_

Dave finished prepping your rice for you and brought it into the living room. He put it on the table and told you,

"It needs time to cool down."

You sniffle. "Thanks." 

You sneeze hard out of nowhere and onto the blanket.

You make a face.

"What?" Dave asks you, you guess you must look really grossed out right now.

"I sneezed so hard I peed a little." You confess.

"...oh..." Dave sounded nearly silent.

"Actually..." You say it like it's a joke, "I peed a lot." You hope that does something for him.

"Ah..." Dave takes a moment before he speaks again. "Maybe take a shower then."

Maybe wasn't the best thing to say, at least a shower sounds good.

"Good idea." You start to get up, "I'll just take a quick-" You wheeze and start coughing. 

You settle back down into your couch. You need a few moments. Your headache is pulling you back down.

You sigh, your lungs even sound heavy as you let the air out of them.

Dave smiles down at you, "you have off work. Right, dude?"

"Today and tomorrow, yeah." You nod. 

"Good." Dave sounds content with that.

Your throat feels completely scratched up as you cough into your fist.

"I'm going to go out and get you some red bull, you need it."

"Thanks. I owe you." You give Dave an uncomfortable half-smile, your head is splitting into two. 

"Don't worry about it, man. We always look out for each other." Dave gives you a slight smile.

"Yeah." You lightly cough to clear your throat. "We do."

You happily hum, phlegm in your lungs vibrating as you do. Making you hack again.

You narrow your eyes, your entire begin right now is disgusting. 

Once you get healthy... you're going to have to make up for this.


	24. Some People Call It Liquid Courage

You got healthy again, all of those veggie-apple juice shakes Dave's been pumping into you along with those cans of red bull made you a picture of health. Just kidding, you're still coughing... but you're much better now. 

It's a straight week of walking around the house in tight shorts, giggling at nearly every word that Dave's said and notta. Nothing!

You were waiting at the curb_ again_ for Dave to pick you up _again_ after a late night of work. Holding the present from your coworkers in your right hand while you stew in your own frustration. Waiting for Dave on the curb like always.

Working on chipping away at the wall of friendship between you and Dave isn't going as well as you hoped. This gift you just got is definitely not going to help at all! Still it's a nice gesture and you could use something to lift the stress off of your shoulders.

Dave pulls up and you hop into the passenger's seat and flash him your signature, Egbert smile. 

"Before you ask, Dave." You tell him. "Work was good."

"Cool." He nods as he starts pulling into the street again. 

"My co-workers heard it was my birthday coming up soon, so they all got me this bottle. They said to open it up on my birthday but I just thought, 'why not have a little tonight?'" You gestured with your hand for Dave to wait just a moment before he says anything, "I'm _Not_ asking you to have any, mister _on-the-wagon_."

Dave sighed and then lightly chuckled to himself. "I'm your designated driver for the night, anyway." 

* * *

_"hi-urp!"_

Somehow, you just created a mix between a hiccup and a burp.

You were already in your pajamas for the night, drinking shots out of a glass on the living room floor.

You just decided to work yourself back up to the couch.

You sat down next to Dave. He was checking the label on the bottle for how strong it is. 

You wrapped your arm around Dave's shoulders and with the other arm you grab the bottle back.

"I love you, man!" You chuckled. You kissed his cheek and said it again, "I fuckin- fucking... _you're my guy!"_

"Okay!" Dave pulled you off of his shoulders. "Once you get into the 'I love you, man's, I know that you're shit-faced." 

"Awww! But, Dave!" You wiggled the bottle around. The small amount of liquid left at the bottom dances, peaking out from underneath the bottle's label. "There's only a little bit leeeft!"

"Then save it." Dave took the bottle from your hand, he bent down and picked up the shot glass on the table too, along with the empty glass of water he kept refilling for you, _'like a fucking nark.'_

Dave walked over to the kitchen, he placed the glass in the sink as you booed him.

"Booooo!" You stumbled up to him. "You're the- the party killer!"

"That's right, I'm the party killer." Dave agreed that he's been a total buzz kill!

"You suck!" You try to point at him but your arm is too tired to point.

Dave walks over to the fridge, skirting past you as you hold yourself up using the counter.

"John," Dave puts the bottle in the fridge. "You said yourself that you were just going to have a little."

"I think we both know that I was lying." You tilt your head down and give him a look.

Dave lets out a long, breathy sigh. He smacked his lips together once before saying, "let's go to bed."

"Ohhhh, are you hitting on me!?" You joke. "I'm kidding,_ I'm kidding!"_

Dave places his hands on your shoulders, he walks behind you as he guides you into your bedroom.

"Hmmm." You huff out your nose, you're feeling so hot all of a sudden with Dave's hands clasped around you. "I have been feeling a stressed out lately... and I think it's the _booze_ talkin' but... I'm sooo horny, Dave!" 

Dave opens your door. He hurries to bring you inside your room.

"Okay." He drags you over. "It's definitely lights out for you."

"But it isn't even a school night." You joke. "Come on, I'm drunk! Let's like- watch like- let's let's see some of those- those... things?"

"Things?" Dave asks you to clarify as he holds you.

You remembered the word. "Movies!"

"Tomorrow." Dave shuts you down like the self-proclaimed party killer he is.

Dave guides you over to you bed and lifts up your sheets.

You fit yourself into bed, but you don't want Dave to go._ Dave is the party!_ Dave is always the party to you!

You hold onto his wrist and pull yourself up as you point out, "I could- I could get sick."

"If you need help with anything, I'll be in my room." Dave makes you get back into bed, "I'm going to get you another glass of water. I want you to drink it." 

"Ugh!" You groan. "Okay, dad!" You giggle at your own joke. 

Dave grabs onto the sheets and pulls them over you. 

Dave hurries out of your room and into the kitchen to get you some water.

You blew it.

Dave is going to leave you alone for the night when you wanted to spend the night with him again!

There goes your Friday night. 

You narrow your eyes, still wearing your glasses but your vision is blurry.

You cross your arms as you wiggle yourself further down into your bed, settling down underneath the sheets.

"Comfy." You grumble. 

You wait on Dave to come back with the glass he said he'd bring. He take a few moments to get you some ice too. _'so sweet.'_

When he enters the room again, he makes you sit up to drink from the glass he's holding. _'He's always so sweet.'_

Dave sits down besides you as you take the cup and drink all the water he brought just for you.

It feels so good for how hot you are right now at the moment.

Once you're done, you hand the glass back to your soon-to-be-boyfriend and settle back into bed. 

Dave smiles down at you and ask if you're good. "You cool, man?"

Dave looks so fucking sexy above you like this. "You- you are great, Dave."

"Thanks." Dave takes your complement. "Are you good?"

"I'm- yeah...you know... You- you fuckin' hmm..." You trail off. "You- you. You. You're the best- best."

"Thank you." Dave cuts you off.

"I'm not finished!" You bark at him. "You're the best!!! gu-guy I've ever known."

"Cool." Dave nods, he takes off your glasses for you and sets them down on your nightstand.

"I'm still... still hot." You mumble.

"Can't sleep that off." Dave jests as he sits up.

"HA!" You laugh. "Dave you are so funny!" He called you hot! 

Dave got up from your bed, "night, man."

You quietly whine, "noooo. don't go."

Dave walks over to the door anyway, "I'll turn the fan on for you, big guy."

You laugh. "You're big."

Dave closes the door, expecting you to get some sleep.

But after seeing Dave on your bed and treating you so kindly, you still feel so hot.

You close your eyes for a while, tossing and turning. Trying to get some rest like Dave told you to, and you want to do what makes Dave happy. But your mind was telling you **no!** You were so bothered by thoughts of Dave.

You want to get up and grab some lube from the sink. You know Dave had lube in the sink.

No. Not a good idea. Dave would know you borrowed his lube, or he might figure it out. You're not sure.

You're mind is a bit hazy at the moment. 

You push yourself up. Maybe you have lotion or something you could use to rub one out.

You stumble around your room. You feel around your desk. You laugh. You forgot your glasses. That and the light.

You can still smack around and look for something. You trace your fingers over pens and worn out notebooks. 

You feel a bag of chips and a packet of gum.

Nothing. Nothing. OH! 

"Hello!"

You hold it up. You squint your eyes but it's hard to see in the dark and without your glasses on.

You can feel the smooth texture and the wires coming out of the bottom. It's the toy Dave gave you!

You guess you can use this! You've used it before a few times to do this. It feels good on your thighs, reminds you of Dave.

You were looking for it, right? Yeah you found the thing you were looking for.

You're bed right right next to a wall. You know there's a power outlet near the mattress that you never use for anything but this. You feel around the side of the wall for a hole. It takes you a while to find it, even longer to plug the thing in. 

You pull off your shirt while you wait for it to warm up. You pull down your pants a bit and start working yourself with both hands. You spit directly onto your dick, wait no. You miss. You giggle. If only Dave was here to help you with this. Hmmm, he wouldn't though. He'd never play around with you while you're inebriated, _'he's such a cool guy'_... still... you're going to picture him playing around with you, just like always.

You feel around for the toy on your bed. You pick it up and press it to your stomach. 

The feeling is intense, but to you it kind of tickles. 

You keep working yourself with one hand, shocking yourself with the other. 

You press the tip of the toy all over your thighs.

You bite down on your lip and groan.

You hold down the toy for longer, picturing Dave touching you with it.

You're starting to actually get hard now, the alcohol made your dick take a nap. You laugh at the thought.

You lift up the toy too quick by mistake due to your laughter and you accidentally hit your dick. You gasp at the feeling.

_"Ah! God!"_

You pull it away. It felt so, so painful.

You press it to your shaft again.

"_Fu_-FUCK!"

You pulled it away.

You started jerking yourself off with your other hand, the feeling from the static charge still lingering on your length.

"Hmmm!"

You press it to your tip and hold it down.

"Fuck-fuck-fuck me-fuck me!"

You dig Dave's shirt out from under your pillow. You need it right now.

You press Dave's shirt up to your lips and kiss his scent.

You moan into it. 

"da-_**AHHH!"**_

You shocked your cock again on accident. It felt even hotter than the other times.

You didn't know you were about to get shocked! It feels so good not knowing when the pain is going to come.

That and you have Dave's scent covering your face.

_'God,'_ You scream in your head. _'I wish that my hand was Dave's!'_

You keep pumping yourself. Moaning at the feeling of pumping yourself and screaming each time you shock yourself.

"AGH!" You hit your cock good this time. "FUCK!" 

"IT HURTS SO MUCH!" You groan.

You moan like you're moaning for Dave, you **are **moaning for Dave!

"I fucking love it!" You yell as you pump yourself. "Fuck! I fucking need it!"

You mumble to yourself, "makemecum! makemecum! AUGH!" You accidentally hit yourself again.

You kept holding the wand up to your cock as you groaned, "I'M! AHHH!"

* * *

Once you finished you at least remembered you had to unplug the thing.

You wiped yourself clean with the closest thing you could find, some rag or something. 

It took you awhile to recover from how good that was.

You closed your eyes for a while. 

You needed to do something though.

You got up. You brought the wand with you, the wire trailing down to the floor and right next to your feet as you walked over to the place you had to go.

You grabbed onto the handle and pushed open the door.

The lights were out. Dave was laying down in bed. Probably, you still can't see. 

"I'm finally alive." You tell Dave. 

"Yeah... Do you have to be alive at 3AM?" Dave asks, he was in bed.

“I get up early.” You point up your finger even though he couldn't see, “and that’s not just a ru-euthniasm- euphemism.”

Dave starts chuckling, "I left you alone for an hour and this is what happens."

"Sorry..." You apologize. "But... I just wanted to ask... before I forget-forgot-get- okay... before I forget, wait-_ what?"_ You noticed that you were pointing at the toy in your hand. "Oh yeah." 

You grabbed onto the black wires again and twiddled around with it as you asked, "where did you get it?"

Dave sighs as he tells you, "online." 

"Where though?" You tilt your head, a bit to much, you almost fall over.

"I can send you a link to the store I usually buy shit from." You can hear Dave's mattress creak. 

"Okaaaay..." You started giggling. "Thanks Dave, you're such a good ferdan-friend."

Dave muttered something.

"Hmm, what?" You walk forward. 

Dave muttered something again. "mmh, onn."

"Whhat?" You stumbled towards his bed. You walked to fast and you had to sit down on something.

"I said, 'thanks, John.'" Dave clarifies. 

"Ohhh... why?" You ask.

Dave sat up in his bed, you're sitting down right next to him? Oh yeah, you just sat down.

You lazily lift up your violet wand and struggled to hold it up.

You put the toy up to his chest and zap him.

It must still be a little electric because Dave just moved a bit back and away from you. 

"Did I hurt you?" You gasp.

"A little, man. Hand that over to me." Dave ask you for the toy. "You are a walking hazard right now. You shouldn't use that thing if you're drunk."

"But it was- it was fun." You burped, you caught the tail end of your belch with your fist.

You tilted your head forward as you burp.

Dave grips onto the wand you were holding.

Dave moved the toy away from you, but you were still holding onto it.

You didn't know why, but you wanted to hold onto it, so you did.

You moved forward as Dave dragged you back and started laying on Dave's chest.

You giggled. "You dragged me with you." You kept giggling.

"Okay." Dave managed to get the toy out of your hand as you wrapped your arms around him.

Dave was patting at your shoulders. "Let me get you into bed-"

You slightly gasped and looked up at Dave. "Da-dave! But you-you're married!" You started laughing as you smooshed your face into his chest again.

You were hoping that Dave didn't see your chest, but you just looked like a gray blur in the dark, just like Dave did.

"I have a boyfriend." The blurry version of Dave defended himself. "John, you know I meant I want to help you back into your own bed-"

"hmm." You started hugging his chest.

You mumbled something, you weren't sure what you said. It was like, "mmhefthmm." 

* * *

You blink and take a deep breath as you woke up.

You feel a blistering pain in the front of your brain, right below your forehead but somewhere behind your eyes. Shit you are sure an ice-pack isn't going to reach where your hurting.

You need some gatorade. You can't recall what you did last night... you think you jerked off for a bit... and you were loud. You hope you didn't say anything stupid.

You breathe out hot air out of your nose. You feel it bounce back slightly, like it just echoed off of something.

You felt warmth right next to you.

You feel like gasping but you're breathless

You just slept in bed with Dave.

This is Dave. Shirtless and next to you. In bed. Next to you in bed and also Dave. Your brain is struggling to understand just what's going on under the intense pain your feeling.

You aren't going to let a headache come between you and this moment.

Dave's arms are wrapped around you, he must cuddle in his sleep. Oh God. You always wake up with a pillow in your arms, he must too!

_'We're both cuddlers! We're so perfect for each other!'_

You press your forehead up against his pecs. Oh God, they feel so much more firm than you expected. You breathed in his scent.

Dave's face was up against your hair. He was breathing out of his mouth and onto the top of your head. 

He starts smacking his lips.

Dave hums.

_'Oh no. No no no. He can't be up yet!'_

A breath comes out of his nose.

_ 'He **is** up.'_

You don't move an inch as Dave smacks his lips again and lifts up his head. 

He whispers,_ "okay."_

He doesn't move his arms.

He just places his head back down.

He's letting you sleep longer. 

You feel like screaming, you have to keep it in. 

Dave is so good to you. 

You happily cuddle more with Dave as he lets you rest.

You feel a heat bubbling up in your chest, snuggling next to the one you adore.

Dave is shirtless and nursing you in his arms as you struggle with your headache.

He's taking such good care of you, you want this too last.

You lay next to him for what feels like forever but you know that once your up it will still seem like it was only a fleeting moment.

As Dave was holding you. You pictured that the two of you were dating and in love... You imagined that he couldn't bring himself to wake you up because he loved you so much that he couldn't bear to wake you up early. 

You want him to hold onto you like this every night... you know that he has someone else he's with - or rather thinks he's with - but after feeling you in his arms, how could he not want _this_ every night!?

You decide it is time to kill the fantasy you've been dreaming of, time to go back to being Dave's best friend and not his lover.

You stir a bit in Dave's arms. Your face still in Dave's chest, your hands find themselves on Dave's waist.

You start patting onto Dave's abs and chest like you are feeling a wall in the dark. 

You bring yourself to finally gasp.

"Wha-what happened!?" You shoot up in bed.

You cover your chest with his blanket, hiding your body from him. You're only topless but still, so is he.

Dave explained, "you came in here last night and sat on my bed, you decided to lay down for a bit and then you feel asleep on top of me."

"Wha-what?" You pressed your hand up to your head. "Ouch."

You ask Dave as you nurse your head ache, "how long have you been up?"

"Five minutes. I didn't want to wake you."

"Thanks for that." A sharp pain in your skull drags your head down into your shoulders. "oww... my head." You keep rubbing the area of your head that's in pain like that will help.

"I can make you an ice pack." Dave tells you.

"Thank-ouch!" The pain drags you back down into the pillows.

"I need to lay back down for a while." You settle back where you were before. "I can... um... just- just give me a min and i'll move to the couch."

"Don't worry about it, man." Dave says as he sits up. "Stay as long as you need."

"Really?" You ask, turning over to face him as he walks to the doorway. You continue, "I don't want to-"

"It's fine." Dave lets you know. "You just keep nursing that headache till you feel better." 

You smile at him as he walks away to get you an ice pack and probably another glass of water.

You bring Dave's sheets up to your face, they smell even more like him then his shirt does.

You let out a breathy, airy sigh.


	25. Walk of Some Shame

You've been laying in Dave's bed for a long while now. You're still under his sheets, nursing your headache.

The can of redbull and the glass of water Dave left for you on his nightstand are both empty now.

You've been thinking long and hard about last night.

You can't even appreciate being able to rest in Dave's bed any more.

You still aren't 100% clear on somethings that happened last night.

You must have barged into Dave's room after you... you'd rather not think about that.

But what else happened? You know nothing frisky.

You just remember... _finishing..._ on yourself and wiping it off with... 

something...

You gasped and jolt up in Dave's bed.

You must have used Dave's shirt you <strike>stole</strike> borrowed.

You wiped yourself down with it!

You have to burn it!

No that's drastic.

You have to wash it! 

You get up and cover yourself in one of Dave's sheets, you can't risk Dave seeing your bare chest.

He's probably beaten it to your topless torso so many times that he'd instantly see you and think_ 'Babe!'_

You grab your violet wand off of Dave's nightstand and shimmy in your room in a toga made from Dave's sheets.

You hurry out of your roommate's bedroom like a walk of shame.

"Hey, man." You heard Dave's voice coming from the living room couch. "You're up."

You slowly turned your head and nervously smile.

"How you feeling?" He's concerned about if you're headaches better when you're wrapped up in his bed sheets.

"I feel... a bit better." You awkwardly chuckle.

"Did... nothing really happen between us or?" You hold up the toy. 

"Trust me." Dave tells you as he lays back in the couch. "Nothing happened."

* * *

hi, sweetie!

hey babe

* * *

Once you got in your room - after the world's more awkward conversation - you started messaging Dave as his 'temporary' boyfriend again.

* * *

how are you doing?

tired

you didn't sleep well last night?

not really

i didnt really get that much sleep

poor thing, did something keep you up?

well my roommate came into my room last night

not liking this so far.

dont worry

he was drunk

oh, i really don't like that.

did he pull a move on you?

no

* * *

"oh thank god."  
You sigh after you whisper to yourself.  
You feel so relieved... but now that you think of it...  
You know that Babe is the jealous type... and you can see what Dave honestly thinks about your advances. Maybe you should have at least a bit of fun with this.

* * *

well...

CLEARLY if he went into your room he wants YOU.

he was drunk

all that happened was he fell asleep on my bed

what?

>:|

babe

you know im not that kind of guy

i know that!

i'm saying he "wanted that" from you,

not that he "expected that" from you.

uh

i dont think john wants to sleep with me

hes just going through

a thing

a thing?

i think its all the health and wellness shit were going through

huh?

you know i started a new diet

this brand new routine

he joined in

i mean

even i feel sexier

and you already know how fuckin hot i am

* * *

You press your lips together, trying hard not to smile. Babe would feel differently. He doesn't find Dave's jokes funny at the best of times.

* * *

yeah yeah

what was that about your roomie going through a "thing?"

there really isnt anything there

you say that

he probably wanted to fall asleep next to you!

he probably wanted you to hold him...

like i want too...

did you hold him?!

god..

are you jealous?

no!?

why would I be?

i’m the one who's dating you!

k

UGH!

dave!

just tell me....

if there is something between you two.

babe

i’m dating you

so?

you don't think you couldn't seduce your roommate?!

with your looks?!

if its anything

hes just toying around with me as a joke

nothing happened between us

trust me


	26. Friendship.

"Let's have lunch together!"

You come out of your room, pretending your headache is completely cleared up. It's a stinging and mind-numbing pain, but you have to ignore it.

You just stopped messaging Dave a few moments ago, you have **got** to stop chatting with him as Babe. You talked for so long, you ended up talking about Doritos and snack foods, trying to make Babe seem unhealthy. Dave thought the idea of Babe eating M&M's everyday as 'cute.'

The horror must end.

"Lunch?" Dave asks you if "you want to go out to eat?"

"Yeah! We used to eat out all the time together!" You smile at him, "aaand I owe you for taking care of me."

"You don't owe me anything, John." The way he said that made your heart dance.

You have to suck up all of your emotions. You adore Dave so much that at times it's a challenge to look at him, when he talks like that it makes it even harder. You keep avoiding eye contact with him, but for a moment you look into his eyes just to tell him, "we can go to one of those vegan places downtown."

You look away from him again him. "I know you're going to tell me we should eat healthy."

"Fuck it, man." Dave sighs. "It's Wednesday, let's fucking chow down some loaded fries."

* * *

Alight! So!

Seducing Dave was a bust!

So he didn't respond to it nearly at all. Doesn't matter. You can work with this!

What you have between you two is **_real love._**

Let Babe do the sex thing! You wanted to romance Dave in the first place anyway!

Dave is driving you over right now to go eat some fries, just like you used to do together.

You can turn this into something romantic. Maybe look off to the side and blush when he speaks? That's not hard when the light always dances off of his beautiful white hair like sunlight off of the surface of water. You sigh at the thought as you watch him drive.

You're definitely going to keep giggling at everything he says. Every word he says makes your heart twist and dance to the rhythm of his words as he speaks.

Once the two of you get inside the place, you order up the largest size of garlic cheesy fries they have. You're sure you're going to die, the plate of fries you ordered is bacon loaded, topped with fried-onions, a sunny side up egg, avocado, jalapeños, pork belly and fried pickles. It's a heart attack in a basket. 

You take a seat in a booth with Dave. 

Dave sits down right across from you, his hair is already shining from the fluorescent lighting.

You say to Dave, "feels so strange coming here with you again."

"Yeah?" He rests one of his arms on the table as he leans back into his seat.

"We haven't eaten out in forever!" You snicker, "feels almost like a date, doesn't it?"

"Ha." Dave chooses to take that as a joke, "that's because it is."

Dave kept the joke going, "next time I'll take you out to a place that uses plates instead of baskets and instead of drinking soda from a paper cup, we can drink wine... also from a paper cup."

"Ohhh." You pretend to be impressed. You put your hand over your heart. "You'd do that for me."

"Anything for you, my man." Dave nods, lightly pushing his shades back with one of his hands.

Dave always used to joke around with you like this, joke around by pretending the two of you are a couple. Just like it's some hilarious joke that the two of you would ever get together. Well, you're damn sure you've got a chance! If Dave loves being with a low life like Babe, he'll _adore_ being with a low life like you!

You decided to keep the joke going yourself. "You think you could take me out to a place that has real silverware someday? and not just little wooden sporks?" You lift up your tiny tan spork to show him what you mean.

"You know what, man?" Dave points at you. "You're worth a place with real wine glasses."

You giggle. Covering your overbite with the tips of your fingers. Just as you do, a server walks up to your table.

Once the fries drop down onto your table you drop everything and gawk at it. "OUUUHHH!"

"Fuck yeah." Dave nods, grabbing his small wooden spork and diving in.

"It's like a forbidden treasure." You pick up your spork and hunch over the table, looking just like a crab picking at a clam with its claw.

You shovel a sporkful of onion rings into your mouth. Cheese already dripping out of the corner of your mouth along with crumbs and caramelized onions. 

Dave feels the need to talk about how amazing the food is, more than partaking in eating it, "imagine instead of running out with a bowling ball in hidden temple, you'd run around the temple with this shit."

You speak with your mouth full as you point at him, "I loved that show when I was a kid!" 

You swallow down your food, "what team did you root for?!" 

"Red Jaguars." Dave instantly replies. He picks up a fried pickle and places it in his mouth.

You give out a small snort through your nose, "why, cause they were red?"

Dave defended the team. "Cause they always won-"

"-Not always." You quickly interject.

Dave continues, "...is your favorite the blue barracudas?"

"Let's change the subject." You stick your fork into a pile of orange cheesy goo to find at least one fry.

Dave laughs as he loads his side of fries with even more hot sauce.

Your stomach bubbles at the sight of Dave loading the fries with tabasco. You groan, "it's been so long since I've had food like this, it's already heavy in my stomach."

"It hasn't been _that long_, John." Dave points out.

"I'm used to eating better now." You kept groaning as you shovel more into your mouth. "A week is long enough for me to.. I don't break a habit- if you can call eating a pile of junk food a habit."

Dave smiles as he points with you with his little cheese covered spork,

"I was just talking to Babe about that, how the two of us are both eating better together."

You make a bitter face, he's going to go off about how great and perfect babe is again.

"He told me that he only ever eats cheetos and pop-tarts after I brought it up that- wait... what's with that face?"

"Listen... I'm kind of tired of hearing about your Babe." You confess as you point your own cheesy spork at him.

"Oh, sorry man." Dave's brows perk up as he lowers his wooden utensil. "I didn't- uh- realize that you'd be annoyed with me talking about _him_."

"It's just... you talk about him all the time." You sigh.

"I do?" Dave asks.

"A lot... yeah." You nod at him like he's playing the fool at the moment. 

"Okay, uh..." He tries to find another subject, "well... in other news, I'm working on a new album."

"And he's your muse right?" You lower your brows.

Dave shuts up.

You sigh. "Just... talk about the stuff that we used to talk about." You ask very little of him. "It's not hard, we used to come to this place all the time and just talk about stupid shit we saw online."

"There's more to life then memes, John." Dave shakes his head.

"That man has changed you." You say the words like he just spoke something blasphemous. 

"No man, memes hold an important place in my now inflamed heart. Right next to the cholesterol you injected into it with these fuckin fries, damn. What I meant... was that, I was thinking we could talk about you and your life." 

"Oh... uh... I guess I haven't really talked to my dad in awhile. I think maybe I should call him soon."

"That's good." Dave nods. Letting you do the talking.

"Uh... I watched a trivia show the other day, found out some cool stuff."

"Cool, like what?" He asks as he bites into an onion ring.

"If you stayed awake for more than like... seventeen hours it's the same as having like two glasses of wine." 

"Really? Explains why my works been shit lately." Dave says with his mouth still filled with food.

You notice that Dave is going to grab a napkin to wipe his face with, you quickly out stretch your hand to grab one too. The tips of your fingers end up touching the top of Dave's hand. You leave it there for a moment and look down at it. You're the one to pull your hand away first. You start scratching the back of your neck with it and awkwardly humming, "hm... You- uh- Did you know that there was a study that found that Oreos were as addictive as cocaine to lab rats?" 

"Yeah?" Dave asks. He sounds actually interested.

"And oh!" You clap your hands together. "I heard Oreos has these new flavors out now too! Like birthday cake! I hear it's really sweet!"

Dave smiles sweetly, "Babe told me something just like that earlier today." 

You narrowed your eyes at him.

"Huh... oh... sorry." He awkwardly smiled. 


	27. Why Not?

Another two days have past. Dave's never been one to use common sense, but you've been honestly trying so hard to flirt with him and get him to notice you as more than just a friend.

You giggle at everything he says.

You cuddle up to him on the couch.

You even tried to make him pancakes in the shape of hearts. Emphasis on tried... you kind of fucked that up horribly. Looked more like teardrops and on top of that you burnt them. 

Course, you had to _still_ keep up the facade as Babe, and of course _his_ only interest is sex...

You can't say that you don't enjoy it. Playing around with Dave, having Dave tell you how sexy you are and how hot your body is. 

Dave tells you how he plays around with himself, you always want to hear every little detail and how good it feels to touch himself while he thinks of you. Apparently when you're out Dave goes hard on himself, punishing his hole and moaning out to cum.

You fucking want to hear it so badly. You just told him that as Babe, but he took it as an opportunity to start a voice chat. You had to decline the call. You can't let him hear you're nasally, nerd voice. You hated confusing Dave like this... mostly because you love it.

You sort of always send mix messages to Dave on accident.

Each time you suggest the concept of cyber sex with Dave -by accident or on purpose- It's like you're placing your hand on a stove and before you touch it, you pull away. It feels just as hot too, and dangerous. It always feels so hot... just like right now.

* * *

dave

you're always so funny!

we can't do anything that naughty yet!

well

cant say i didnt know that would happen

youre just having your fun with me

like always?

yeah

but hey

ill take whatever i can get

if i got you to laugh

i think i still came out with a win

* * *

You're laying down in your bed.  
You chuckle to yourself at Dave's response.   
He always wants to get everyone to laugh.  
Giving it a moment of thought, "why not?"  
You guess you're hard already.  
You take off your clothes and start working yourself.  
You snap a photo of yourself, completely naked.  
If you_ have_ to be Babe, you might as well enjoy it.  
Before you send Dave that photo, you check over it. Analyzing it by tilting your head and humming to yourself. Once you decide it's good, you start chatting with Dave again.

* * *

what are you doing right now?

well my roommates been napping

so while we were talking ive been working on dinner

really?!

you can cook?

not really

not as good as my roommate at least

actually

im almost done

probably going to wake him up in a sec

alright!

bye!

bye babe

* * *

You quickly pull your tight white shirt back on...

You need to get dressed if Dave's going to be coming into your room soon.

Or maybe.... you don't have to...

You bite down on your lips. You start working yourself again.

You start lightly moaning. Feeling your chest with one hand and working yourself with the other. Dave thinks your chest is fucking hot. He probably wants to cum all over it. Work his cock over you while he bites down hard on one of your nipples. You shiver at the thought.

You hear a knock on the door.

"Can I come in?"

Shit! If you say yes he's going to think you're coming on, waaay to strong!

Ugh! You were hoping he would just walk in and find you toying with yourself!

Damn it! Dave is too polite! 

"Uh... I'm getting dressed!" You call out to the door, still pumping yourself to the thought of him.

"Cool. I just made us some noodles." Dave tells you. "I'll let you know when I'm done."

"Okay!" You bite down on your lips as he walks away, frantically pulling on yourself. You have to get rid of this erection immediately.

You start using both hands. Arching your back, digging the back of your head into your pillow. You start desperately panting.

You try hard to keep yourself from moaning, but the feeling bubbling inside of you...

Dave just made you dinner. He might be talking to Babe but he's living with you.

You buck your hips.

Dave's dedicated to treating you well.

You keep working yourself with both hands.

Dave makes you food, he takes care of you when you're sick, he drives you around.

You bite down onto your lips to hold in your moans.

Dave does so much for you.

You start working yourself faster.

Dave can have anything from you he asks for.

You start panting desperately. 

Dave can have your body.

He just has to ask. All he has to do is ask. You desperately need him to ask!

"da-dave..."

You try your best to whisper, but you're gasping for air.

The pleasure, the pressure. It's all too much.

You curl into yourself. You're silently gasping. You suddenly grunt.

Your load pours onto your shirt.

You keep panting for several moments after.

Dave knocks on your door as you try to catch your breath.

"It's done."

"Okay." You close your lips and swallow down some spit. "I'll be out in a second."

"Just don't take too long." Dave tells you, "come and get it while it's hot."

You pant with your head resting on your pillow, sweat on your thighs and your face.

Fuck. When he talks like that... it makes you so fucking hot. 


	28. Plan After Plan

You were eating dinner right next to Dave as his prankster roommate, and also his not-quite-yet boyfriend. Dave’s _‘real boyfriend’_ has been silent for a while, even after Dave's been messaging him non fucking stop while the two of you slurp noodles on your countertop.

You stopped messaging him a while ago but Dave won't stop hitting you up. You can see him text babe while he's eating right next to you!

You try your best to ignore him, you count your blessings that you silenced your notifications and just focus on slurping up noodles.

You turn towards Dave and ask him, "how's your music coming along?"

"Same old." Dave shrugged. "Same old..."

Dave just sent another message to Babe.

You narrow your eyes.

_'What is so important he can't talk to you?'_

You pick up your phone and look at your messages.

* * *

i was thinking

if we went out on a date together

would you want it to be at some really fuckin formal restaurant?

or do you want to go to the movies?

i mean for a first date

not saying we have to do anything

i just want to picture it

the two of us

actually going on a date

id get up and push your chair in for you

youd point out how red my face it

* * *

You roll your eyes.

You don't want to read the other 40+ messages he just spammed you with.

You don't see the point. You're already pissed.

Dave is fucking head over heels for a _skank. _

Babe might as well just spam pictures of you naked instead of fucking talking to his boyfriend.

That's all Dave is here for anyway... right?

He did just send out those romantic messages... 

Well! He's just making himself seem irresistibly cute so he can seduce Babe.

Dave just wants to seem romantic to get Babe hot again, get Babe to send another pic as a reward. You narrow your eyes, _'and it's working.'_

Well, what if you made it a punishment. 

What if Babe gave him what he wanted, but Dave had to refuse it. 

Dave gets what he's fishing for but he's eating dinner with his best friend!

He would have to stay and eat with you and actively have to ignore messages from Babe.

As a punishment for him being so annoying and persistent…

He needs to learn a lesson in patience. 

You randomly send him the photo you took of you touching yourself.

_'This'll teach 'em.' _

Dave noticed that his boyfriend just messaged him.

He keeps sucking on the noodles.

He unlocked the screen on his phone.

Dave chokes on his noodles.

You perked up and hummed as you listen to Dave cough.

You were curious so you looked over at Dave’s phone.

Dave shelters the screen from your view and pulls it away.

Dave is still choking and coughing as he talks “- I have… -I have to go do something important.”

“What?!" You narrow your eyes and chew him out, "Dave! You finally cook me something and you want to go jack off to... what did he send you?!"

“John." Dave's breath is shaking. "This is really important.”

“Yeah." You say the words as flat and as dry as you possibly can. "I don’t believe you.”

“It’s important to me.” Dave tries to reason with you.

You narrow your eyes. “If you go jack off then I’m eating you noodles.”

“Deal.” Dave sits up and takes off.

“That’s a threat! Not a deal!” You yell to him as he runs off. 

It's too late, he's already in his room. 

_"UGH!"_

Dave starts spamming you 'thank you's on your phone and trying to call you so he can show you how he's going to get off.

You decide to not message him back.

He totally ditched you for… you.

But the worst version of _you!_

Dave can go fuck himself!

He bailed on you so he can literally go fuck himself!

You wanted him to stay!

You wanted him to ignore Babe!

You wanted him to nervously wait for dinner to be over and stop spamming you!

You thought that Dave would just clam up and that his brain would stop working like it always does!

He always just starts messaging you _"ha haha..."_ like he's braindead!

Why is this time different!?

Ugh! None of your plans are working right! None of your plans ever work out right!

Oh great.... You can already hear Dave moaning.


	29. You Are Hurting Yourself Even More

Just the other day you were making Dave laugh. Making sandwiches in your kitchen. Holding up the mustard bottle and showing Dave that the hole looked like a butthole when you squeezed it. Dave leaned right into your trap, you squirted yellow sauce all over his shades. 

Now you're sitting alone, with one empty bowl and now you're working on eating Dave's while Dave is working on himself.

Listening to Dave pleasure himself to a photo of you.

He's pleasuring himself to a photo of you, and you can't even enjoy it!

You look at a batch of messages Dave sent you.

* * *

thank you

god i fuckin love this

you are so fuckin good to me

how about i call you?

i want to show you how much i can moan for you

my fucking cock is so sore

want a photo?

babe

ill do anything you want! 

my roommate is outside my room

but

i cant even be embarrassed

hed get it if he knew just how hot you were

* * *

You narrow your eyes at the screen.

_'HOW HOT HE IS!?' _

You shut off your phone.

You grab Dave's udon bowl and you just eat outside on the porch.

Fuck it.

Dave is being so fucking difficult! 

He just wants Babe apparently!

He only cares about sex apparently!

Dave's not a romantic at all! **Apparently!**

Dave's only after getting a peice.

Well he can have fun with that!

That's all he's getting from Babe.

You sit on the porch, glaring at the lake outside your apartment complex.

You just sit and slurp on noodles.

You continue waiting outside for Dave to finish.

You finished eating Dave's noodles, the rest of the broth is cold.

You would dump it in the sink inside but... you don't want to go back in there.

It seems like Dave is done and he's walking around in the kitchen, probably looking to apologize to you for being loud. 

You don't care. You don't want to talk to him.

You pull up both of your legs, you hug yourself while you look outside at the lake.

Looks like Dave is sitting down on the couch inside.

You try to ignore him but...

You sigh. You don't want to talk to him... but you do want to... maybe message him.

You don't think it's a good idea to message him as yourself while you're a few feet away from him...

You can still talk to him as someone else...

* * *

dave.

sorry i couldn’t message you.

but i thought you needed a little treat.

babe

that was so good

i really really enjoyed that

yeah.

if the 50 fucking messages weren’t enough of a tell for how much you loved it.

you have to tell me again 50 MORE fucking times.

sorry if im spamming you

but i needed you to know how good you are to me

dave.

sorry

you should know that doesn't work on me.

hearing how amazing my body is.

or how hot i am.

or how thick my cock is.

doesn't work.

i'm not interested in hearing that. 

i could get ANY guy to say that to me.

i thought you would at least be somewhat more interesting.

but no...

that shit doesn't work on me.

babe

im sorry

i just got a bit

over excited

sure

do you want to talk?

why would i?

you left me plenty of messages to read.

i'm set.

im really sorry if i annoyed you

sure you are.

i'm just going to go to bed, dave.

goodnight.

k

night babe

* * *

You lock your phone's screen and huff out of your nose.

You groan. You took it too far.

Ugh... you shouldn't have blown up on him like that...!

You're just so frustrated!

You just need to cool down. You breath deeply as you watch the view from outside your porch. You were lucky enough to live near such a blizzful sigh. The lake is peaceful enough for you to just zone out and focus on next to nothing but the waves.

When you finally decide to walk back inside, you noticed that Dave is still sitting on the couch and munching on a bowl of veggie chips, 

"Startled me for a sec!" You confessed

You pointed at his bowl, "looks like you're eating popery!" You laugh.

Dave nods, he keeps stuffing down the hard strips of veggies into his mouth.

“Worked on something _important_ in your room?” You chuckled. 

Dave didn't say anything to that.

“When you said work on something i didn’t think something was the name of your dick man.”

“Fuck.” Dave buried his face in his hands. "Listen... I'm sorry... I really thought he was going to... you know what nevermind."

"Hmm? You upset about something?" You tilt your head.

Dave is slow to say, "my boyfriend... just blew up on me..."

"He did?" You ask, trying hard to cover that you already know that... along with your growing guilt.

"Yeah... he seems like he... still is just playing with me." Dave sighs out of his nose.

"You think so?" You softly sit down besides him on the couch.

"Yeah! I mean... it's just that... everytime that he talks to me it's only about sex and everytime I think we are going to actually do something he just ignores me..." Dave sounds like he's a bit stressed from all this. "Half the time, I just want to talk to him like my boyfriend, and not my... sexy pen pal."

"Did you tell him that you felt that way?" You ask his, already knowing the answer.

"No... he said he was going to go... and he hardly even talks to me anymore..." Dave shook his head lightly.

You rest your hand on top of his, gently rubbing it and consoling him.

"He only talks about sex... and he teases me... I thought I loved it but... it's starting to... hurt me..." 

Your lips part open. 

"I just feel so confused." Dave sounds like he's honestly struggling with this.

"Maybe... he's confused too..." You shrug and uncomfortably glance away.

"He just seems frustrated to me -with me- maybe I should just cool it on all the complements and just talk to him... instead of freaking out on him and how much I like him."

"Did you spam him messages?" You lightly raise your voice at him, like you're kidding around. "I thought I told you not to do that!"

"You did!" Dave responded to your tone, he lightly chuckled before he simmered back down into sadness. "I should listen to you... I guess I should always listen to you."

You pull him close. Dragging him into a hug.

_You don't want him to hurt like this._

You gently rock him back-and-forth.

_You didn't mean to freak shit on him._

You softly rub circles into his back.

_You need to apologize to him as Babe._

Dave deserves to be treated well... you shouldn't try to mess with him...

Even though you're hurting too...

it isn't fair.

None of this is fair to him...

You both are hurting...

You're hurting Dave just like you're hurting yourself...

You hug Dave tighter, feeling guilt well up in your chest.

"Oh, man don't press up to hard against my side here, still hurts." Dave tells you to loosen your grip.

"Huh?" You let go of him completely.

"I might have went a little nuts and hit myself with a... crop." Dave laughs lightly as he shrugs.

"What?" You look at him like he's insane, but that you're also impressed.

"My boyfriend's into some sicko shit apparently."

You narrow your eyes at Dave's words. He doesn't know he's talking about _you._

Dave keeps on going, "I'm just trying to get into it too and-"

"You know what-" You pat the back of Dave's hand, "how about I just don't hug you?"

"Okay..." Dave nods. "and you might want to wash your hands now."

You make a face. "Please, don't tell me why." 

Your heart can't take that shit right now.


	30. Keep it in...

You went to bed and left Dave alone on the couch.  
Dave must have felt the need to message Babe again.

* * *

hey babe

i wanted to talk to you about something

yes, dave?

i was just thinking

maybe we could just

talk about normal stuff

and not just sex stuff

okay... i guess.

why are you asking though?

cause i blew up on you?

i know that was really immature of me.

and i'm sorry.

no

im sorry i spammed you

you can send me anything you like

i wont freak out like i did earlier

ill just wait and see what you have to say

well i wasn't going to... message you anything.

i've just been feeling... under the weather lately.

yeah

me too actually

but you can talk to me about anything

you know that

right babe?

* * *

You look down at your phone.  
You're sitting on your bed.  
The only light in the room is coming from the white of your phone.  
Dave's text is blisstering red.  
It almost hurts your eyes to look at it.  
He starts messaging you again.

* * *

lately

ive been feeling a bit mixed up

like i dont know what im doing

with my life

or with my music

i feel kind of stuck

i only ever get out if im with my roommate

i guess thats why i want to date you so badly

get out and start

actually dating you

but you still havent even shown me a picture of your face

god

im spamming you again

arent i?

no...

im reading your messages.

i guess its just hard to respond.

because i feel so similar to you.

like a lowlife loser?

* * *

You narrow your eyes at the screen.

* * *

hey!

you are not a low life.

or a loser.

and don't just tell me it's because i've never met you!

you are such a funny guy, dave!

i've never known a guy like you...

sometimes i feel like... you're too good for me.

now that's definitely not true

no dave i...

i feel like you'd be better off if you were with someone who could really treat you right.

someone like you?

dave...

we've never met in person before.

then lets fix that

i don't know.

what if i'm not what you're expecting?

what if you only think i'm funny because you think i'm sexy?

what if you think my voice is annoying or that i smell like an old lunch box?

what?

people used to say that to me in elementary school...

whatever.

doesn't matter.

i'm not that insecure about those things anymore but...

you make me feel insecure about myself.

babe

you just broke my heart

i don't know.

i'm sorry i tease you so much...

i just like having your eyes on me...

it makes me feel...

worth something when you look at me.

damn it.

look who's spamming who now?!

ha.

i think it's best if i just go back to sleep now.

damn it

i woke you up didn't i?

it's okay...

lately, it's been hard to sleep.

i have the same problem

we're really two of a kind, huh?

i feel that way about you too

* * *

You grip your phone.  
You want to throw it at the wall.  
You take a deep breath.  
You just lay it down on your nightstand.

You need to just let it go...

Dave's happiness matters more than yours.

Dave's happiness matters more than anything.


	31. What Matters More Than Anything...

You slowly wake up in the morning.

Opening your eyes.

Resting and thinking about what you are going to do...

You care for him so much...

So much that you would give him everything that he wants.

Even if that means giving up something yourself.

You can pretend to be Babe as long as Dave likes.

You can just be John... his best friend... his prankster roommate...

Someday it will probably bite you in the ass...

When that day comes...

Dave can be pissed with you for killing his dream guy.

But for now... you can give him everything he wants... 

* * *

well...

i fucked a lot of guys before i meet you.

tell me about it

why don't i just tell you about my greatest hits?

fuck go right on ahead

aaannndd if your dick just happens to be in your hand...

i can look the other way.

score

ooooh noooo...

what is this doing here?

what?

ohhh nothing...

mmhh...

i remember the last time a guy held me down by the throat and drove into me.

go on

* * *

You can proudly be everything that he needs you to be...

You're happy to do it.

Because... Dave's happiness is all that matters.


	32. Anything For You

It's only been a day since you stopped trying to get Dave to like the real you.

If Dave is so captivated by Babe... he can have him... in any way that he wants.

You wake up in the morning and grab your phone.

You can live through Babe... you can pretend that Dave cares about _you..._

You can work with this.

You open your messenger, you softly smile at the screen.

* * *

hi baby!

hi

did you sleep well last night?

i did!

* * *

You lie.

* * *

me too

fucked myself so hard last night after you messaged me

fell asleep right after i came

hehehe!

how hard did you fuck yourself?!

i can send you a pic

ohhhhhh!?

you fishing for something out of me?

well babe

you did already send me a great pic

ill give you something of my own to make up for it

* * *

You don't know if your heart can take what he just sent you.  
It's a pic of him riding some kind of sex machine.  
There's a vibator on it and it's completely inside of him.  
He's holding the camera up to a mirror.  
You can see all of the stress on his face.  
The thing inside of him must be huge.  
You feel all the blood in your brain rush down to your...  
You're already fully erect.  
You... you really can live through Babe... in every way.

* * *

that pic is from last night

thats what i do to myself after you message me

started hitting myself with a crop too recently

i know you like when it hurts

awww.

you're trying to be a cute little whore like me?!

it takes lots of practice!

think you can keep up?

i can do anything you ask of me

ohhh?

ha.

i know i get your hopes up a lot...

but believe it or not...

when it comes to you,

i'm actually pretty shy.

thats... part of why i'm so stand offish...

ha

ha ha

well

you dont need to feel shy about anything

youre out of my league

What?!

you're an incredible guy, dave!

best guy ive ever been with!

no guys ever written a song for me before!

i have a whole album in the works actually

is it named after me?!

yeah

* * *

You scrunch up your nose. 

* * *

you're just calling it babe?

now that's weird!

name it something better!

anything you want

how about pleasant dreams?

* * *

_ **'How about skanky whore?' **_You grit your teeth.

* * *

i love that!

what gave you that idea?

you said that to me once

i did...?

* * *

You sigh. You_ are_ Babe. You need to get over being so jealous..._ 'But it's so haaaard!!'_

* * *

you did

wow, dave!

you've got a good memory for a guy that only thinks about my body!

back on topic already

how about i call you?

* * *

_'Oh crap. Can't have that.'_

* * *

hmm?

i want to do things nice and slow, so no to the call.

baby

i can do you nice and slow

dave, you are so silly!

i already told you!

that's boring to me!

what would you like babe?

just tell me naughty things till i get off!

that i can do

i'm still sorry about this though...

for what?

you're still a virgin!

;P

aint no shame in that

also...

i'm sorry that... i was such a tease.

dont be

i like that youre hard to get

i love torturing myself emotionally like you love torturing yourself physically

just tell me how you want me to touch myself and ill do it for you

* * *

Well... if you're going to have to chat as babe you might as well enjoy it...

* * *

don't care about that.

you direct me instead!

rest your phone down for a bit and pinch your nipples for me

* * *

You aren't going to turn away from this opportunity to have Dave order you around!  
You can pretend to be a whore if it makes him happy!  
You rested your phone on your thigh, your knees where bend up and worked as a stand.  
You lifted up your hips a tiny amount.  
You felt your thighs tighten a bit when he started messaging you again.

* * *

are you pinching yourself for me?

youre just a needy slut arent you?

make sure it hurts baby

* * *

You bite down on your lips.  
You are pinching yourself as tightly as you can.  
You were hoping that it would feel more painful...  
Still you like obeying Dave's commands.

* * *

like it?

does it hurt?

i know it doesnt hurt enough for you

you poor thing

you like it rough?

then make it rough

slap your ass for me

* * *

You think twice about doing it. But it's a command from Dave, so you have too.   
You turn your entire body over towards the fan that's buzzing right besides your bed, hoping the fan would mask the sound.  
You bring you hand up slowly and then quickly smack it down against your own backside.  
You feel your phone vibrate against your stomach.  
Dave just messaged you.

* * *

grab some lube

start fingering yourself for me

* * *

But you've never done anything like that!  
You can't tell him that... maybe you can fake it and just tell him that you did...  
No.  
You want the full experience.  
You take out the bottle you bought for yourself out from under the nightstand.  
You drench your fingers.  
You press your fingers against your entrance.  
You feel a bit nervous, but if Dave does it all the time then how bad can it be?  
You slowly start pushing one finger into your hole and... oh...   
"fuck... _it's..._ it's tight."  
You try to steady your breathing, you try your best to relax.  
The fact that Dave is on the other side of this chat makes you even more tense.  
You press your finger in all the way in.  
You take a moment to get used to the feeling.  
_"Dave..."_  
You pick up your phone and message Dave with your other hand.

* * *

i'm doing it.

i'm just, you know...

really tight right now.

fuck

how many fingers are inside of you?

* * *

You press a second finger in, you gasp at the feeling.

* * *

two

keep working yourself

use both hands

just put your phone down and jerk yourself while you read my messages

* * *

Oh fuck it! Just let loose!

* * *

i'll do it if you ask nicely, daddy.

fuck

please fuck yourself for me babe

okay!

fuck me

babe

i can't stop thinking about your body

* * *

You keep working your cock while fingering yourself, reading all of Dave's messages.

* * *

if i could taste you

id run my tongue on every inch of your cock

i have a tongue piercing too

picture how good it would feel against your cock

while i run my tongue over every fucking inch of your thick length

think about how hot it would be if id start nibbling on your thighs

while i play with your cock like its a stress ball

id grab onto your thighs and force your legs up

id have to ease my cock into your hole

no matter how experienced you say you are

your hole would be fucking ruined by my length

you know how fucking big i am?

it would fucking stretch you out so much

youd fuckin scream

youd want to wrap your legs around me 

but id pinning your thighs up against your chest

making you take my whole cock

while you scream for me to pound you harder

id fuck you like youre my bitch

but we both know whos in control here

you know im actually fuckin braindead

i just think about your stomach dripping with your own cum

every

fucking

day

how i got you to fuck yourself 

how im making you fuck yourself right now

keep doing it

add another finger for me

i bet you wish those fucking fingers were mine

shit

they could be

picture that

picture me working you

fuck 

i want to work you so bad

i want to fuck you rough and hard like you need 

youd fucking live for my cock once you got a taste of how good it could be to you

imagine me fucking you

picture me forcing your thighs apart on your bed

think of me lifting them up

pressing your knees against your sore nipples that i just bit to turn you on

im making you take my cock hard 

like you fucking need it

you want it hard?

you fucking want me to make you scream?

you want me to make you cum?

well i fucking need you to cum

i need your cum

id fucking slap you across the face

grunt at you that youre a needy slut

id kiss you

press my piercing against your tongue

make you taste your own cock that i just sucked an hour ago

* * *

"Oh! Oh! fuck!"

* * *

yeah

id fucking make you take my cock for an hour straight

how about while i kiss you i take my hands

wrap one around your cock

and the other around your throat

id pump your cock so fucking fast

youd cum for me instantly

just like you should right now

cum for me

come on

fucking finish

are you a filfthy cockslut that doesnt listen?

be a good boy

finish for me 

cum right now

fucking finish

* * *

You work yourself while you work your fingers into your hole.  
You force yourself to cum for Dave, just like he's commanding you to do!  
"Dave!"

* * *

fuck

i should slap you for making me ask you more than once

you cock sucking bitch

daaaaave!

i just came!

stop being mean to me!!!

you ride your orgasm?

yes

fuckin sweet

you finished?

not yet 

help me out here

how, daddy?

tease me like i just teased you

Okay!

i'd make you go down on me.

and i don't mean go down like suck my cock.

i mean i'd make you kiss my stomach. 

i'd make you kiss it all over for making me cum all over myself again!

you know what...?

i'd rather make you watch me fuck myself!

i'm not going to give anything up!

you know i'm a little cock tease!

isn't that so hard for you?

i know it's hard.

it's hard...

just like how you're hard.

hard just like how you wish you could ride me.

you wish you could ram your cock into my hole!

make me scream like i'm your bitch!

i don't need your fucking cock to scream.

i'd fucking punish myself and make you watch, while you wait in the corner.

you'd fucking work yourself, just imagining pounding into me!

just like you're doing right now you fucking pervert!

all you ever think about is my fucking stomach?

how i came all over it?

imagine seeing how i got that way.

i just worked my fingers in my hole for you.

i just moaned out your name.

i just came all over myself.

i bet you wish that you could have seen it.

i wish i could have made you watch.

you'd fucking sit on the floor and watch me pound my fingers into myself.

watch me struggle to finish myself off.

panting and stroking my cock, 

forcing my hips up...

buckling up my body like i'm actually fucking myself!

you'd get fed up with waiting!

you'd get so fucking horny you'd pin me down and force me to spread my thighs open!

you'd pull my legs apart and make me take your whole fucking cock!

fuck. just like i fucking want!

i want to fucking break you!

i want you to fucking want me so bad that you HAVE to take me!

you'd grab my hair and bang my fucking head against my wall!

no! you'd force me down onto the floor and off of my bed!

you'd flip me over onto my stomach and force my face into the floor!

you'd break my glasses!

but you wouldn't fucking stop for anything!

no you want to fuck me and you're going to fuck me!

fuck!

you'd piss on my back.

you'd fucking LOVE pissing on my back!

i want you to treat me like i'm your bitch!

because i'm your fucking bitch!

i'm fucking yours!

make me fucking yours!

dave!

i fucking want you so fucking bad!

i want that cock inside me!

ramming into my hole!

i want to be screaming for you to fucking finish!

fuck me till my face is red and dripping with tears and then fuck me harder!

fucking rip me apart dave!

grab my wrists and pull them back!

fuck me like i'm one of your fucking sex toys!

fuck fuck fuck!

FUCK!!!

i fucking want that so bad!

i bet your cock would hurt me!

i want it to hurt!

i fucking want you to lose control and fucking pound into me!

babe

im finished

i'm not!

fuck! 

can we go again!?

baby

i can do this all night

ahhhhh!!!

you're the best, dave!

now tell me that i'm a whore and punish me for being a cock tease!

uhhhhhh

punish me for being a fucking cock tease!!!

okay

im just wondering if we should have like a safe word

or something

you're going to make me wait on you to man up and punish me?

is that the fucking punishment?

you boring me to death again?

fuck

its going to be a long night

you bet your fucking ass it is!

now make me cum hard!


	33. Even if it kills me

You've been messaging Dave, poking around and having all sorts of fun with him over the past few days.

Once you got a taste for blood, you needed more.

You've been messaging Dave in the middle of the day and late at night, sending him nudes of you in public restrooms and lately... you've been taking photos of yourself in a changing room too!

* * *

hey! sweetie! i want to watch you jack off!

i dont know

my roommate might be up

you don't have to be loud!

come onnnn.

have a little fun with meee!

my roommate might be up

and i am usually loud so...

oh! ehhh hehehe!

you fucking yourself hard?

like me?!

oh dave you are so cute!

how about we make a deal?!

oh dear god

ill send you some more naughty pictures i took just for you!

i have one where i'm in a dressing rooooom...

and i'm holding my thighs up so you can see my ass!

* * *

You were about to type in more but Dave just started a call with you.

You pinch your front camera with your thumb and then accept the call.

You mute it and then turn off the camera.

You don't want him seeing you.

Dave's sitting down at his desk in his computer chair, he must be using the messenger on his desktop. 

Dave shows you his handsome face and takes off his shade so you can see his eyes.

You smile, blushing and giggling at how he's eyeing the camera.

Your heart bubbles up when he winks at you.

"Hey." Dave lightly flips his hair. 

He looks a bit like a fool when his bangs don't even move an inch. 

Still, you giggle at the scene. Dave's doing this just for you! How could you not get excited?!

"Wanna see me cum hard?" 

You giggle and kick your feet on your bed.

You try your best not to squeal, you end up squeaking instead. 

You hold your phone up to your face, happily watching Dave strip off his clothes for you. 

He takes off his shirt and tosses it to the ground in front of him. 

You excitedly watch each gesture. He's giving you a little strip tease!

So_ this_ is what Dave wanted to be in shape for! He's irresistible with those pecs and abs!

You can't stop smiling and your entire body is shaking.

Dave is pulling down his pajama pants, slowly working them off along with his boxers.

You silently cheer for him to take it off as you giggle.

Dave steps out of his pants as he smiles at the camera, suddenly he trips.

You laugh as he tries to catch his footing. He stumbles forward and grits his teeth.

Embarrassed that he slipped up in front of _you._

You love everything that Dave is doing, he probably thinks he fucked up completely... 

He has no idea that the quickest way to your heart is through comedy, if Dave makes you laugh during something like this, then he's enticing you in every way possible! 

Still... he's doing this for Babe, oh like you care! This is for you right now!

Dave steps forward to his desk chair again. 

He sits down, he's completely naked.

He grabs something on his desk and pushes his chair back.

He shows you his bottle of lube by holding it up to the camera and wiggling it.

He puts both of his feet up on his chair, he spreads out his thighs and you can see everything! His erection, his hole. All of it!

You smile a bright happy grin, Dave is so revealed to you and only you!

Your face is getting exhausted from how much you're smiling right now. 

You watch Dave as he slides three of his fingers into his hole.

You blush, _'Dave can take so much** just** to prep himself!?'_

You watch as Dave slowly fingers himself, he's already turning red and panting.

You think it's the fact he's putting on a show for you, it must be making him even hotter than normal.

You start blushing hard too,_ 'he's so cute!'_

You heard Dave gasp. You feel desire surge through your cock. 

You fumble to get out your own bottle of lube and work it onto yourself.

You start pulling on your own cock as you keep your focus on your phone, watching Dave work his fingers into himself as he silently moans. 

Your eyes are fixed on his hands, one is inside of his hole and the other is feeling up his thigh. He must be picturing you feeling him up...

_Shit... _You're already leaking.

You are transfixed on Dave's naked body but out of nowhere he decides to get up and walk off camera. 

He quickly comes back on screen and shows you a black sex toy for a quarter of a second before he sits back down and places his feet up on the chair again. This time he forces his knees together and sticks his ass out from the side. You can see him work the toy into himself.

He quietly tells you, "it goes off randomly... but it hits me hard right where I need it."

Dave whispers to the camera, "I'm going to pretend it's you."

You giggle and start kicking your feet up again. _'This is like a dream come true!!!'_

He finished sticking it inside of himself and turns the toy on. Now he's just waiting for it to go off.

He spreads his thighs out again and shows you his erection, before he even wraps his hands around his length- Dave is already gasping.

He let out a grunt, _'it must have gotten him good.'_

You keep working yourself, trying hard not to cum too early. You want to enjoy this.

Dave slaps his palm over his mouth.

He bucked his hips up.

It must have just went off again.

His thighs are up in the air, he looks so horny at the thought of you fucking him too. His cock is leaking and his face is starting to drip with sweat. 

Dave arches his back, he looks like he can't settle in his chair.

He's still holding his hand over his mouth, attempting not to moan.

Dave bucks up his hips again. Dave slams his hand down -and off of his mouth- so it's gripping around his chair's armrest. Dave cries out a whimper of a moan, trying to remain silent but he looks like he wants to scream.

_'_ _Fuck.'_

You **want** him to scream.

You notice that you're only working your cock with one hand, the way he's getting off looks like so much more fun.

Dave keeps pumping up his hips everytime it hits him where he loves it. 

Dave is struggling to stay up in his seat. 

He moves up his leg but he's still slipping. 

Dave is shivering, he's stuttering out a desperate moan.

His on the verge of cumming, he starts pulling at his cock, desperately trying to finish himself off. He accidentally lets slip a loud moan, "**Ah-** I'm- I'm cumming!"

You start pulling yourself faster.

Dave's pulling himself too, Dave's shivering so much, he's shaking.

Dave curls up on himself and then arches out his back.

Dave released half of his load on his bare chest, the other half he is still pumping out.

You start furiously working your own cock.

Dave is working himself hard still too.

You're amazed that he is still going, milking himself dry and bucking his hips again as the toy hits him hard right where he loves it.

He's gritting his teeth and then he lets out a gasp.

You focus on how his hips just buckled up and he's keeping it suspended in air as he pumps himself, Dave's thighs are so fucking hot. 

You desperately want to feel them, you've got to let him know how much you want his body after this.

Fuck. He wants yours too.

He fucking needs to see your body so much, he'd do anything to his.

You gasp, you let out a high pitched moan. You pump yourself hard and fast. Cumming instantly in your own hand. You keep working yourself, just like Dave did. Milking yourself dry and buckling your hips up off the bed at the pleasure.

You stay in mid air for a few moments, steedly working yourself until you are completely used up. 

You slowly move your hips back down to the mattress. 

You start panting, you're sure that Dave's doing the same right now.

You pick back up your phone and look at the screen, 

Dave looks completely fucked out. Like you just ran him ragged.

You laugh as you try to catch your breath.

Dave looks like he needs someone to help him come to again...

You want to hold him again, kiss him and thank him for his hard work...

The best you can do is hang up and message him.

But before you do, you take a screenshot. You need to hold on to this memory forever!

* * *

oh wow!

you did all that for me!

i'm so touched!

i'll send you lots and lots of photos of me looking all nice for you!

holy shit

i just came so fucking hard i cant see straight

can you still read?

yeah

good!

i thought you were so sexy!

i just wanted to grab your thighs and feel them up

did you picture me feeling you up?

i pictured you doing all of THAT to me

thats why i came so early

hmmm...

you think you can go all night?

fuck

i can do anything for you baby

even if it kills me

let's not be so dramatic!

but i really do want to see you go for hours sometime soon!

and you knooooowww....

if you show me you going for hours...

even if it's just a recording and not a live feed...

i'll piss on myself in the shower and show it to you

god

DAMN

;O it's a promise!

fuck

ME

i know!

i'm just so good to you!

FUCK

you are destroying me in like every single way you can

i hope not!

i haven't had my fun with you yet tonight...

i was hoping that you could cool down before i show you my picture!

i look really cute in it!

still not seeing my face though!

you won't get that lucky!

damn

i cant wait till you show me

i know. i know.

but i'm just too cute for your mind to handle!

i don't want to kill you!

shocking you with my looks! my charm!

your mind will just snap!

if you see my face...

fuck

my whole body is still shaking like you just used my ass up

i'm so twisted up over you baby

if i see your face in one of your nudes

i might actually die


	34. Together like before

You were tired out. You've been furiously jacking off for over an hour after watching a length video that Dave made for _Babe_ while you, his roomie, were out at work. You have to keep your end of the deal later. What did you say you'd do? Piss on yourself in the shower? You should wait for Dave to go out on another jog for that just in case, you don't want him hearing you mess around in the shower when the water is off.

You step outside for a glass of water. You stretch out your arms as you yawn. 

As you walk outside you hear Dave quitely mutter to himself, "and just like that 'm on a roll."

Dave is pouring a milk into a cereal bowl as he keeps quietly rapping to himself, "reese's puffs. reese's puffs." 

He puts the milk back in the fridge, "peanut butter chocolate flavooor."

Dave grabs the bowl and mutters to himself as he turns to face you, "in the a.m. it's the flavor i saveeerrr-" He just noticed you standing behind him.

"Uh... I thought you were in bed." He tells you.

"What are you doing?" You point at what's in his hands

"I'm just having a bowl..." He scratches his face, bumping the spoon in his bowl, "...of milk."

"Are you cheating on your diet, with something that might kill me?" Your voice sounded much more high pitched than you would have hoped. 

"No and even if I was it's wednesday." Dave shrugs.

"It's about ten minutes till wednesday." You tell him.

"Well it's a good thing that i'm not cheating on my diet then." Dave tells you.

"Dave." You narrow your eyes at him. "I don't cheat on _my_ diet."

"I was making... a remix of those old commercials. I saw uh... 'i love the new millennium' on youtube and uh... got a little nuts. I know you like 'I love the 80's' better, you don't have to tell me th-"

"Listen." You stop him from talking by pointing at him. 

"I won't tell anyone..." you put a finger up to your lip, "_if_ you let me pick the place we eat out tomorrow."

Dave smiles. He snorts out a chuckle. "Okay."

* * *

You take Dave out to a bar, you invited him to go just for the wings.

You know he can't drink, but shit you really want bar food and a good hard drink. 

When you are seated at the table, you order a long island iced tea.

When your server walks away, you tell Dave, "I'm only planning on having one drink, kay?" 

"I'll pay for it." Dave offers, "still gotta make up for all the cooking you've been doing for me."

"No, no." You wave his offer off. "I'm buying my own drink."

You point out, "it's not fair if I drink and you don't." 

"I'm buying us both a basket of wings to share then." Dave's being stubborn.

"Jesus, you're difficult." You lean back in your seat and sigh. 

You chat with Dave for a couple of minutes, laughing at the dumb jokes he tells you. It wasn't till you laughed at something that was hardly funny you remembered why that was a habit of yours... You actually like _this _better. You don't have to be some brain-numb ditz with Dave. You can just be his chill, fun roommate who gets his dumb jokes and awful references. You smile at him, you like just being his best friend. You can... you can live with this. 

Eventually the food comes out. You're more than excited to see the hot wings and your drink come out, Dave ordered some jalapeño poppers and nachos too. You rub your hands together and thank your server.

You jump to eat some of the wings. Once you take a bite, you have to press your lids close to stop your eyes from watering. You should have stopped Dave when he ordered the spiciest wings they had. You power through and finish two before you gulp down some bread sticks to cool down your palette. 

You sigh and huff out a breath, "woooo! I'm gonna be pooping all night!" 

Dave starts hysterically laughing. You join him in his laughter. 

You simmer down and eat as much as you can of the non-spicy shit before Dave can get to it. You stuff your face with nacho cheese and avoid the slices of jalapeños resting on top of the chips.

Once you had your fill, you notice that most of the shit's already gone. Dave picked up the pace once you did so he could keep up. The two of you really pigged out just now. 

You take a sip of your drink. You've never ordered a long island iced tea before actually. You hum, you're pleasantly surprised. You nod as you swallow down your sip.

You open your mouth to tell Dave, "this is really good."

"Let me have a sip." Dave tells you. 

"No." You pick up your drink and pull it away from him.

"It's just a sip." Dave brushes your refusal off. "Nothing major."

"A sip turns into 'let me order one myself' and that turns into 'let me get another' and-"

Dave cuts you off, "okay. okay. I get it."

"You're on the waggon, Dave. Stay on it." 

"Yeah... you're right." Dave sighs. "If I fall off... you'd have to take care of it... again."

"What? Why not go back to a.a.?" You ask him as you continue sipping your drink. 

"They won't let me back in, since the group caught me and Rose with her flask in the hall..." Dave takes a sip of his soda. "Plus we were poking fun of some of the dudes in there and they overheard us."

You try to keep a straight face but you snicker, "you jerk."

You keep trying not to laugh but Dave starts laughing, making it harder for you to abstain from chuckling. 

"It's not funny." You blow a raspberry trying to keep your laughter in.

"Then why are you laughing?" Dave points at you.

"It's serious, Dave!" You tell him.

"Then stop laughing!" Dave keeps pointing at you as he chuckles himself. 

"I can't!" You start cracking up, "when-" -you snort- "when you laugh it always ma-makes me laugh!"

"This is what I wanted!" Dave slaps your shoulder playfully. "I want something like this with my boyfriend."

"What?" You laugh and shake your head.

"I- Just... I just meant that I have so much fun when I'm out with you." Dave corrects himself.

"Yeah?" You ask him, hiding behind your drink. 

Dave stares at the wall besides the two of you, Dave casually says, 

"It's like... the most fun I have in my life." Dave shakes off the thought.

You stare at the side of his face. 

He couldn't bring himself to look at you when he said that...

You continue sipping your drink, using it as an excuse for why you aren't talking. 

You look away from him as he stands up from his seat.

"I have to take a leak." Dave tells you.

"Yeah." You scratch the back of your neck.

You sigh. You swallow down the rest of your drink. 

_You knew that he's happy when he's with you..._

When your server comes by the check you pay for the entire meal in cash.

_You knew that he'd be happier... with you..._

You walk up to the bathroom and wait for Dave to come out.

_Yow knew that 'Babe' can't give Dave everything..._

Once Dave steps out, you start smiling and joking around with him again. "Did you have fun in there? I know you have a _**thing.**"_

Dave scoffs at you as he walks with you out, "you paid for the meal?" Dave asks you.

"Yeah." You pay him a light smile.

"Dude, I was going to." Dave playfully shoves your side.

"You hardly ate." You joke. "I scarfed that shit down too fast for you to grab any of it! How's it fair if you pay?"

Dave shakes his head and sighs, admitting defeat... 

When you get into the car you lay down like you're about to take a nap. You tell Dave that the food isn't sitting right in your stomach. 

You stare at the window, and focus on the street.

You watched as the dotted lines on the road next to the car sped past.

It's dark out and there are a few cars spread out on the highway, you look out into the city noticing the sparkling lights. 

Each light is like a small twinkling star blazing, so many lights are orange... but there are also scattered lights that are blizeringly red and vibrant neon blue signs... The city is so beautiful at night from the distance. 

You turn around, you look up at Dave. 

You look at how the blue light from his dashboard reflects on his face. 

He's beautiful. 

You stare at him until he looks over at you, you shut your eyes. Hoping he didn't notice.

You open your eyes again, he's not looking at you any more. 

He's focused on the road. 

You glance down at his phone resting in the cup holder.

Babe should probably message him soon...

You turn around again and actually shut your eyes to rest. 

You push the doubts out of your mind.

Babe should message Dave later tonight.

He should...

You should because Dave wants that. 

And Dave deserves the world... he deserves the world and more.


	35. so special

Something's on the tv. You're not paying much attention to it.

You've been messing around with your phone for hours, playing some spin off version of tetris. 

"What are you playing?" Dave asks you. Noticing that you're tapping your fingers away.

"Tetris." You mutter. 

"Cool." Dave tells you, "I have a crippling addiction to tetris 99 at the moment." 

You hum like you're laughing at his comment.

You're focus on the blocks, they are stacking up higher-and-higher, and dropping down faster-and-faster.

You sigh as you fail to save yourself from a misdrop, you let yourself just get a game over. 

You look over at Dave.

He's sitting all the way across from you.

You're laying on the couch, taking up all the space.

Dave lets you.

He's sitting with his feet both up on the couch, facing you completely.

You keep staring at his perfect face... his perfect eyes... his perfect hair.

He looks up at you, noticing that you're staring.

You don't change you're expression.

You're sure you look peaceful and serene.

Staring at a face like that... how could you not be at peace? 

You tell him with plenty of air in your voice as you speak, "you're sitting like you're squatting to take a shit."

He starts cracking up, knowing exactly what you mean the moment that the words left your lips. 

You smile at him and look back down at your phone. 

You send him a message as his lover. 

"Hold on." Dave simmers down, "just got a message."

"Is it from your boytoy?" You poke fun at him while looking at your phone.

Dave lifts up his brows as he tells you, "I'm _his..._ boytoy."

You whisper to yourself as quietly as you could, _"damned if you are but damned if you aren't."_

* * *

heeey, hot stuff.

hey

okay

that shit isn't going to fly...

don't just say "hey"

say "hey cutie" or something nice!

i want you to make me feel special!

and i need that right now...

let me start over

hi there

hows my sweetheart doing today?

eeeehhhhehehe!

gooood.

glad to hear it

and I'M happy when you call me things like "sweetheart!"

you make me feel so...

um... giddy!

...when you say stuff like that.

did you message me just so i could like

romance you?

please do!

no problem baby

:D

where should i start?

say things you want to do to me!

oh

but don't...! grab your dick while you're talking to me.

i agreed to "ro...mance" not "roo...ming hands"

youre so cute babe

i think youre so hot too

not. romantic.

uhh

i want to hold you

who doesn't?

ha

and i love your confidence

seems like it's rubbed off on you, i'm glad.

you know what else i'd love for you to rub off on me?

RO.

MANCE.

get to it!

god

when we first met

i didnt think you were my type

now i am?

now youre like my

you know what

im going to walk this shit back

before i say some stupid shit

no!

i'm here for stupid shit!

what were you going to say!?

i already forgot

oh the lies pouring from your fingertips, messaging me total bs.

come on!

what was it!?

what were you gonna say?

were going going to say...

i'm...

your everything?

god

was that it!?

no

but its better

eeee!

what was the other one!

were you going to say...

that now i'm your

whole world!?

shit

haaaa haaaa!

oh my god!

yeah

laugh it up

oh my god!

oh my fuckin god!

that is so fucking funny!

yeah its hilarious

to you

no! nooo!

that is so nice coming from you!

i keep thinking that you're almost untouchable.

like... you're something so special to me.

i'm so hesitant to do anything with you cause i just don't want to ruin what we have.

wow

i uh

feel the same

like i couldn't bring myself to do anything sexual with you... but i wanted to so much.

then i kept teasing you

like a jerk

yeah?

you don't have to tell me you feel the same, i know you don't.

no

nonono

i do feel the same

haha.

no.

You don't.

you were ready to sext me the moment we started messaging each other.

yeah

but i was like

so scared shitless

i just started spamming you messages

i had no idea how to respond to you

or talk to you about

like any of this

but we are like

such a good couple right?

...right.

i think

id like to take you out on a date sometime

meet you in person and buy you a dinner

uh

i mean like

just as a thought

for you to like

consider

dave.

i don't think thats a good idea.

why not

cause

babe?

cause

its alright

you dont have to give me a reason

no it's...

because

i'm not good enough for you.

no

that's not true

babe

youre like

the only one for me

* * *

You look up at nothing and shiver out a breath. God. That pains you to hear.

* * *

...really?

i think youre wonderful

youre something so

fuck

its cheesy to say but

dear to me

so perfect

so special

so

everything

i want you

i just want to be near you

i dont care how long it takes for you to decide for us to be together in real life

once you show your face to me

im yours for as long as you will have me

* * *

You cover your mouth with your hand.

Dave takes a few moments before messaging you again.

He's spamming you with yearning, aching, messages...

He doesn't just want your body...

He wants Babe's heart.

You know that is you... but he doesn't.

You can't... you don't...

You don't know what to do.

You look over at Dave.

He's sitting all the way across from you on the couch. 

Dave is looking down, sweetly, at his phone. 

He's staring at the messages like he's looking at the love of his life...

"Hey, man." You get up from the couch and lock your phone. "I've got to take a piss."

"kay." Dave looked up at you. He smiled at you and then went back to waiting on another message.

One that isn't going to come.

You drag yourself into the bathroom. 

You look down at your phone.

You think about messaging him. A fleeting thought. One you kill.

You bite down on your lips.

You lock your phone and pocket it.

You take a few moments to collect yourself.

You think if you're doing the right thing.

The thought's dead.

You killed it.


	36. Melting Into Yourself

You stopped messaging him for two days now and right on cue, Dave's been sulking about it. 

Dave's been sighing and mopping around the house all day.

He's sitting down on the sofa, sinking into the cushions. 

Clicking his phone’s screen on and off. Sighing like he's crying on the inside. 

Just waiting on the couch for his boyfriend to message him again.

It's hurting your heart seeing him ache like this. 

You're sit down on the couch across from him. 

Netflix has been on the 'are you still watching' screen for about an hour now. 

So you shut off the screen. 

"Hey, man." You try your best to sound empathetic. 

Dave doesn't even lift up his head to reply, he just lets out a defeated, "...hey..." 

"What's wrong?" You ask the words like you are singing them to him.

Dave sighs, like he's in agony. In misery. You try your best not to roll your eyes.

Dave tells you the horrible news, "my boyfriend isn't returning my messages." 

"Maybe... he's busy." You say the words so light and airy, like a gust of wind hitting a wind chime.

"No.... I..." Dave sounds like he can't even muster up the energy to cry, he's that fucking miserable. "I think he's ghosting me." 

"What makes you say that?" You do your best to sound concerned.

Dave musters up the energy to slowly say to you, "He stopped... talking to me... in the middle of like... I guess a deep conversation."

"How deep?" You're trying so hard to make it sound like you're concerned about if he pushed his boyfriend away.

Dave lets out an airy sigh, he looks like he's melting into the couch with how much he's slouching, "I told him he's perfect."

"Ohhh." You suck air in through your teeth.

"What?" Dave asks you "what's wrong with that?" like you might know what he did wrong.

"Should have maybe not gotten so... romantic... so fast?"

"He told me too!" Dave suddenly has enough energy to toss up a hand. 

"He did, maybe he was playing... _a mind game..._ with you...?" After you say those words, you quickly mutter to yourself, "couples do that, right?"

"You think so?" Dave groaned, rubbing the palms of his hands against his forehead, using the balls of his wrists to massage his temples. "Then he's like **mixed messages: the person.**" 

You laugh lightly at that, a small twinge in your voice gives away a slight amount of shame or guilt or both.

Dave finally looks over at you, "do you know how I can like... save this?"

"I don't know, Dave. Wait for him to message you..." You trail off like you're thinking. You pretend like you only just now remembered he does this, "hey, have you been spamming him?"

"...maybe..." Dave practically confesses to the crime.

"How many times do I have to tell you _**not **to do that!?" _You stick up your hand and gesture how wrong he was to blow up _babe's _phone.

"I get the picture now." Dave lets hot gust of air out from deep in his lungs. 

Dave starts sinking deeper into the sofa, "if he doesn't message me back in like a day... can you just hit me over the head with my tv?"

"Are you this dramatic with him?" You ask already knowing the answer.

"I guess... so...?" Dave tries to shrug, he's to fused with the couch to do it though. "I don't know. _I just-_ don't men like to hear that they're perfect?"

"I think that would scare anyone, Dave." 

"Okay! Then what should I say to him?" He asks you like you'd know. 

"Nothing!" You look up into the corner of the ceiling and shrug. You look back at him when you say, "just wait!"

"Wait and then he never messages me back again because I didn't chase after him and then he leaves me- and..." Dave stops so he can slowly lay himself down onto the couch.

Now his head is inches away from you. He curls up slightly to avoid touching you and grabs onto one of the pillows.

Dave sighs, his breath sounds like it's filled with aimless frustration. He's truly lost. "I've been going over the messages a million times, wondering what I did wrong. I just said we were a good couple and he got upset at me, or he got mad at me over like something- nothing? I don't know! I don't know what I'm doing... and I don't know what I'm doing wrong... John. John just... God... help me."

"What's the worst thing you think you said to him? I'll be honest with you if it was bad." You offer him. 

"I asked him out on a date." Dave turns to lay on his back, the tip of his head toughing your thigh.

"You didn't." You say the words like he's a dog that just dug through the trash.

"I thought he'd like it! It's romantic! He asked for romantic, right?!" Dave argues with you. 

"Dave, has he even sent you a photo of his face yet?" You sound concerned and upset when you ask.

"No!" Dave lifts his hands up to the ceiling, with his back still on the couch.

"And you told him he was perfect?" You say the words like Dave's not getting something that's so _clearly obvious _and that he's a fool for being confused. "You haven't seen this man's face yet... and you told him that he was perfect?"

"And that's not the only thing."

"What did you do...?" You say the words like you're expecting the worst.

"It's not what I did." Dave sighs. "_He_ told me that he doesn't think he's good enough for me -which is such horse shit He's out of my league and I bet he knows it!- He's just... I don't know!? Making fun of me?"

Dave grabs onto his face and pulls at his cheeks. "God, is he making fun of me?"

"No. No. Dave." You're still sitting down right beside his head, you lightly pat his forehead. "No one is that much of an asshole."

"I don't know. I keep feeling like... like he's just laughing at me and how... how desperate I must seem to him." He sounds like he's sobbing in his heart. 

You tsk, feeling the same pain. You gently ask him, "if that were true then why would he tell you that you're to good for him?"

Dave throws up his hands. "Because! Because! I don't know!" 

"I don't know why he says half the things he says! I don't know if he wants to be with me or if he's making fun of me or if he's throwing me a bone because he thinks I'm that sad! -I don't know and it's fucking around with my head!" Dave grabs onto the top of his head and digs his nails into his skull. You hate the sight of it.

"Jesus, Dave!" You stand up. "Pull yourself together. -fucking... UGH! He didn't message you for two days and you think that the whole _world_ is ending!"

Dave sulkily yells the words, "because he means the world to me!" 

"Dave, I am going to slap the shit out of you if you honestly think that one guy is your whole world!" 

"Do it then." Dave is **still **sulking on the couch!

"Are you fucking serious?!" You yell at him.

"Yes."

"You're going to let one guy control your **whole** life?"

"Yes."

"You're **that** desperate for him?"

"Yes."

"That's fucking **horrible**, Dave!"

"Well. I'm too hurt to care."

You silently groan. You watch Dave take out his phone and type in a message to someone. You already know who.

"Look." Dave holds up his phone and points at it, "I just sent him a message saying he's my world."

**"You did_ not!"_**

"Read it and weep bitch." Dave hold up the phone and then lets go of it. Letting his phone drop down to his stomach.

When you decided to stop messaging him as Babe you knew he'd pull some dumb shit like this! But this is so...

"You are so immature!"

Dave picks back up the phone. "I just sent him a message that if he messages me back I'll name my album anything he wants, even Dave's an idiot with a piss fetish and jacks off to a guy's bare stomach!"

"You are! UGH! You are going to ruin your chances with him!" You point at him.

"Don't care." He holds up his phone. "Look! I just sent him a sad face emoji!" 

"Like that's going to help your situation. That is some stupid weak ass teenage girl shit, Dave."

"That's a summary of my fucking life!" Dave whines.

"AUGH! Dave! You think that whining to him will make him message you?" You grunt the words as you toss up your hands.

"He can at least break up with me if he doesn't want me." Dave sighs. "Rip off the band-aid."

"If he does, then what?!" You yell at him. 

"I'll lay here and wait until I die." Dave turns to face the back of the sofa. "Just let myself drowned in my own filth."

That pissed you right the fuck off.

"DAVE! Get the fuck up off the couch! Now." You pull on his arm and try to force him up.

He makes himself heavier as you try to drag him up.

"no."

"I have had it with this shit!" You grab onto his wrist with both of your arms. "Get up and go on a jog!"

"I'm taking a sick day." Dave's faced down on the couch now.

"Bullshit! Get out of the house!" You yell at him.

"I'm depressed." 

"You are doing this to yourself, that is **not** depression!" You are so pissed with him!

"Fuck you for assuming my mental condition. I am in so much pain, John."

"Me too!"

Dave stops making himself heavy.

He sits up. You let go off his arm as he stands up off the couch.

He walks towards you, looking you in the eyes with a concerned, almost nurturing and hurt look. 

"John. Are you okay right now?" 

You look away for him. You sigh and breathe out the words, "I'm fine." 

"You aren't." Dave slightly leans down to get closer to your eye level, "what's wrong?"

You quietly tell him. "You're acting like an idiot. And it's driving me nuts." 

"Okay. Alright. If it's getting to you, I'll stop."

"No. No. It's fine." You wisp out a sigh, "do whatever you want. Just don't act like you're concerned about _me."_

"what?" The word comes so lightly out of his mouth it's almost like he didn't even speak it.

"I know you'd rather sulk over Babe not messaging you for two days than... than... whatever. Fuck it." You turn away from him but he grabs your arm.

"No no... what is it?" Dave asks you.

You slip your hand out of his grasp.

You walk over to the front door, you head towards the coat rack and grab onto your coat, looks like it's going to rain and you don't want to be caught in the middle of that.

"John." Dave rushes over to ask you, "where are you going?" 

"Out." You slip your coat onto your arms and adjust your coats collar. 

"John!" He grabs at your arm and you pull it away. He lets you, he still says, "John, come on."

"No. I am not staying here. In this fucking apartment where you sulk on the couch and fucking won't shut up about your boyfriend, fucking everything. EVERYTHING. is about him!" 

"So... you feel like-"

"I don't feel like anything other than shit right now." You let him know.

"John. Hey. Come on, let's- let's go on a walk together and talk." Dave tries to ease you down.

That shit is not working on you today. "Fuck no." 

"John, if you're hurting you can talk to me. I'm your best friend-"

You turn to him and look him in the eyes. "Are you sure about that?" 

Dave pauses for a moment. Only a brief moment. "What did I do to make you think otherwise?"

"You made another joke about killing yourself."

Dave looks at you. Looks at you like you just stuck him across his face.

"I told you **never** to do that again." 

"I- I'm sorry-" Dave tries to save it.

"No. I'm mad at you now." You grab your house keys off the rack on the wall. "No bullshit apology is going to fix that."

"John, I'm sorry that-"

"That you're a fucking idiot!? You let someone drag you down so much that you'd say** that** to me?! Fuck you. Don't you ever even joke about dying! Don't you ever say **that** to_ me_ of all people. After all the fucking times I picked you up off of the floor! Found you faced down in a pool of your own vomit! Found you asleep, faced down in the toilet! What about those fucking withdrawals, huh? That's easier to get through then this?"

"Yes!" Dave out stretches his hands, turning his fingers into claws, desperately trying to grasp something. 

**"Why!?"** You scream at him. 

"Because you're upset with me!" 

You look at him, biting your lip. 

Tears start to form in your eyes.

You shake your head.

You can't bring yourself to say anything.

You can't say anything to him. 

You can't move.

Dave takes one step towards you.

He looks like he's about to hug you.

You can't let him. 

You can't let him or you-

You won't let him go!

You turn away from him.

You grab onto the door and hurry to unlock it.

You run out.

You have to leave. 

You can't stay there.

Not with him.


	37. The End of April

john

come home

youve been out in the rain for like an hour now

im worried about you

can we at least talk like this

* * *

You decided to walk down the sidewalk.

Half way through your walk it started pouring. Dave is right... it has been an hour now. But it wasn't raining the entire time. He's exaggerating, he always exaggerates everything.

It's cold out, the winter air was still lingering... even in the end of April.

You forgot your wallet so you couldn't even grab any hot coffee to warm up.

You just continue aimlessly walking along the side of the street, a car drives past and splashes mud onto the bottom of your jeans. 

You groan, you just noticed that you walked out of the house with your slippers on. 

You just wanted to get as far away from Dave as possible, but he keeps sending you messages. Blowing up your phone with texts and IMs. Trying to get a hold of you for the past ten minutes. 

You take out your phone and look at the messages that he just spammed you with again...

* * *

john

after everything weve been through together

i dont care if babe never messages me again

i think ill live

id rather have your friendship than you be pissed at me over some stupid shit i said

i dont know what i did to make my boyfriend pissed

but i know what i did to piss off my best friend

and

youre right to be mad at me

you can stay mad at me as long as you want

just

get out of the rain

you dont even have to talk to me

k?

i wont talk to you unless you talk to me

just be straight with me about how you feel 

john

come on

if you come home

ill do anything you want

ill take you out somewhere

we can just nod and say its wednesday today

and eat burritos filled with ice cream and dip it into fries

shit

i fucked up

whatever 

lets get stupid with it

and hey

i dont care if im spamming you

i need you to know how shitty i feel for making you walk out

and how much

i care about you

i love you john 

no matter what

youre still my best friend

just come home

i can deal with you being angry at me

i need to own up when i fuck up 

i get that

i just

i dont want to be alone right now

* * *

You're slow to open the door, you gently turn the handle trying to make as little noise as possible, trying to be invisible, trying to stay small. 

Dave wore you down and you quickly tracked back home in your muddy slippers.

You walk up to the couch, just to see if Dave is still on the couch.

He is, and he's looking right at you.

Dave's eyes are red. He’s looking at you with gentle eyes.

He's laying across the couch, holding his phone in his palm.

You gently step towards him.

You sit down besides him.

He sits up and looks at you, unashamed of the fact he’s been crying.

You look at him for a moment, looking into his puffed up eyes.

He's been crying since you left. 

Crying over you leaving because of him.

You instantly pull him into a hug.

You grab onto him, sinking your fingers into the fabric of his shirt. 

Holding him close. 

You want to open your mouth to say... anything but a sob comes out in the place of words.

Your tears start pouring into his collar.

He holds you tighter.

Dave's on the verge of tears himself, you can feel him tense up.

Dave starts stroking your hair.

You're choking on your tears.

Your hurting him as much as you're hurting yourself. 

Things can't go on like this...


	38. Summer heat against the winter air

Dave is still miserable, but he's been doing better. 

The two of you have been laying down on the couch after you took a shower, and had a good hard cry.

Dave was sweet enough to hold you in his arms.

You guess that he thinks you're crying over... 

over him hurting.

He told you since he was a teen he'd back slide into drinking, his older brother didn't do too much to pick him up. Sometimes, he'd just slapped him around until Dave got up on his feet again. When the two of you started living together, he was trying to stay on his feet. He gave you a heads up that he's got a bit of a problem. The friend you met through Dave had a similar issue. Later of course she moved and you became his rock, not that you minded, Dave would always try to make it easier on you, he never gave you a hard time. When you'd find him in his room drinking he'd just give up the bottle. Tell you to dump it. You would each time. It wasn't worth keeping around. Dave always struggled with abstaining from alcohol so you didn't keep any around.

Eventually, Rose told him that Dave would know he'd over it if their was alcohol in the house and he didn't touch it. So Dave bought you some as a gift, it was for you and only you. He didn't touch it because it was yours. It took you awhile to drink the whole thing, once you were done you showed him. He told you right then that he didn't even think about touching it. You were so happy with him, you told him that you would make anything that he wanted for dinner, no matter how stupid! He seemed to love shitty food combinations, fries and ice cream, pickles and reese's pieces, chocolate sauce on wings, all this crazy stupid shit.

You started eating like that too, you ended up getting really creative with it. Dave always thought it was hilarious... you guess that was before Babe came along. He seemed so focus on making his boyfriend happy that he kind of ignored you. You'd do everything in your power to get him to laugh and offering him his favorite meals... but his boyfriend seemed like he was taking priority. It pissed you off. _'Ha, how immature is that?'_ You have to tell him how you feel to your face eventually...

You've been laying down on the couch, next to Dave. Just like usual, facing towards him as you fuck around with your phone.

You've been staring at your screen for a while...

You sigh.

_'...why not?'_

* * *

hey.

sorry i haven't messaged you in a while.

hey

its okay babe

ive been fine on my own

alright. 

i'll carry on and pretend for you that i believe that.

what were you doing?

i had trouble with something.

oh

what kind of trouble?

nothing that's worth getting into.

there's something else i'd rather get into.

if you messaged me just to get off man

just know

that im game

but im also pissed

keep it in your pants.

i was about to ask you about your life and what you've been up too.

sure you were

ill carry on and pretend for you that i believe that

just because most everything i say to you is sexual doesn't mean i'm going to sext you rn!

i know that i haven't talked to you in awhile...

so i thought we should just you know, talk.

i can do that

what were you doing while i was gone?

uh

hanging out with my best friend?

oh? 

should i be jealous?

wouldnt you like to know

so he's cute right?

sounds like you already are jealous

ha.

is he cute?

whats this about?

okay fine!!!

i AM the jealous type!

but...

it's a bit of a turn on...

another guy living with my boyfriend...

you could just start banging him and i wouldn't know 

well hes straight

uh huuuuh...

you know who else is straight?

my last boyfriend, and I know how hot you are!

no guy in there right mind would pass up a chance to be with you!

* * *

You don't mind lying again about your fake persona's life. 'Babe' could get any guy that he wants... even the man that you love...

* * *

so...

tell me...

is he cute?

hes got buck teeth and comically large glasses

* * *

You sighed.  
You noticed that Dave just looked over at you.  
You pretended that you were quietly chuckling at something.  
You paid Dave an awkward smile.  
Dave smiled back at you. It was a warm, gentle smile.  
He looked happy that you weren't upset with him anymore.  
The thought of Dave happy was enough to warm your heart that you think you can get through the pain of this conversation.  
This conversation where Dave thinks he's in love with someone he's never truly met.   
He went back to messaging his boyfriend.  
Your eyes light up at his next message.

* * *

hes the cutest thing I’ve ever laid eyes on

ohhh!?

you just said that to your actual boyfriend!!

youve never sent me a picture of your face

if you did youd take the top spot

so i have to live knowing that you're staying with "cutie of the year's" runner up!?

oh god

you are actually jealous

>:[

oh man

dont get mad again babe

you have no reason to be

i don't do i?

so you never tried to do anything with him before?

no

god

i couldnt

i mean i tried

* * *

_'What?'_

* * *

ill admit

ive pulled a move on him once before

he just blew it off like he didnt notice

ohhh....

he is THAT cute then?

i think we already established that john is cute

if you pulled a move on him then...

did you ever have a crush on him?

uh

not

really a crush 

that’s not the right word

then what is?

i uh

babe 

do we really have do talk about this

like this?

i can just

head to my room and uh

call you

just spit it out.

i fell for him

* * *

You eyes slowly widen.  
You feel something build into your gut.  
Everything you did was a fucking mistake.  
Dave already... and you... you ruined it.

* * *

babe?

you still there?

why did you like him?

just because he's cute?

no

its just

babe

is now really the best time to drag this out?

didn't you want to talk about my like day to day life?

i guess we can stop talking about this and talk about your music or some joke you heard online...

but that wouldn't make either of us actually happy if you avoid talking about this.

i'd rather know about your feelings...

and i know that you'd rather talk about your feelings than just bottle them up...

you’re the kind of guy who lets everything sit until it bubbles over, aren't you?

but that’s okay...

because, well...

being your boyfriend has been one of the best things i’ve done with my life.

i feel the same

dave...

i want to mean more to you than just being the guy who talks with you and sends you nudes over the phone.

babe

you mean so much to me

you're my whole world now

you know that

you're funny and cute and you always make me smile

what about your roommate...?

do he make you feel the same way?

I’m dating you

not an answer.

okay well

when we started living together i got it in my head he was off limits

we grew so close so fast i didnt want to blow how good our friendship was

but he would always make me my favorite meals

and he started learning about the music i liked just cause i liked it

we like the same things and we watch the same shows

and one day i just looked over at him while he was sitting on the couch

and he smiled at me

and then

he laughed

it was like everything just hit me all at once

maybe cause johns the kinda guy who would pick me up off of the floor when i was faced down in vomit

he wouldnt even look disappointed

or annoyed

he would just look so sad

like he was hurting because i was

and i wanted to be better

because he wanted me to be better

id be a fucking idiot if i didnt fall head over heels in love with him 

* * *

You feel tears start to form in your eyes.  
You meant something to him...   
and you're the one who's about to ruin all of it.  
You quickly wipe the shame out of your eyes  
You get up and head over to your room, yawning and letting Dave know, "I'm turning in for the night."  
"kay." Dave kept his focus on his screen. Waiting for Babe to message him again...

* * *

i just want to know...

what was the move you pulled?

alright well

we were kidding around

i dont remember it exactly

i just remember he made a joke about sucking cock when he was sucking a fudge pop

it was before he even knew I was into guys

i made some joke about sucking his dick

he started laughing hard about it

i felt

hurt about that

but you asked for what the move was right?

well i made the joke

and then i started rubbing his knee

he wasnt getting the picture so i backed off

glad he didnt get what i was trying to pull though

i would have just made a fool of myself

or maybe it would have scared him off

anyway its for the best

john deserves to be treated right

i wouldnt want to just fuck him out right

id rather go on a series of dates with him first

hes probably the kind of guy whod like to go to the movies and have me hold his popcorn 

sounds like you really thought about it

yeah

why didn’t you ever like...

just ask him if he’d like to go to the movies with you?

okay

think about it

he already is so close to me

his friendship means the world to me

and i mean THE WORLD to me

he told me hes straight

so if he ever did get with me

that would be like

him just testing the gay waters

getting a feel for if he likes the pool

if he doesnt

it would break my heart completely

if he asked me out i would have given him everything i have

if he would have just asked for a date

i would have given him my whole heart

* * *

You bite your lips, struggling to keep the tears from pouring.

* * *

if john wanted me

if he was really into me

he would have just told me

we are best friends

if he ever wanted to be with me like that

I felt like he would have just asked me up front 

but he didn’t 

he never did

well i don’t know about that dave...

you don’t make it easy, you know?

you’re so hot,

even i get intimidated by you.

it's not easy to say "hey i want you more than anything."

"i crave you more than i crave my own sanity."

"i'd do anything for you to be happy."

god.

and the way you look at me

i mean you know 

The way you look into the camera

...with those cinnamon eyes.

they just burn into my heart...

like i can't help but feel weak...

ha... look who's ranting now.

you really feel that way about me?

is that the reason you stopped messaging me

cause i intimidate you?

i stopped IMing you because...

you made me emotional.

and i

i’m so sorry about that.

if i ever hurt you.

just know that i don't mean too.

its okay

you seem like your twisted up about this too

i am pulling my hair out over here!

ha

i was too

sigh.

i just can't believe that you were in love with your roommate.

yeah well

it was hard to NOT fall for john

i actually tried so hard to ignore my feelings

but they just got worse

what was the worst it ever got for you? if you were nuts over the guy it has to be bad

uhhh

do i have to answer that question

got cha

got what?

i got chaaaa 

what?

i know what you mean

i got nuts about a guy once before

i stole his shirt and id smell it when i went to sleep

im guessing since you feel in love LOVE you did worse than that

god

yeah me sniffing johns sweatpants was one of my low moments

WHAT!

EW!

you’re so immature and perverted!

its a big turn on you know? ;p

uhhhh...

well you know

a man makes mistakes when he’s under that pressure

sure john making you dinner is fucking stressful as fuck, right?

Yeah!

* * *

He really means that too you bet.

* * *

id get caught up over everything he does

he makes it so hard on me sometimes

yeah?

can i just vent about something?

have at it. the floor is yours.

john would always laugh at everything

like life is a big game to him

hes so cheerful about everything

he loves to laugh every chance he gets

and the sound goes right to my heart

and when he smiles up at me

feeling goes right to my dick

wow.

so uh... what about rn?

right now

it's been

a challenge to avoid looking at his ass

WOOOOW!

sorry babe

ehh

don't be, this isn't my first rodeo.

at least you didn't like sleep with him or anything.

noooope

its amazing that you got a boytoy and yet you STILL cant keep your eyes off of john's ass

at least 

i assume that is true

* * *

You trumpently hum to yourself. Your plan to seduce Dave wasn't a total bust after all.

* * *

yeah well

wait

listen to the whole story from my perspective

hes been walking out of his room in tight booty short

walking about

making my favorite foods

everyday

and jacking off

moaning loud enough that i can hear it

and worst of all with one of my sex toys

WOOOOOOWWWW!

you are on the cusp of cheating with me aren't you?

no

i'm not

its just

hes been getting "experimental" lately

and how would you know if you weren't in his bed?

its like

his whole new attitude around the house

hes acting like how i feel on the inside

a horny virgin that loves the idea of sex

but

i think im too nervous of a guy to actually try it out

i mean

if i were to touch you

i think i would pass out

you completely destroy my mind just with words alone

you've never even heard my voice

yeah

i get what you mean

ive never called "my boyfriend" before

but im completely obsessed with everything you say to me anyway

your messages are like

ugh

jesus this is corny but you love watching me make a fool of myself anyway

your messages are like kisses

:)

i keep spamming your phone

cause im like

addicted to you

even though that sounds so fuckin sad

if you were in my shoes

youd feel the same

having someone like you in my life

messaging me

telling me that i should hold myself in higher esteem

telling me that when you look into my eyes you feel intimidated

its like

you know

makes your day?

getting messages from your boyfriend makes you feel

whole?

i cant believe you feel the same

i'd be an idiot not too.

:)

:)

* * *

You sigh, looking down at your phone. You need to apologize.

* * *

i'm sorry that i got upset with you... over what seems like nothing in your eyes

i'm sorry that i got emotional and left

and i'm really sorry that i would yell at you for spamming me

i think you were right about getting pissed with me though

i needed to calm down

i need to walk it back

you dont need a guy to worship you

you need to be with someone whose like

you know

someone who talks to you like a friend and comforts you like a lover

you felt... that strongly about me?

ha

god i must seem so weird to you

no you just seem... maybe a little lonely?

is that why you clinged to me so much

you've got me all figured out

i'm sorry you feel that way...

thats not on you

my lives been

a strange one

long before i started sexting/dating a guy who wont even tell me his name

on top of that i have overly comical glasses...

wow hey your boyfriend looks just like john..

amazing how that worked out...

i really wanted to ask you this

it's been in the back of my mind and i know there's no right way or right time to ask but...

if john ended up with you... instead of me...

were you going to do all the things you did with me... with him?

i wont lie

i would have let him do anything he wanted to me

and you still like him?

these are a lot of specific questions

babe

why are you so worried about the answer?

i'm jealous...

you dont need to be

well i am.

you like that kind of thing right?

what?

you ever picture doing anything...

naughty with him?

shit

you know the answer already

i kind of just told you a few minutes ago

tell me about everything.

how you felt, what you wanted to do to him.

uh no

come on...

i told you about my past life

oh

the california gold miner or the WW1 vet?

i meant my sex life!

how i like it fucking hard!

haha okay

i can never read what youre gonna do next

now youre horny?

fuck dave!

i need this!

just work with me here!

tell me about your feelings for john!

shit

okay

where to start

anywhere!

well

he makes this cute noise when hes scared by something

and it kind of sounds like a moan

so when id hear it

my dick would twitch

hmmm

you like topping guys like that?

is he so cute that even you would drive your cock into him?

you think he'd whine like a bitch?

you want to pin him down and force him to take all of your massive cock?

you want to slam into him and make him to beg you to let him cum?

you thought about fucking him like that didn't you?

damn

he's just a virgin though...

his hole is probably too tight!

he wouldn't be able to take a monster cock like yours!

i'm willing too though, dave!

maybe he wants to too.

i can't see a guy living right next to your room just ignoring how fucking good you look.

you could turn guys i bet. 

make even the straightest guys cock curve up for you.

are you touching yourself right now?

dave, tell me about fucking him...

you are really getting off to this

huh

you actually like this

talk to me like you’re cheating on me...

what would you do to him if you could?

ill only tell you if I can call you 

okaaaay...

but i'm putting my phone on mute.

you haven't earned hearing me moan yet!

maybe i wont call you then

what!?

this time im going to be assertive

im going to say what i really want

if you want me to do this

you have to moan for me

* * *

You narrow your eyes at the screen as you rest on your bed.  
It is hard to type with only one hand.  
You can't go on like this forever.  
but you can have one last hurrah.

* * *

Dave picks up the call and answers, "hi, baby."

You try your best to make your voice as high pitched and sexy as possible, "hi."

"You want me to walk you through everything?" He sounds like he's already excited and you haven't even started yet.

You quietly answer, "yes."

"Shit. Let's start at square one." Dave sounds like he's walking over to his room. You can hear the door to his room close shut as he talks, "I would go into his room, walk in with my shirt off. I'd tell him that if he's horny he can just use me like a fucktoy..."

You giggle at the thought. You can't help yourself, you keep giggling. This entire affair is just making you so giddy!

"shit." Dave sounds turned on by the sound of your cheerful giggles. "but I bet he'd love to play the role of a cockslut..."

You sound as cute as you can for him, hoping that your high pitched voice masks your own voice, "anyone would for you!"

Dave laughs lightly, "yeah? I think he'd love to play with my cock for a while, I mean get this... he kept making jokes about my cock, like he wanted me to know he's impressed with it. I can't stop thinking about all of them... Before the two of us do anything to serious, I'd want him to get a feel for it. I'd let him fucking play around with my cock like it was the final level of bop it."

You laugh. You remember the little joke you made about how big Dave is. You do your best not to snort, you fail.

Dave continues, "I told you that he just keeps joking about my cock, but he's doing even worse shit now. He loves wearing these tight shirts so I can see his body, his hot fucking body John also started wearing tiny little shorts and bending over so I'll check him out. I bet he likes feeling exposed. Feeling like a slut. I bet he wanted me to look at him just because I can't touch him. I think he might have picked up on how I felt about him and now that I'm dating some other guy he can just do whatever he wants, wear whatever he wants, moan as loud as he wants. John's playing around with me... I fucking know it... It took me a while to be sure but I know he fucking wants me now."

Your breath shutters, you let slip a small gasp of a moan.

"Does that do something fucking bad for you?" Dave asks, "You like that my best friend is trying to fuck me? You want to picture me cheating on you with my roommate?"

You sigh out an airy, "yes."

"Well, first thing's first... I would let him work my cock. Twist it. Pull it. Bop it."

You start laughing again.

Dave lightly laughs too. He's trying to get back into the groove of things, "he'd fucking work my cock and he'd fucking want it, but he doesn't get just how fucking big it actually is. I could fucking ruin his hole if I'm not careful."

You giggled at that.

"Fuck..." Dave moaned at hearing you giggle for his roommate's hole to be demolished. 

Dave asks you with a twinge of pride in his voice, "you want me to push him down onto his bed?"

You hum to say yes. "mmhmm."

Dave tells you, "I'd push him down. Rub my hands along his tight, tight white shirt."

Dave sighs, "I'd kiss him lightly on his lips. Then I’d suddenly stick my tongue down his mouth and grab onto his waist."

You bite down on your lips and listen for more as you work yourself.

"He probably wants to feel my tongue piercing, he told me he has a thing for that."

You continue to work yourself slowly as Dave tells you,

"He'd get so hard for me."

You start panting, lightly gasping for air.

Dave suddenly sounds more firm with you, "then I’d fucking roll him over and spank him for all the pranks he pulled on me."

You involuntarily moan at his words. Dave just keeps going with out mercy,

"I'd flip him over and start teasing his tip."

"hmm..." You hum and then sigh, your painting is getting worse. 

"He’d probably be a little needy slut." Dave's breath is shaking. "Whining for me to fuck him hard so I’d force my fingers inside his hole."

You make your voice as light as you could to ask, "how many?"

"Three." Dave tells you, "because he deserves to have his hole stretched out."

You giggle and kick up your legs. He can hear your voice squeaking and squealing, but you don't care. This right here, this is for you.

"He'd like it wouldn't he? Like how rough I am with his body."

You keep giggling in between your moans. 

"He parades around our place like a slut, and I know pain gets him off."

You bite down on your lips. He's saying everything you want to hear and more!

"How would you fuck him!?" You make your voice as high pitched as you could.

"I'd ram into him, no warning. Just pull his hair back and ride him hard."

You start cheering again, happily gripping onto your cell and panting out cheerful laughs.

You cheerfully say, "but Dave! You're so big! You'd kill him!"

Dave chuckles, “Well... I’d say to him, ‘John, you want it to stop hurting you need to learn to be a good boy and stop pulling all of your naughty pranks.’"

_"Fuck!"_ You whimper out a moan. You can't remember the last time you pranked him hard. You don't care, the thought is making your thoughts blurry.

Dave keeps going, ranting just for you,"I'd pump my hips into his tight hole, making him not just moan, but scream. I wanted him to pound into me for fucking years! When we first started living together, he ate a fudgesicle and joked he was sucking cock and the memory of that STILL keeps me up at night. I fucking want him to demolish my hole but I’d just demolish his for all the pranks he’s pulled on me. Making him take my whole fucking cock for releasing crickets in my car and for putting whip cream in my Nikes. I’d fuck him raw, break his bed."

_"Haa... ahhh!" _You're pumping yourself faster, holding the phone next to your ear as you lift up your hips.

Dave's getting breathless, "I'd keep railing him, I know John’s the kind of guy that would be desperate to cum!"

_"AH-Hmm!"_ You try to stifle your moan, Dave is still in the other room. You still can't let him know that it's you on the other line.

"He would beg to cum." Dave sounds like he's getting close too. "He's only allowed to cum when I tell him too."

You bucked your hips, the thought of Dave controlling you like that sends a pulse of pleasure through your body.

"Just like you." Dave is controlling you!

You start gasping, moaning desperately. "please, please let me cum."

"Fucking cum for me, babe." Dave sighs.

You keep pumping yourself, trying hard to ignore the name he just called you.

"Are you gonna cum for me?" Dave sounds like he's getting close to his limit.

"Come on... cum for me." Dave is demanding that you do, "be a good boy... or are you a naughty cockslut?"

You pump yourself as fast as you can, lifting up your hips, straining your voice as you call out, **_"Da-Dave!”_**

You finish with a grunt.

Dave responds but struggling to say, "fu-fuck.”

_ **”i fu- I’m almost there." **_ You hear Dave pumping himself hard as he yells, _**"Fuck!"**_

Dave shouts,_** "Jo- John!”**_

* * *

Your eyes instantly shoot wide open.  
Dave just came screaming _your _name!  
"OH MY GOOOOOD!"  
You realized that you just yelled into Dave's ear.  
You instantly hang up. You keep panting and repeating to yourself.  
"ohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygod!"  
Dave just came to the thought of you! While he was talking with **BABE! **  
You feel like screaming, and punching yourself in the face and laughing and you feel a million different emotions and all of them are pure joy!  
But Babe sure as fuck didn't.

* * *

WHAT THE FUCK!?

WHAT DID YOU JUST CUM TO!?

uh

i thought about fucking both of you?

no!

no fuck you! 

baby

you will always be the only guy for me

UGH BULLSHIT!

you had WAY too much in your head about what you wanted to do to him!

and that was all for you

sure it was!

T:<

oh damn

you are fuckin pissed

D:<

You came and screamed his name!

THINK ABOUT THAT FOR JUST A SEC

WHY WOULDN'T I BE PISSED

>:U

because you made me think about fucking my roommate so you could get off

how is my cumming and saying his name bad?

Because you should only CUM AND MOAN FOR YOUR BOYFRIEND!!! 

YOU FILTH STAINED

ROOMATE

FUCKING 

PISSLORD

ohm yg od

>:C

you never told me your name!

OH LIKE THAT'S AN EXCUSE TO CUM MOANING YOUR ROOMMATES NAME! 

id happily scream your name if you would have told me

my

nickname

is

BABE

YOU DIPSHIT FUCKING IDOIT PUSS FOR BRAINS LIMP COCK ASS MOTHER FUCKER

holy shit

i just came

my cock is sore babe

stop!

i cant go again just yet!

:|

uh

wrong time for that joke then huh?

uh babe?

that's it.

send me a pic of him.

now.

uh

didn't i Just say now?

why?

i want to scope the competition!

yeaaaah

im not gonna do that

oh! but you can say his name in bed?

you got off to the idea of me fucking him

thought we were cool

you aren’t cool...

you are fucked.

it's like you like getting pissed

shit man

how pissed are you on a scale of 1 to 10

2

still a dangerous level for you 

how jealous are you on that scale?

100

i just came

i already told you 

my dick cant take anymore

you're getting off to my jealousy?!

yeah???

then suck it up and get it up SCRUB!

shit

i love you so much

* * *

You are laying down on your pillow.

The sound of your fan blowing is all you can hear.

You focus on the deafening sound of being alone.

You want so badly to reply your finger hovers over your keyboard.

You stare at the words I love you.

They are meant for a person who doesn’t even exist.

You place your phone next to you.

You don't lock your phone, you continue to stare blankly at the bright white light shining out of your phone. 

What there was between you and Dave... it's over.

He's taken by someone new to him.

Someone... that you made just to trick him...

You aren't deserving of someone so... perfect.

You need to come clean. But first... You need to stop these tears.


	39. The words "I love you"

You don’t reply to him in the morning. Dave didn’t come out to eat breakfast with you either. He locked himself in his room. You thought that he was probably crying... like how you were...

You thought that he needs space right now… plus you really didn't want to see him.

You know things can't keep going on like this... you're going to have to rip off the bandaid, you know you do! Just... you don't want to lose him. If he turns you away, it would crush you completely... now you know how he must have felt about you. 

You worked today so you didn’t see Dave till you got home.

He was sitting on the couch.

Staring blankly at his phone.

You walked up to him and sat besides him.

“What’s the matter?” You ask him in a quiet tone, trying not to give away how stressed you are.

“I told him I love him." Dave tells you in a hushed tone. "He didn’t reply... for like a day.” 

You paid some thought to confessing... but... this isn't the right moment, you need to build to that first.

“Well maybe he’s just... a little shocked.” You say the words like a concern, understanding friend.

“I don’t know. I already told him he's my world. I guess I love you is a bit... strong." Dave sighs, it's almost like a groan. "He doesn't like when I spam him so I’m just sitting here....” Dave takes a moment to breathe before finishing his sentiment “...waiting.”

You place your hand on Dave's back and pull him into a side hug.

He tells you as you hold him. "I think maybe I fucked up... because I started- talking about... something that I shouldn’t have... and maybe I scared him off.”

You wait a few moments. Still thinking if it's right to say... no... instead you ask him a question.

“You really like this guy?” You start rubbing his side as you hold him.

“I need this guy." Dave doesn't care, he just tells you up front. "I don’t even care if he doesn’t love me back. If all he does is just laugh at me.” 

You sit up again, pulling away to look at the side of his face.

He's still staring at his phone instead of you, "I’m just a coward that can’t even tell him I love him... over a call." 

Dave leans into your chest again so you grab onto him, "it's impossible to even say any of this to his face... I wish I could, but I can't." 

“What if..." You need to know the answer, "what if this guy… isn’t like he says he is? What if he's like... catfishing you?”

“I don’t care." Dave lightly shakes his head. "I know enough about who he really is though the words he chooses to say…”

Dave lightly lists the things he loves, “I love his sense of humor.”

You stare blankly ahead as you continue holding him and rubbing his side like before.

Dave chuckles. “I love how he pretends to get frustrated at the things I say.”

“I love that he always finds a way to make me smile.” Dave sounds confident in his words. "I love him.”

You pull away from him again. Looking at his face.

He's still looking at his phone.

Always looking at his phone...

“I love him." Dave says. "Even if he doesn’t love me back.”

* * *

You held him til he fell asleep in your arms. He was heavy against your chest so you slowly leaned back. You took off your glasses and placed them on the arm rest of the couch. After that long day at work, you knew you were going to be out like a light.

You fell asleep with Dave resting in between your thighs. You held onto him as you slept, one of your feet was jabbing into his ass. You must have been snoring, because Dave suddenly woke you up. He pressed his hands up against your chest to lift himself up.

You didn't move. You just let him go. 

Dave walked over to the other side of the couch and then walked back to you, draping a blanket on top of you. He gently pressed his palm up against your arm and lightly pat you as he walked away.

You gently open your eyes.

You feel tears build in your throat.

You don't care...

Before you mess everything up for good, you need to say it.

You dig into the back pocket of your jeans and message him.

* * *

i love you!

i love you with all of my heart.

what?

i love you so much I want to be with you...

and talk to you

and laugh with you

and tease you!

and eat food with you!

and all of these other dumb things that don’t matter unless I’m with you!

you really

actually

love me?

i love you completely 

i do and i’m jealous

i’m jealous of the guy you’re always spending time with!

it's been driving me nuts because i love you and i can't be with you!

and i'm just expect that you're going to leave me...

when...

ugh.

i’m sorry i couldn’t do this over a call...

or to your face...

i can’t even type any more

cause i’m sobbing so hard

i can’t see my phone clearly

dont worry about that

i love you too

i love you so fucking much dave!

and at the end of the day!

no matter what!

i will always be yours!


	40. What happens after...

You pulled yourself together. Pressing your body right off of the couch.

You walked over to the bathroom and took a shower as you thought long and hard about the choices you made in which brought you to this point.

You went to bed, laid down, and tried to think of what to say and how to say it.

You wonder for a moment if you never should have moved in with Dave in the first place, save him from the strife of bearing with you or loving you... no... you were happy that you could be his rock. You were content with being his best friend, as desperate as you were to be his lover... that ship... might have already sailed. You probably already ruined everything. You might have even… destroyed Dave's ability to trust anyone again. When you confess, you have to suck up all of your pride and let Dave know that you are in love with him. You have to drill that into his head. That no matter what his reaction is, he needs to know that he's loved. That someone loves him. 

You keep thinking that Dave might get angry with you once you confess... or worse... angry at himself. 

You couldn't bear it if he started beating himself up over everything he said to you through those messages.

But... this can't go on any longer.

It has to end.

It has to.

Dave deserves to know. 

You couldn't get any sleep, you don't think he could either... 

He left his room. He's out on the couch again. It sounds like he's eating something in a bowl.

You sigh as you get up from your bed, you open the door and walk over to Dave.

You stood next to him, seeing the salad bowl in his hands and that he was fully dressed.

He noticed that you look upset so he places the bowl down on the table in front of the couch and looks up at you.

You sigh and shake your head, "Dave."

He slightly nods, the gesture is so slight... you almost missed it. Almost. 

You sound so pathetic when the words come out of your lips. "I've been playing a prank on you and it was a... a fucking dick thing to do, to you and to me."

Dave asks, "did you fill the toilet with shaving cream again?"

"No." You feel like shit, and yet despite that, he still got you to laugh.

"No... Dave." You let a sigh out of your nose. "Listen to me. I've been..."

You don't know where to even start. You don't know where to even begin.

You look down at the floor and glance back up at him. He gives you a gentle smile. 

You lose it and burst into a rant,

"I’m... I’m your boyfriend. I’m so sorry, Dave! I know this started as just a stupid fucking joke, but you’re so kind and good to me and I- I'm actually in love with you! Deeply- fully- violently in love with** you!** and it’s _killing_ me because you love this fake person that I made just to play a dumb joke on you, when I want you to love **_me_****_!" _**You start pulling at your hair as you speak, "When you said my name in bed it made me so happy and then it tore me to shreds when you said you loved Babe. You don’t love _me_... you don't love **_me_** anymore! You love this artificial... fake me! **I want to date you as myself!** And I’m such a fucking **dipshit** that I ruined every chance of that! I should never have tried to prank you like this! It is such a sick thing to do to anyone! I’m hurting so much! It feels like I’m getting clawed apart and you know what!? I deserve this pain for making** you** hurt like this!"

You stop ranting, if you don't you'll burst into tears.

Dave flatly said, "oh."

Dave just said the word like you told him he forgot to take out the trash or that his shoe is untied. 

"Oh?" You remove your hands from your head, you stop digging into your skull as you lean in to mimic him. _ "Ohhhh...?" _

"Why oh?" You ask him. 

"I'm just..." Dave lightly laughs. "I'm amazed it took you this long to own up to it."

Your voice cracks as you ask, **"Huh?"**

_ ‘Why is he laughing?’ _You ask yourself.

"John." Dave lifted up his phone to show you.

He pays you a self-righteous smile as he shook it,

"I knew it was you the moment you said sexy pen pals."

_ "Wh-" _ Words are failing to come out of your lips, your mind is failing to register something so.. so... you don't know what exactly. It's just something so fucked.

Dave keeps smiling at you, "no one types like you do, John. No one says half the things you say.” Dave's covering his mouth with his hand, trying to hide his smile from you.

You're stunned. "You..." You feel fire rise up in your heart and into your brain. "You knew the entire time... **and you led me ** ** _ON!?_ ** _ " _

You proceed to grab a pillow from the couch and toss it at him.

Dave grinned as he moved to block the hit.

He’s just sitting on the sofa..._ laughing. _

Chuckling like this is all some hilarious joke to him and he’s trying to save face!

_‘He fucking thinks this is** funny!?'**_ You are completely enraged. _'He's getting a kick out of this!' _

**"YOU! ** ** _OOOOHHHUUUGHH!"_ ** You are so enraged with him! If he knew the whole time then he was just- he was... **turning the joke back on you! ** He **knew** that you were trying to seduce him! He **knew** that you were hung up over him! **And he said nothing!**

"I'm sorry!" Dave is awkwardly smiling, trying to defend himself from your fury. Dave chuckled. He had the nerve to -no, the balls- to laugh at you again! He just keeps laughing as he says, “I was waiting on you to say something!"

"Til** I said _something!?"_ ** You extend your finger out at him in an angry point, pulling your other hand into a fist. You say through your teeth, "You don't think that wearing tight short-shorts and giggling at everything you said wasn't ** _something!?" _ **

"I was going to tell you I knew right after I said I love you!" Dave lifts up his hands as he smiles and laughs to himself. "Right after we were done with that hot joke roleplay you sprung on me! I just wa-" 

**"Dave!"** You almost shout at him. "You can call it a _ joke _ , you can call it a _ roleplay _ but we were both jacking off,” -you make a rude gesture- **“together!"** You take out your phone and point at it. You angrily whisper, _ "we cybered!" _

"Cybered? You actually said it out loud!" Dave laughed. "Are you still living in 2001?"

"**Dave** ." You growl his name at him. You wrap your fist around your cell. **"We** ** _ just_ ** ** had phone sex!”**

** _"Yeah, we did."_ ** Dave sounds proud.

Actually fucking proud! 

You're ready to tear into him and cut him a new one!

"Oh!?" You hunch over and glare at him. "_ Did that fucking _ ** _do it for you!?_ ** Getting me fucking **pissed** and** jealous** just so you could get off!? How'd that suit you!? Was it worth it? Was it worth breaking me over?"

"Wait-" Dave changed his tone. He's not laughing now. "Wait, I wasn't-"

You cut him off and bark at him, "are you really about to tell me that you didn't love calling me up and listening to me moan!? You didn't love bragging to Babe about how I'm** trying** to seduce you!? **AUGH!**"

"I... I..." Dave is stammering.

"Then you have the nerve to call it all a joke!” You point at him,_ "AND LAUGH AT ME!"_

“When did I-?” You cut Dave off from saying something. You don’t know. You weren’t listening.

"It wasn’t a joke to** me** by the way!" You toss up your hand. "This stopped being a prank **_weeks ago!"_**

"I know that-" Dave tries to say something, you cut him off.

"You know _-UGH- _ **You knew ** I was your boyfriend!" You yell at him. "-And you didn't say _anything!"_

You keep walking forward towards him as you point a finger at him, "You jacked off to me for what? for the fucking shit of it? and what were you doing the whole time? Laughing it up!?” There are tears building in your throat, he's killing your right now. “You just kept the whole thing going even though you saw me hurting- You didn’t say a word!"

Dave started up again, "I told you that I was in love with you-" 

You stop Dave from talking by tossing your phone at the couch. It hits the cushion and falls down right beside him. **"Yeah!? And was that just you fucking with me too?!"**

"John-"

You cut him off again, "You led me on! You knew it was me and you decided to fuck with me anyway! **It's not** ** _ funny,_ ** ** Dave! And you’re laughing about it!”**

"John!" He tried to get your attention again, but you're not listening!

"**You're a fucking asshole you know that!? ** I felt like shit because of- **UGH!**"

"John-"

"**You knew!** You knew that I was playing a prank on you and then you just went on ahead anyway and sent me a picture of your dick,** On Day One! **-and you sent me all these romantic messages and- and!"

You feel like you're on the verge of tears. But you are too fucking angry to cry,

"You said that you fell in love with **me!** **Me!** Your roommate. Was that a joke to you too!?"

You grabbed onto your head and started scratching your nails into your skull, "Pretending that you- **you loved me!** For the sake of pranking me back..."

Dave tries to speak yet again. "John-"

You cut him off again. "I- I felt **miserable** because I thought I was actually breaking your heart and you were moping around the house and I... _UGH!_ Dave. You- You-_ AUGH!_ I thought I was actually breaking your heart!"

"You were." 

You look at him. You narrow your eyes and feel the skin around your nose tighten. You wait for him to say more so you shut up and let him speak.

"John." Dave sounded so gentle as he spoke, "I meant everything I said to you." 

You're eyes widen. The skin around your nose relaxes. You feel... you don't know what you feel. 

Dave light chuckles at you, "You always overthink things in your head... then you get the wrong idea." Dave sounds so kind... so loving. "I already told you, I love you. I wouldn't joke about that."

"You mean it?" You lightly breathe out those words. "This isn't just you... turning the prank back onto me?"

Dave gets up from the couch. He walks over to you.

Dave places his hands on your arms, he gently rubs them as he leans in.

He kisses you on your lips. You lightly kiss him back.

Dave pulls away and looks down at you, "John, my heart was breaking because every moment with you, since we started living together, I’ve been falling deeper and deeper in love with you."

You stare into his eyes. You feel like... like... beating your own head into a wall for ever being _so stupid._ Dave was just as serious about this as you were... well... became.

You're still on the verge of crying, Dave knows. He can see. He takes his thumb and gently rubs it against your eyes, one at a time. 

Dave affectionately looks down at you, like he's staring at the love of his life.

Dave softly speaks, telling you, "I love you so much. You always make me ache. Getting your messages really were like kisses, and I was addicted to the taste."

You glance down. You know that Dave wouldn't hurt you on purpose, not after everything the two of you have been through together. The movie nights, the jogs you went on together, the times that you'd hold him when he was trashed... the time that he held you when you were scared... the meals that you made him and the rides that he gave you... That all was something you felt was between two friends. You had no idea how Dave felt. He must have been so twisted up... just like you were... but the poor things been like that for... _years._

You lower your chin and run the back of your sleeve against your nose. "I did all of this to myself... it's my own fault I felt this way..."

You glance back up at Dave, "I should have been honest with you from the start."

"I should have been... too.." Dave confesses. "I just... I." Dave bites down on both of his lips and looks away from you as he holds onto your hips. "-I fell for you, and I knew that... even if it was a joke to you... that I'd just want... want to feel what it was like to be _with_ you. I knew it would hurt me... but I would have gone through any pain just to hear you joke about... how I'm your 'dream guy' and saying that... I'm not the brightest crayon-"

"Sharpest..." You correct him. "but... you are my favorite color." 

Dave grabs onto your waist and pulls you up to him and into a soft, delicate kiss.

You run your hands over his cheeks as you part your lips to kiss him back.

You have to pull away to gasp on your tears. 

Dave is trying to choke his back too.

You look up at him and chuckle, he laughs along with you.

"We are both messes right now." You lightly chuckle.

"When are we not!?" Dave laughs, he uses the back of his wrist to wipe away his tears. 

Dave laughs, "you are the love of _ my _ life, we're both bound to be fucked over."

You sigh and confess, "I'd give anything for you to be happy, Dave... I'm sorry if I played with your heart..."

"We both messed up big time..." Dave swallows down some spit before saying, "I'm sorry."

You gently close your eyes and tell him, "I don't think you need to apologize to me for anything, Dave." 

Dave sighs. He still seems torn.

"Maybe..." You place your hands onto his chest as he hugs your waist, "try to forgive yourself."

Dave nods, more to himself than you. "I can... once we_ really _ start dating..."

You hum at that. Wiping, hopefully, the last tear that came from your eye.

Dave quietly hums the words, "I guess I should romance you the right way?" 

_ "mmmmhmmm." _ You hum yes as you press your cheek against his pecs. You let out an airy, comfortable, sigh. His chest is so firm.

"Take you out on dates?" Dave softly stroked your hair gently with one of his soft hands. 

"Absolutely." You rub your chest against his muscles, you hum again.

"Buy you gifts...?" Dave suggests.

"Yep." You poke at his chest lightly with one of your fingers, still resting your cheek on his pecs.

Dave lets go of you. Sliding out of his embrace, you accept it as Dave puts his hands on your shoulder. It seems like he wants you to look up at him, so you did.

"Let's do this whole thing right." Dave smiles down at you. “Start off slow.”

You smile and let out a laugh out of your nose. "That's kind of weird... are you saying that we _ shouldn't _ start a sexual relationship, when we've both got each other off several times?"

"Won't do anything till I earned it." Dave says the words with absolute certainty. 

"Really now?" You ask with just as much certainty in your tone, and a little twinge of playfulness.

_"Shit, John..."_ Dave confesses. "I'm willing to do anything for you, you treated me so good these past weeks, the next few, are for you." 

"Hmm...?" You lean in and tilt your head towards him. "You would do anything for me?"

"Yes." Dave smiles.

_"Hmmmmm.....?"_ You hum again, like you are expecting him to say something else.

"What is it?" Dave sounds confused. 

"Hm?" You give him a small, short hum.

"What do you want me to say?" Dave start chuckling again.

You keep your eyes half-lit as you smirk at him.

You ask, "why are you willing to do anything for me?"

"Because...?" Dave starts searching for the answer.

You lift up your head and give him a slow growing smile.

"Because I'm in love with you?" Dave sounds like he isn't sure that's what you're looking for.

You keep smirking at him.

Suddenly you start giggling and wrap your arms around him.

You happily shout, **"I love you, too!"**


	41. the impossible is possible

His arms are wrapped around your waist, he's so much shorter than you. 

Your heart is beating so fast, it's in your throat. You can't believe that he's in love with you... You can't believe that he's been hurting over you. John's been pulling his hair out over the little prank that he pulled. He's been sending you so many mixed messages you didn't know what to do.

When you got the first message, you weren't interested in some random guy flirting with you. You were about to tell that guy that your heart was already spoken for... that you're already twisted up over someone that probably will never see you the way that you saw him... then you noticed._ It was him. _

The moment he said sexy pen pals you froze and caved in. No one in their right mind would ever say something so furiously adorable... except for one person.

You knew John loved pranks, you knew this had to be a joke... but you wanted to date him more than anything.

Even if it was a lie. Even if it was a joke.

It was your one chance to at least pretend that the impossible was possible.

Then he started backtracking, telling you he'd rather have a mystery boyfriend then a sexy pen pal. You knew it had to be John, you knew that he'd have no idea what he was doing.

The whole affair was so awkward at points but you loved every moment of it. 

It felt like you were starting over from scratch, trying to convince John why he should date you, why he should fall for you.

Of course you just started rambling about movies about pigs for a-long-fucking-while.

You kept fumbling around, trying to poke a little fun at him, you kept hitting on him and saying suggestive shit for the fun of it. God, you kept making a fool of yourself... but John probably loves that kind of thing. That's probably how you won his heart. Making a damn fool of yourself and falling flat on your face trying to impress him. 

You know that John loves laughing over anything else. You're so lucky for that cause John just kept killing your brain and kicking you in the nuts. You were a brain dead idiot over the shit he was doing. John was getting a kick out of pretending to be - for lack of a better term- an experienced cock sucking slut. The thought of that went right to your dick from the moment John started chatting with you.

You guess you were a bit more enticed by how sexy John was making himself out to be during the first couple of days in your relationship. When you snapped him a photo of your dick you thought you could just play everything off later saying some shit like, _ "oh no, John. You finally got me, with this one! I had no idea!" _ Yeah... you probably would have been blushing too hard to actually say anything though. That, or too heartbroken.

Later on in your 'relationship'... you kept trying to sweet talk him. You told him that everything about him is perfect - which is so obviously true - then you got so flustered you had to end the conversation right then and there. 

You had to work hard to improve yourself to be good enough for him, even if it was just a joke to him. 

You started dieting at the start of your relationship too, wanting to make sure you got your six-pack back so you could show it off to John... you also wanted to show off how dedicated you were to him.

You do admit, it's kind of stupid that you wanted to get in shape just so you could show off to someone else and not because you want to get healthy yourself... but then John joined you.

The two of you actively started living healthier together, it made your heart melt that he'd start making life changes just because you were. Like you really were a couple...

You guess you always liked playing pretend, you'd take care of John whenever he was sick and tuck him in on the rare occasions where he'd get wasted. You'd get the thought in your head that you were taking care of John as his lover, as his boyfriend... the feeling was so strong because you were honestly taking care of John out of love.

You loved when he'd fall asleep on you and you'd always refuse to wake him up, no matter how much your bladder screamed at you to get up, you'd just hold still and wait for him to wake up on his own and act like you didn't care that he fell asleep on you... even though it meant the world to you.

Probably... the thing that meant the most to you is when _ Babe _started yelling at you that he hated when you talked down about yourself, then when you told John in person how sweet 'your boyfriend' is, he encouraged you more. John really did want you to have a better opinion about yourself. You'll be honest... you started thinking that John kept the whole prank running just because he wanted to throw you a bone and also... that he didn't want to break your heart.

When April Fool's Day finally came around, you thought that John was going to tell you that he was pranking you, that he would lift up his phone and start snickering about how he caught you with your pants down. (Which he really didn't need to after he pantsed you.)

You remember sighing when John was rolling on the floor, laughing about how he finally got you. You got fed up with him and asked, _ "John, seriously!?" _ John waved you off, telling you, _ "no more pranks!" _ You couldn't believe that, you thought that had to be horseshit... then he started packing everything up, telling you that he was set... You spent the rest of the day wondering if he was going to hit you with anything more... Then he messaged you as your boyfriend and you thought he was going to reveal his prank then-and-there, but then... he just started teasing you again. After that you knew for sure that it wasn't a joke. That he really was dating you for some other reason... you weren't sure if he was throwing you a bone... but you had a hope in your heart that he was doing it because... he really did want to be with you. That he wanted to be yours but he was too scared to ask and that messaging you was easier on him. So you accepted that was it, you accepted that John wanted a virtual relationship because he wasn’t ready to ask you out in person just yet. 

The day after that, John made you breakfast while he was wearing the tightest fitting clothes you've ever seen him wear. He probably didn't notice that he was giving you bedroom eyes when he looked up at you. You wanted so badly to grab onto his waist, to frantically kiss him. But you weren't sure what the fuck exactly he was trying to do. 

You thought that maybe he was trying to tease you, show off to you that you can't get him because you're dating _ your babe _over the phone. John seemed like he was playing a game of his own to entertain himself... he knew that you couldn't touch him, but clearly... he wanted your attention and fuck if he didn't have it. 

At one point in time, he spilled his drink then bent over and showed you his ass. You couldn't resist staring. You wanted to walk over and mop up the rest of the spill with his ass and those tiny little blue shorts while you grinded into his crotch, you wanted to kiss him while he moaned desperately into your mouth. You knew he wanted something like that- he must have. But you knew that John deserved to tell you what he really wanted before you just assumed. Still, apparently John must have wanted you to pull a move on him. That must have been what he was doing the whole time...

Looking back on it, you couldn’t even bring yourself to ask him out on a movie date! How were you supposed to scoot over on the couch next to John, while he was downing pixie sticks, and palm his crotch?! Why did John expect you’d do that anyway!? If he really wanted to seduce you, he should have just sat down on your lap and kissed your lips, not laugh all the time and make you your favorite meals like he always does! You guess you were glad that he was just_ lightly_ flirting with you. You'd tense up whenever John started teasing you over the phone. If he said anything like that to you out loud, it would have taken all of the air out of your lungs like a punch to the gut. You would have frozen up and probably passed out. 

Jesus Lord, John really wanted you to have it in your head that he wanted you. Mostly that he wanted your cock. He wouldn't stop making jokes about how big it is, showing you that he couldn’t stop thinking about how big you are. You have to admit... part of that confused you, you _are_ big. The kind of size that a guy who thought he didn't like cock a couple of weeks ago would be afraid of having a ride on. You’re big enough to hurt him, but also...

You thought that he’d enjoy that... hurting him...

When John drank a bottle of booze his work friends gave him and he got wasted and you took him over to his room, then he started flirting with you, literally telling you that he was horny. You let him have his fun, and tucked him in. Shortly after you got into your own bed, you heard him screaming from the other room, zapping himself and moaning loud enough for you to hear. _ "IT HURTS SO MUCH!" _You were actually trying to get some sleep, but John and your aching cock were keeping you up. _(fuckin literally up). _You were tossing and turning, even after he finished. Then, out of the blue, John opened your door. Walking in and talking to you about how good the toy in his hand was to him and that he wanted to buy more things like it. You had to cover yourself in your blankets, you were completely red. Blushing like a fucking peach. Shivering and shaking at the recent memories of John screaming as he came.

You had to sit up when John stumbled over to you, You knew that you were going to have to put him back into bed again so you collected yourself and sucked it up for his sake. John sat down right next to you. You could feel that he was drenched in sweat and hot as an iron. His breath smelt like danger, like raspberry vodka while his hair smelt like smooth sandalwood. John lifted up his violet wand and zapped your chest, you moved back at the gesture. It shocked you... but not as much as noticing that John was shirtless. You kept your eyes up at John's as you spoke with him. You wanted him to get back to his own bed, so you tried to take the wand out of his hand but he didn't want to let go. He fell onto your chest and giggled about how you dragged him closer to you...

Then he fell asleep on you.

You held him in your arms while he drunkenly snored, you felt a wave of comfort wash over you. Just a moment ago your heart was bumping up against your chest, trying to break free of your body and pierce through your sternum... and suddenly, feeling John shuffle and snort as he slept in your arms made you feel at peace. All you needed in your life was for John to be comfortable, and he looked so soothed in your arms. 

You woke up with him lying in your arms, you felt him press up against your chest. It seemed like he was sniffing you, trying to breathe in your scent. You lifted up your head and looked at John, he wasn't smelling you... he was sound asleep. You whispered _ 'okay.' _Letting John, in his dreams, know that you're not going to wake him up. You love him so much, you couldn't stomach the thought of waking him up early. 

Then John woke up shocked - or he pretended to be shocked - over how the two of you might have slept together that night. You aren't that kind of guy. He knows that. Still he asked you as Babe if you did anything... you replied honestly, you thought that John was messing around with you as a joke, like he was teasing you for his own amusement. You couldn't be sure. You couldn't tell anything with him! Sometimes he would get mad over what seemed like nothing, but which must have meant a lot to him - you knew that John wasn't the kind of guy to just blow up over _ nothing. _

John's been messing around with you so much. He completely forgot about his own birthday. You got him a few gifts, but he seemed so out of it, he didn't want to celebrate. You didn’t know what was up with him. If it was your fault. You knew it had to be. John doesn't get pissed over nothing..._right?_

You knew he hated when you spammed him with messages, but you weren't sure what other things set him off. He didn't like hearing about your boyfriend, you thought maybe that meant that he didn't like thinking about messing around with you..? You guess now he was mad because he wanted you to look at him as _himself._ And well yeah... his method of seduction came so close to working on you a few times...

He kept wearing tight clothes, showing off his body.

You had to do everything in your power to resist him.

You were sure it was all just a test. A test of endurance. 

You thought this whole thing was one big roleplay he was putting on.

He was such a hard puzzle to piece together, but you were sure you had it all figured out.

You were completely sure that John wanted you to message him, he **wanted** to be your boyfriend, and this was easier. That maybe he was scared of being with another man. Maybe he was scared of rejection. Maybe once you let him know you liked his body and his sense of humor that he was confident in really going all the way with you. He wanted to, but he was still getting used to the idea, so instead he’d just tease you - with his body, and by giggling at everything you said. You thought John would finally confess to you when he was ready... not when he was on the verge of a breakdown. John was clawing at his hair and sobbing when he confessed to you. You should have known something was wrong when he told you that you were making him feel insecure about himself over the phone. You thought that he was just worried about not being enough for you, he kept saying that he wasn't. You didn't know that he only felt that way because you didn't sleep with him.

Your thoughts are such a disorganized mess. You don't know what to think... all you know is that John loves you. He is humming at you at the moment. Smiling with tears in his eyes.

You started chuckling, the look that he's giving you is so sweet. It's making you nervous. John seems like he wants you to say something. You weren't sure what he was looking for so you just answered with what you know that you would want to hear.

"...I'm in love with you?"

John started giggling, teetering and happily cheering as he wrapped his arms around your entire body.

**“I love you too!”**

You hug John back as he swung you back and forth, gently rocking you like an ocean wave. Oceans waves that are gentle and blue, just like his eyes.

He pulled away so he could look into your cinnamon red eyes.

You lifted up a hand to rub his cheek, then you leaned down to kiss him softly on the lips.

John light giggles, the sound is as soft as the petals of a flower, as he grabs onto the back of the palm you placed to his cheek.

You don’t move when John pulls away from you.

John lightly grabs onto your arm, you aren't too sure your legs can move.

"Come on.” John keeps giggling as he tugs on you to follow him. “Let’s do it in my bed, I have fresh sheets.”

"wh-what?” You stammer. 

"You said it yourself...” You kissed his lips again. “You get it when you earned it... _ and you earned a lot.” _

John was attempting to guide you into his room, he kept pulling at your wrist for you to move - but your legs were almost too heavy to walk.

John turned his head around, “don’t make me wait!” 

John giggled and then he snorted.

Oh that’s it. You’re going down again.

Your knees are already buckling.

“What is it?!” John sounds more offended than concerned.

You let out a quiet yell,**_ “you are too cute!” _**

John gently smacked your arm, "I'm trying to seduce you! You want to get laid or do you want to stand there, yelling about how cute I am!!?"

"Can't I do both?" You chuckle as you ask.

John laughs with his mouth closed, sounding like a car engine that just broke. 

John chuckled as he told you, “come on.”

He kept giggling, laughing and humming as he pulled you along to his bed.

John started kissing you as the two of you slowly crept into his bed. John's hands felt so warm as they rubbed against your face. John pulled away, he stripped off his shirt and you took off your hoodie. John snickered once he caught a glimpse of your abs, and then he started chuckling and shaking his fists once he saw your pecs.

You bite your lip to stop yourself from chuckling, he's so excited. It's so cute.

You stripped yourself of your jeans, making a show of how you're slipping your pants down past your boxers. John sits up on his knees and starts working on pulling down his own pants. He lays down on the bed and wiggles out of his bottoms. You chuckle at the sight as you finish stepping out of your own bottoms. 

John hummed into your mouth when you started parting open his lips and rubbing his tongue with your piercing. He pulled away and let out an airy breath, _"fuck."_ You lose it. You press him down onto the bed, he wraps his arms around your torso. You start grinding your pelvis against his, helplessly rubbing the fabric of your boxers together. You can feel how hard he is, it's driving you mad. You try to shove your tongue down his throat, you aggressively kiss John as he moans into your mouth. You pull away and start panting, still grinding against him.

"You like that?" You ask as you try to catch your breath.

"Yeah-" John was smiling and laughing through his pants. "but... wait just a sec." 

You pulled away as he snaked out from in between your legs, he turned to the side and grabbed his cell off of his nightstand. He messed around with it for a few seconds. John suddenly slapped himself on the forehead. He started messing with the bottom of his night stand. He pulled out a bottle of lube and handed it to you. "Here!" Then he went back to messing with his phone.

You narrowed your brow, trying to think of why he was searching through his phone for. Suddenly, he starts playing a slow, comforting and familiar beat. 

John happily asks, "this is a song you made for me, right?”

"ye-yeah?” You say, admitting that John is your inspiration. 

"Good!" John sounds excited at that. "Is it okay if I put it on loop?”

"Sure.” You nod once, letting him know it's more than okay.

John happily hums and he sets his phone down, “I want my first time to be special.”

Your face completely tints to a light shade of red.

“So!” John sounds so excited as he clapped his hands together, “Lay down, lay down! I want to finger you.”

You shiver at the thought. John seems so excited, so happy to do so.

John watched you as you gently laid down, he was happily shaking his body from side-to-side as he swayed with the music you made just for him. This is the most irresistible he's ever been to you, seeing his lashes flutter close while he gently laughs, happily bobbing his head in tune with _ his _song.

“Okay!” John bites his bottom lip. “Now this is where the fun _ really _ starts.” John clears his throat.

He started rubbing his hands against your chest. He lightly started kissing you again.

You let out a breathy and airy sigh.

John giggles and hums simultaneously_ "mmnnnhhehehehe!" _

John slowly pulled down your boxers, John inched his face closer-and-closer. once it was loose, your entire length bounced up and smacked John in the nose, bobbing up his glasses and causing him to readjust them in order to see clearly again.

"Oh wow." John's laughter sounded so bubbly. "That was more fun than I hoped."

You watch him as he eyes your cock. 

"I've been picturing your cock smacking me in the face every day." John sounds like he's just about to start drooling. _"hahaha... It felt like a sla-ahaha-p...!"_

You blinked once. 

"Before I start fucking you," John bounced up once as he asked, "can I play around with your dick?"

"You can do anything you want to me." You sigh as you slowly blink. "You never have to ask."

"Ohh...?" John slyly looks up at you as he tilts his head slightly up, "don't you want me to ask first? Doesn't it sound cute when I ask stuff like, _'can I play with your cock?'_"

"Jesus god." You mutter under your breath. "How am I even alive right now?" 

John takes the bottle of lube and starts working it onto your cock. His hands shook as he started working you, he's just as nervous as you are about this.

"Oh my God." John quietly chimed, "You are so big."

"We'll take this slow." You want to let him know that you're going to be patient and gentle-

John just starts fiercely pumping you in a steady beat. "Is that good?"

You buck your hips on impulse. "Fu-fuck." You sighed.

John gently presses his palm against your tip and whispers, "boop."

You start laughing, still shaking from the pleasure of him touching you.

"I'm finally getting around to playing the final level of bop it!" John jokingly asks, "how do I get the best score?"

"You can do anything to me and win." Still you plead with him, "just don't twist it." 

"HAHA!" John laughed. God, you love that laugh.

_"How about I lick it instead?"_ John's voice itself sounds as warm as his gleeful smile and as seductive as... as.. him.

_ "God." _ You pull your head back into the pillow and he hasn't even started licking you yet.

John began lightly pressing the tip of his tongue against your tip.

He began by simply licking you. Fuck. The thought of him doing that alone used to make shivers trickle down your spine. Now that he's actually doing it, you don't know how you're going to survive. You already forgot how to breathe. You are panting, struggling to find air as John began running circles around your head with his tongue. He hums out a laugh when he sees that your body is turning completely red. 

"I'm-_ I'm gonna cum."_ You warn him.

"Oop!" John stops licking you. "Can't have that."

John pulls away from you completely, "it's a little too early, don't you think?"

_"I-"_ You let out a deep gust of air from your gut and blow it out. "I think so too."

"Fuck." You tell him, awkwardly chuckling. "You are so good to me." 

John smiles down at you, it's a prideful and content smile, like he's happy that he played around with you just the way you like.

You slowly sit up and look over at John. You eye his body, that's the chest that you've been jerking it to for weeks.

He's very slim and he's got a tiny waist. You fuckin love that little belly he has. Everything about him is cute, every part of him is irresistible to you. 

You lightly shove John down onto the bed. You seductively tell him, "Before we move onto fucking, let me do a little something for you..." 

John's laying down on the bed, his body looks so good. You can't resist planting gentle kisses on his stomach. John giggles, happy that you're so seduced by his torso alone. You hook your fingers into his knock-off slimer boxers and pull them down. Once his cock pops up you can't help yourself. You grab onto it with the tips of your fingers and start sucking him off with all the force you can muster.

"AH!" John moaned at the feeling of you working your tongue underneath his cock and pushing his length all the way to the back of your throat. He must love feeling your piercing drift against his shaft. You keep humming, letting him know how much you fucking want him. "Holy- holy shit!" John started wiggling, bucking his hips into the bed, trying to get his cock away from you. He's close already. You want his load but you know that John wants something more, you pull off of him.

"Whoooo!" John is damn near breathless but he's still cheering, "I came this close to cumming in your mouth!" John is almost pinching his fingers together. "You are like- like... wow! You're mouth is like... like... holy shit I can't even think of a joke!"

"Wow, if you're almost speechless it must have been _good_." Your voice is slightly hoarse from the way John's tip slide down your throat. You wear your voice as a badge of honor.

John pulled you into a kiss by grabbing your head and pulling himself up to meet your lips.

You began feeling his body up, rubbing your hands along his thighs, you could feel him tense up beneath your palm. Out of nowhere John grabs your arms and slips you over to your back. He looks around for- he found it. The bottle he handed you. He starts by putting a large glob onto his hands and pressing two fingers up to your entrance. You bite down on your lip and close your eyes as you sink your head down into John's pillows. He slips in his two fingers, you gasp at the feeling.

John is slowly pulling his fingers in and out of you. You hum and he slips in another finger. You let slip a moan when he starts working you faster.

John giggles at the sounds you're making, you fucking love that sound.

"fuck, John." You pull your head up to look at him,** "fuck me."**

John slips out his fingers, he uses the rest of the lube on his hand to start working himself.

"Ah-" He sounds like he just realized, "Should I get you a condom?"

"Fuck no." You bite down on your lips. You're planning on riding this cock for the rest of your life, you're in it for the long haul, baby.

John tells you, "Alright." He presses his tip against your entrance, slowly slipping himself into your hole. You shudder at the feeling of John slipping his entire cock into you. You instantly grab onto his back, holding onto him and panting against his neck. He's being so good to you, so slow and patient. You know that he's holding back and that he wants to take your ass for a ride.

"Fuck me." You tell him. "Don't be gentle, just fuck me."

John starts grinding into you faster. You wrap your legs around his hips and tightly wrap your arms around his neck. You pull him in closer. You want him to slam his cock into you and make you scream. John starts sucking on your neck as he picks up the pace. You moan as he starts lightly nibbling on your neck. He bites you gently as he starts forcing his cock into your hole at a violently fast pace. He slows down as quickly as he started. He's trying not to cum early, but fuck you want his load so bad. _"I want you-"_ John stopped your words by forcing his tongue into yours, he starts playing around with your tongue piercing. Licking the ball as he's pounding your ass. 

You feel like screaming into his mouth, the feeling is so fucking much. So fucking good.

You might cum before he does if you're not careful. 

He pulls away from your lips, he looks down at you as he slows down his pace. Looks like he wants this to last too. You let your hands slip from holding onto his neck to holding onto his shoulders.

John softly smiles at you as he slyly asks,

"Want to have a turn?" 


	42. What you were waiting for...

"Oh-okay." Dave lets out a shaky, hot breath onto the back of your neck as he hunches over your bottom. "I'm go-ing to go slow."

"Mhmhmm." You nervously bite down on your lip with your overbite as you lay on your stomach. You are already shaking in 90% excited anticipation and 10% fear. You've spent a while mentally preparing yourself for this as Dave actually prepared you for this. You let out a shaky breath when Dave presses his tip against your entrance. He's about to start sliding himself inside of you. You nervously hum again.

Dave started to slide himself in, as slowly as he could but it still forced a loud gasp out of your lips after he stuff in about two thick inches. Dave stopped moving, you told him "keep- keep going."

Dave stops moving again, you turn a bit around to look at him. It's a strain to turn your neck. "Is it all in?" You ask him.

Dave is looking down at his length, "uh... half..." 

You whisper to yourself, _ "ha-a-lf?" _

Dave whispers in concern, "are you okay?"

He's stretching you out so much. 

You start laughing as your eyes roll up, _ "mo-mo-re ha-than- okay-hehe." _

"uhhh." Dave still seemed a tab bit concerned. "I'm going to slide in a little more."

_ "Slam it in!" _You moan, your breath is hot and shaky with desire and pleasure. 

"No- listen." Dave assured you, "I'm not doing anything rough until you're used to it." 

You bite your lip at those words.

_ "fuck."_ You shutter.

Dave being so concerned over _ you _and you alone makes you so fucking hot.

_ "Make me take your whole cock, Dave." _

"I'll make you take another inch." Dave muttered, "Don’t get over excited."

Dave let out a shaky breath again as he continued, "I could actually hurt you."

_ "That's the hope." _ You giggle and let out a light moan as he slides himself in more, _ "ahhh." _

He slides in a slight bit more and hits you someplace that sends a wave of pleasure through your body. You yell, "That’s the spot! Right there!"

_ "Mhhh!" _You moan for Dave.**_"That felt fucking good."_ **

"Hit me there again!" You practically command him to!

Dave pulls out and pushes himself back in. He accidentally slipped in more than before, sending you into a frenzy of moans. You desperately try to take in air, the feeling is too intense. He's going to make you cum. Your eyes roll up and you grit your teeth as he pulls out and pushes himself back in again. You wrap your arms around his neck like he just did for you.

"Ah- _ Ha- _ harder!" You beg Dave, _ "please! please. I- ah- I need to cum!" _

Dave shivers, you can feel that he's on edge too, he starts working his cock inside of you with more force, still making sure not to push his entire length in. But you want it all.

"Make me your fucking bitch!" You cry out as you lift up your hips as he pushes into you. He didn't mean to, but he forced his entire cock into your ass. You scream at the feeling, yelling and moaning. He's so fucking big. Your eyes shut close as you struggle to let out a groan. You finish your load onto your stomach. Dave quickly pulls out of you and asks, "are you alright!?"

You can't bring yourself to say anything, you are fighting with your body to speak, but your lungs are trying hard to pull in air. You lift up your thumb to let him know that you're more than okay. You struggle to let out a laugh in between your breaths.

"I came- ah-" You swallowed down some spit. "So hard. just now." 

Dave sounded content with that. He laid down next to you and rested his head on your shoulder. You patted him. You were hoping that he'd get to finish too. But you're more than willing to help him once you regain your consciousness, you feel like you're actually about to die.

It took you about ten minutes to find the strength to get back up. Once you did you turned Dave onto his back, he looked up at you with questioning eyes. You lowered your lids and then smile. You brushed your hands against Dave's chest and he tensed up, _“Augh!”_ It sounds like you just hurt him! 

“What!?” You asked him, scared for his sake.

“Your hands are freezing!” Dave is shivering under your touch.

"Heh heh heh!" You laughed. 

You extended both of your fingers into a point and poke your cold hands onto his nipples.

Dave tensed up and winced.

“Hehehe!” You snicked again.

“Oh my god.” Dave sighed. "You are lucky you're so cute. You can get away with anything."

"Yep." You nod. “Ohhh! Now that we’re dating I can do sexy pranks!”

“You already set all my vibrators loose.” Dave tells you. "Like they were a pack of wild animals in cages."

“Damn," You don't like doing the same pranks twice, _‘cept for pies — those are a classic.' _

"I can't do that again.” You tell yourself as you look up at the ceiling. 

“Thank you for that." Dave breathed a sigh of relief. "I had to wash all of them after that."

You giggle at the thought of Dave actually washing his cute pink vibrator like it was a dish in your kitchen sink. You also remember that Dave told you that he used one of them for his mouth. You like the thought of Dave gagging on one—

“Oh!" You just realized that you really wanted to ask. 

"What do they feel like!?” You clasp your hands together, asking him with stars in your eyes. 

“You want to know?” Dave smiles as he asks you.

You nod your head with each, “Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!”

Dave starts to get up from bed, “I can go grab my ha-" You grab onto his arm. 

You ask him sweetly, “Where are you going?”

“To grab my wand. Didn’t you just say you wanted to try?”

“Not at the cost of you getting out of bed, right this second!'

“Well, I’ll only be gone a second.” Dave tells you.

“Noooo.” You pull him close as you protest.

Dave smiles when you tell him, “Don’t leave!”

Dave lays back down, you pull him closer.

Dave sighs as he says, “well you just came a few minutes ago anyway.”

You drag him even closer as you nuzzle your head into his chest and neck.

Dave wrapped his arms around you again and hummed. Dave's embrace feels so nice, just warm in every way. You hole feels like it's been demolished but you can ignore the pain, you are content with just holding onto him. You closed your eyes and took a deep breath and let out a sigh. You just feel so comfortable in his arms... you start lightly smelling his chest. You just now realized that you can smell Dave all you want.

You take another whiff. _“Oh yeah, that’s the stuff.” _

Dave leans down and starts smelling your hair. He breathes out, _"fuuuck."_

“It's so good, right?" You look up and ask Dave. 

"Better than those vibrators." Dave answers sweetly. 

"Oh, well, then they must not be that good after all." You joke. “But, that wand you gave me makes me feel all tingly! But I get what you mean... being with you is better than anything."

You see Dave's mouth turn into a squiggle of a line. 

"You smell just like..." Dave takes another deep whiff of your hair, trying to place the scent, "like... warm..." -Dave takes another hit- "creamy... sandalwood and..." Dave kisses your forehead as he takes another smell. "It's like home to me."

You pull away from him.

You look down at his face, your eyes half-lit.

There's no smile on your face.

That struck you in a way nothing else could.

You look down at him. You let him know with your eyes and your tone how much that struck you, 

"Once my cock isn't sore... I'm going to fuck your hole like you fuck with my heart."

Dave looked into your eyes. His lips parting open, you start kissing his lips again. They were perfectly soft, you bet yours are slightly chapped. You don't think he cares. You think he only wants to taste your lips and hold you. You're going to give him that and more than he could have ever hoped for.

You'll please him in the way that he deserves. In the way that he needs.

You slide down to his cock again. You start pulling it again, you're hands still laced with lube and sweat. You smile at him. Chuckling once you notice how bad the room smells, you don't care about that. You only care about getting Dave off. You whisper to him, "Next time, I want you to cum inside of me." 

"Same here." Dave tells you, he's struggling to keep his eyes open. 

You're working him with both hands now, and moaning for him.

He leans back and whispers, _ "fuck me. fuck. fuck me, John." _

You giggle. "Give me a few minutes and we can go another round."

"Fuck!" Dave accidentally raised his voice.

You laughed as you continued to work his cock.

"Just let me try to get that high score in the meantime." You tilt your head, "kay?"

* * *

You’ve been resting your face of Dave’s chest for hours now. You smack your lips together and yawn. The bag of frozen peas on your ass is nearly thawed and the dew like residue is getting on your sheets and in between your thighs. You need another so you try to sit up. Your whole body is aching you so you lay back down. Dave just took you for another spin an hour after you ruined his hole. You have to admit you probably went a bit too crazy, but Dave just kept screaming, _ "destroy my hole!" _and once he got close his brain practically flat-lined. He started bucking his hips and mindlessly drooling. To be honest, he’s still drooling. 

You just fucked his brains out again so he's going to be out for a while. You happily rest on his chest again. Letting him rest as long as he needs- oh damn it. His phone just went off. Dave snapped awake, snorting and smacking his lips in the process of waking up. He looks at you, noticing that you're already up. He plants a kiss on your nose and sits up. He walks over to his jeans and digs his pants out of his back pocket. Dave looked at his screen before answering. 

"Hey, Bro." Dave said as he picked up the call.

Dave sinks back into bed, lifting up the sheet so he's under the covers with you.

"Actually we aren't dating anymore. I broke up with him and started dating my roommate." Dave told his bro over the phone, "John got jealous and confessed that he had feelings for me."

"Yes, and we're in love." Dave replied to something his bro said.

Dave paused to listen to his bro for one moment, "Yes, I am an asshole. Thank you."

"Peace." Dave hung up the phone.

Dave turned to you and said, "He’s mad at me. But mostly impressed."

You scrunched up your brow and asked, "Why didn't you say that I was your boyfriend the entire time?"

"Because if he knew you were fucking with me like that, he'd fly out here and beat your ass." Dave raised his brows at you.

Dave did tell you that the guy is crazy over protective. 

"Fair point." You drop it.

You take a few moments, thinking of how to ask this, "Uh... are we ever going to say this is how we got together _or...?"_

"Save it for another day." Dave answered, kissing the top of your forehead and pulling you into another hug. 

"Yeah." You thought that was a good idea too. “I could really do without all of the questions that our friends would ask, like... what I was pretending to be like."

"Huh?" Dave asked you to clarify.

"I mean..." You tell your lover, "if they'd ask how I talked to you and how I behaved... it wasn't really _ me _."

"I don't know, babe. I-" 

"Fuck!" You cut Dave off and loudly tell him, "Don’t call me that!"

Dave sounded kind as he asked, "You don't like that nickname?" 

"fuck no!" You tell him, "_ Babe _ is the worst version of me!"

"You really don't..._ uh..." _ Dave sounds like he's searching for words, "You don't like talking like that?"

"Yeah! Babe is such a stuck up stanky asshole!" You lift up both of your hands and shake your head as you hunch forward. "He's so fake. So much so he isn't even real!"

"Hey, man I'm in love with that guy." Dave defended the guy you were pretending to be.

You angrily hum at Dave. _"hmmmph."_

"He _is _you, John." Dave reminds you.

"Yeah, but that was like an **act!**" You defend yourself, "I'm not so rude and I'm not a dick about everything!"

"Just most things then?" Dave jokes.

You narrowed your eyes at Dave. Warning him not to continue with that sentiment.

Dave backs off, smiling at you still. "I always love everything you tell me, in anyway you tell me. Even if you don't."

"Even if I'm a jerk that gets mad over everything!?" You toss up one of your hands and let it fall back down onto the bed. 

"Yep." Dave pats your chest and kisses your cheek. 

"Well! I'm not going to be like him any more. I'm going to be nicer-" Dave cuts you off.

"Wait. Him?" Dave asks.

"Yeah, he's like... so not me... that he's a different person." You try to explain. "Just a fake persona."

"Guess it's like a fucking tulpa or something." Dave sounds just as confused as you are about what it is the fuck he just said.

"Tulpa? What are you talking about?" You almost break out into laughter over that.

_"Bruh, _ I don't know, it's like a mental thing?" Dave struggles to explain, "like a... spiritual thing. I don't know shit about shit okay?"

“Then why even bring it up?” You start struggling not to laugh.

_"cause I..."_ Dave looked down and confesses to you, "I wanted to sound smart to impress you.” 

"Awwwww!" You hold him close and kiss his cheeks in every spot you can, "Sweetheart! You don't have to do that!"

"It isn't working anyway." Dave mutters.

You giggle and tell him, "We should get up. We're going to get dehydrated if we spend all day in bed. Plus we smell like sex and sweat." You want to take a rinse off.

"Five more minutes." Dave holds you closer. He doesn't want to get up. You have to admit you don't want to either but you both reek.

You pat his hand and offer him something that you'll think he'll love, "hey... wanna take a piss on me in the shower?"

Dave lifts up his head slowly, he glances down at your face and slowly shakes his head,

"Just when I thought I couldn't love you more."


	43. all yours completely

John just destroyed your ass, fucking ruined you completely. Your body, your mind, your soul. All of it is his now. John wiggled the sheet out from underneath you. John winced as he pulled out the blanket, his ass must still hurt from the last time you demolishing it. John palmed around the bed for the bag of frozen peas that you brought him after your guys’ last round. John was so fucked out that he couldn't even protest you leaving the bed. He put the bag up to his ass as he laid down next to you. John tossed up the blanket and covered you both.

You can feel John's load slip out of your ass and the remnants of your last load still smeared on your chest. John's sheets are going to be fucking ruined. Without a single care, he snuggles up next to you. He nuzzles his head into your neck again and softy lets out a sigh. A sigh that conveys how comfortable he is in your arms. You place your cheek onto the top of his head, his messy black hair softly brushes up against your face. You breathe in his gentle scent as you drift off to sleep... _sandalwood and home. _

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 

You were moving in with this guy you hardly knew, but fuck, you wanted to get out of your bro's apartment. You couldn't stomach staying there any longer. The two of you always got into fights about your own drinking habits and it only made them worse. You thought that moving out would clear your head but it didn't fucking help when you saw that your roommate was so... so... _ Ugh... _cute… 

You walked out of your bedroom, you still had a few things to unpack so boxes where everywhere. Plus, you promised you would be the one to buy a couch for the living room, so you need to get on that. Your roommate's been on your ass about that, and about you unpacking everything pronto. At least you have yesterday's leftovers in the fridge to look forward too. 

You turned to enter the kitchen and found your roommate wearing nothing but a towel.

"Hi, Dave!" John waved at you.

_ 'Jesus Christ.' _ He wasn't wearing a shirt and he looked so fucking happy to see that you were up. John noticed that you were staring, _ 'Shit.' _

"Oh, this?" John looked down at his towel. He looked up at you and then trailed off, "My clothes got dirty, so I just put everything that was in the hamper in the washer, then I figured since I reek right now I’d go take a shower."

"What?" You ask, "With the clothes in there?"

"W-what?" John cocked his head to the side, like he didn't know what you were talking about. 

"The clothes are in the shower, aren't they?" You repeated your question. 

"ww-" He made a face like he has no idea what the fuck you are talking about. "-wwwhaaaat?!" 

"You said the clothes are in the shower." You lightly gestured towards the bathroom.

"I said... washer?" John lifted up a finger as he answered.

"Yeah, exactly." You nodded.

"What the fuck are you- oh, I get it." John nodded like he was accepting something you weren't understanding, "Haha. Good one, you got me."

"No. No. I'm not joking with you." You asked him, "John. Where are the clothes right now?" 

"In the washer! Listen- how long is this going to go on for because I-"

"Okay. So the clothes are **in the shower." **You nod with each exaggerated word you say. 

"Do you think that the washer and the shower are the same thing? Like, for real?" John asked you, slightly laughing, as if he was in shock.

"Well, what are you talking about then?" You ask him.

"Come here." John gestured you over to the room right next to the kitchen.

He then pointed into the small closet with the two giant white boxes.

"That's what that thing is for?" You sounded as stunned as you felt, "I- _ wow. _"

"You didn't know that?" John raised his brow.

"No." You shook your head as you looked at the box thump up and down, "so... you don't have to leave them in the shower? That is so dope."

"What the fuck?" John started cracking up. "Who raised you!?"

You smiled as John started laughing, pounding his fist into his knee as he hunched over.

John took a few moments to settle back down again, then he left to use the _ washer. _

After John finished his shower, he came to you again.

John just sat down beside you at the kitchen island, turning on his stool to face you. You looked at him, noticing that his shirt was wet. Sticking to his body. You just chose to focus on his eyes instead of the gray fabric laced with cool water, pressing up against his chest and-

"Listen..." The tone of voice that John just used snapped you back into focus.

He sounded so calm and... nurturing? Concerned almost. No one ever talked to you like that, you thought that was something people only did in movies.

"I'm sorry that I was laughing earlier..." John looked solemn as he said, "I thought about it and... Well I thought I should apologize."

"You're sorry?" You slightly shake your head as you ask, "For what?" 

"I laughed when you thought that clothes were washed in the shower... and it just made me think that maybe... you didn't have the... best upbringing." John quickly lifted up his hands and said, "Not that I want to imply anything! Just I-"

"Nah. You're right." You confess, "It was just me and my bro, and he more or less just gave me food and a roof under my head and everything else was all me."

"You raised yourself?" John asked. You couldn't tell what that tone was - he sounded cheerful but also concerned at the same time.

"Yeah." You just nodded.

"Hah." He laughed as if he was impressed or surprised, you couldn’t ever tell with him.

"I'm... uh... I'm still sorry though, Dave." John apologized again. "I really shouldn't have laughed."

"You're fine, man." You console him. It was the first time anyone ever seemed like... they actually cared. 

. . .

You got up earlier than you usually do. You heard John messing with the pots in the kitchen next to your room and it woke you up. You got out of bed in your sweatpants and slipped on a shirt. Once you left your room, John greeted you.

"Morning!" He sounded overly cheerful for some reason. 

"Morning." You looked at him like he was crazy, it was, like, 7 a.m. and he was awake.

"Hey! What do you usually eat for breakfast?" John asked you with a grin.

"Cereal." You weren't even sure you had any in the house but that answers his question. 

"Everyday?" He made a strange face, almost like he was pouting. 

"Yeah...?" You answered him. 

"Oh no. You should really eat healthier." John asks you, "I was going to whip up a few omelettes, do you think you'd like that?"

"I'll eat whatever you make." 

"Cool!" John smiled at you, "and then you can finally get on to completing the unpacking as a favor to me! I'd like to step foot in my own house without tripping on boxes, thank you very much."

You chuckled at that comment and took a seat at the island, watching him cook and then making plans in your head to finish unpacking after John cooks you breakfast. 

. . .

The both of you were sitting down on the sofa that you just purchased. You had just finished getting the rest of the place in order when John sprung a pretty strange question on you. 

"What's your type?" 

"Huh?" You looked over at John, questioning if he means what you think he means.

"I was chatting with a friend online and he told me every guy has a type." John shrugged. "I was like, 'I don't' but he didn't buy it." 

John looked over at the side of the room as he told to you, "I just said to him, I'd rather get to know someone first. He told me I should come up with something and get back to him on it... So it made me think to ask you."

"Uh... I don't know." You shrugged. 

"Come on, there has to be something we can work with..." John asked. "What's your celebrity crush?" 

"Uh... no one." 

John whined, "Come on! There has to be a type of girl you like!" 

You knew he was talking about girls. You knew he was, you just tried not to think about it.

"I'm not interested in women." You tell him the truth. 

"I know! You told me you're not looking to date right now, but when you are... what do you think you would look for?" John took the comment like you're not interested in dating. You suppose that's for the best. You don't know how he'd react to finding out you... you like men.

You sigh as you confess, "I've never been with anyone." 

"Not ever?" John cocks his head to the side as he sings the word in a high-pitched voice, like a songbird. 

"No." You repeat yourself.

"Me neither." He smiled at you.

You smile at him.

"Twinsies." John joked as he sung the words.

You started chuckling. 

. . .

"Oh!" John was at the stove, happy to see that you were home. "I made something for you!"

Once you got into the hall of your apartment you could smell some strong, pungent scent. And once you opened the door to your apartment, you felt a wave of spice smack your in the face and violate your nostrils. You kept your cool, just casually strolling in. Trying hard not to wheeze or cough. Also breathe, the air is basically poison right now. 

"I know that you like spicy food!" John smiled at you as he stirred something red and simmering in a large pot. "I'm trying to learn how to cook, so I thought I'd try to make you curry! I figured that you could eat it all yourself, seeing that you love pigging out!"

"Awesome." You nodded. You do love pigging out, but you feel a pit of dread seep into your gut.

"It's just about finished!" John happily told you. "I made rice already too, I'll make you a bowl!"

He seems so happy that he made you something. No one has ever made a meal for you and just you before, not even your bro. You know that John doesn't like stuff like this and probably wouldn't eat it, so when he sat down beside you, you felt a bit confused.

"I want to see if you like it." John answered your puzzled expression.

"’Kay." You nodded, looking down at the bowl he placed in front of you.

You took a spoonful, you blew on it. 

You put it up to your lips and ate a bite.

It was like biting into a million ghost peppers at once. Like a nuke just fired off in your mouth. Your taste buds were wailing in pain. Your eyes were watering. Your whole face was stinging with red hot suffering. You swallowed it down.

John asked you, "so how do you like it?"

You tried to sound as cavalier as possible. "hmm?"

"Do you think it's good?" John restated the question.

You told him through tears, "It's... It's really good." 

John smiled. He pointed out, "you are sweating! It must be spicy to even you!"

"Yeah, only a little." You shrug.

"Oh, wow!" John looked impressed. "I don't think I could eat something like that!"

"Ha." You laughed it off. "Well, it's not that spicy."

"Says the guy who’s sweating." John gave you a big bright grin as he laughed.

You looked down at the bowl. The damn thing was huge but at least half of it was white rice.

You can get through this. 

You keep eating it. Shoveling it down as fast as you can, like a contestant on a game show. 

"Wow!" John clasped his hands together as he watched you. "You really like it!"

John laughed. He sounded so proud. So happy with what he made you.

You weren't about to tell your roommate that what he made as inedible. You need to just suck it up and get through this. But your eyes feel like they are boiling. Your tongue feels like it's already dead. Your stomach is aching and screaming at you to stop.

You can't give in. You have to finish this. 

All of a sudden. Your stomach loses the fight for you.

John looks at you with wide eyes. He blows a raspberry, and starts howling with laughter. 

You just shit your pants... in front of your roommate. 

Your roommate you were trying to impress. 

. . .

You yawned and scratched your back as you walked out of your room. It was another late night of making music online and you were heading out for a glass of water- You didn't even know what hit you. John just slammed a pie in your face. 

John started cracking up, laughing at you. 

You pulled the tin off of your face and started licking your lips. You could smell the scent of heat from the oven. John must have made this himself once he got up for the morning. 

He was pretty good at baking, so you let him know,

"This is really good."

"UGH!" John looked annoyed at you.

"This is supposed to be like a prank, Dave." John tells you. "You're supposed to be like, '_ oh no, John! It got in my hair! Oh, you got me good!' _ Something like that."

"So like. I should hate this?" You ask him.

"No. Not hate it. Like... just that you're annoyed at it. Like how you feel when someone says a bad pun." John tells you. "I don't want you to hate my pranks."

"Well, this I like." You tell him. "So..."

"AUGH!" John lifts up his hands, "You're supposed to find it annoying! You are covered in coconut cream!"

"I was going to take a shower anyway." You chuckle. "Sorry, I don't find you annoying."

"Not me! Just the prank- you know what?" John bows his head in defeat. "You win this round."

John lifts up his head and points at you as he walks away, "But can you win the war, poopypants?"

You smile and laugh. He's so fuckin weird. 

. . .

Your bro called you almost an hour ago. It's only been two months since you left home and he keeps doing this to you. He's hardly been saying anything, Just typing on his computer while you dick around by playing tetris.

He called you, but he's still acting like he's too busy to talk to you right now, you know that he just wants to feel like you're with him. He misses you.

You sigh. "My roommate is probably going to be coming home soon so-"

"So?" He asks you. "What does it matter?"

"So..." You tell your bro, "I'm going to go."

"Tell me about your roommate." Your bro asks you the same question he always does. 

"I've already told you he's cool, that's all you need to know."

"Ah. That's all I needed to hear." Sounds like he just wanted to know that you're happy with him.

"Good." You answer, rubbing your face. Preparing yourself for the conversation to turn sour...

"You meet any other nice guys?"

There it is. Of course he was going to ask you that.

"The guy behind the counter at subway smiled at me, scored big today." You joke.

"Dave." He says your name flatly, dry and without any care in his tone.

"I'm not interested in seeing anyone right now, okay?" You blow him off. "I'm doing my own thing right now."

"Sure." He sounds like he's not buying that shit.

You hear someone trying to unlock the door, it's got to be John. 

"Listen, I'm gonna go." You tell your bro.

"No. let me talk to-" You hang up on your bro before he finishes his sentence.

You pocket your phone and continue resting on the couch as John walked in.

"Hi, Dave!" John smiled at you.

"Hey, man." You waved at him, paying him a small smile of your own.

Your phone started ringing again. You were just about to decline the call when John asked you, "aren't you gonna pick up?"

You sigh. You drag out your phone from your pocket and answer the call. "Sorry, I-"

"Ah! Da-_ AHH _ -ve!" John yells, _ "Harder! Harder! AH! AH! OH MY GOD!" _

Your face turns completely, one hundred percent, fucking red.

_"Dave! Mhh! You're so big! AhhHH- _**HAHahaha!**" John's fake moaning quickly turned into laughter. 

John pointed at you, "Oh My God! You are so red!"

"It's not funny!" You yelled at him, "It's my bro on the phone! You fucker-!"

"Hi!" John called out to him, he took your phone out of your hand and started chatting with him. "Dave's never let me talk to _ you _ before!"

You stood up, just about ready to wrestle the phone out of his hand. He didn't know shit about boundaries, just like your bro. 

John nodded and hummed to something your bro said on the other line. "Yeah. Dave has been so good around the house. No. He never makes a mess that he doesn't clean."

John paused for a moment to listen to your bro over the phone. John laughed. "Oh no, I'm actually his boyfriend. Sorry you heard that a few seconds ago, Dave just can't keep his hands off me. Oh! hey! Do you know what Dave's type is? He won't tell me."

You swipe your phone out of his hands. You hear your bro reply, "mouthy nerds apparently."

You hang up on him.

"Hey!" John seems slightly irked by what you just did. "That was rude!"

"You're saying that? After what you just did?" You don't even put up much of a fight, you know there's hardly any point in arguing with John. You are never up for it. 

"I was only having a little fun." John shrugs. "You should try it." 

"Yeah well..." You sigh as you say, "your version of fun is always twisted." 

"What?" John looks at you like you insulted him, which fair is fair... you did. "Are you talking about my pranks? How are they twisted?!"

"You go ham on your pranks, dude." You tell him.

"I go ham so I can try to get you, Mr. Unprankable!" John tsks at you. "But not to the point it's twisted!"

"What about a month ago? When you set out a water pitcher during dinner and then you put like three goldfish inside. I almost drank one!" You gesture with your hands how nuts that joke was. "How about that, John?" 

"Okay," John pointed at you with very little confidence in his voice, "you would notice if a goldfish **that fat** crossed your lips." 

"I had to keep them in my room so they could be safe from you." You point back at him, lightly laughing just so he knows you're playing around with him now. You let them live out the rest of their lives in peace on your dresser.

John scoffed at you, "I wouldn't do anything horrible to an animal." John shrugged. "So I don't think that my pranks are _ that _ bad."

You point out, "you released crickets in my car once. Some of them died there." 

"Crickets people get to feed to their lizards...?" John awkwardly chuckled. 

"Walking it back, huh?" You cross your arms. 

"Okay..." John let out a slight laugh. "But, when do my pranks ever hurt _ people?" _

"You scar people mentally." 

"Okay! Alright!" John rolled his eyes, "I thought that sneaking into your room and wearing a mask to scare you awake was a weak prank that _ you wouldn't even fall for _ . I didn't expect that you'd _ punch me in the gut _and then freak out about it." John hunched forward as he let out a subtle sigh. "I'm sorry I made you upset over sneaking up on you."

"I was upset because I hurt **you.**" You confess.

"Aww..." John thought that was sweet. "Well, whatever! If I get hurt it doesn't really count. -And as if that even scarred you." John brushed one of the lowest points of your life off like it didn't even matter. "I don't think my pranks are bad."

"Moaning into my bro's ear isn't bad?" You raise your brows.

"Who wouldn't want that from me?" John jokingly raised his brows too. You quickly lowered yours in response. John laughed at you and asked you another question,

"Name a prank where I pushed the line too far." John tittered. "I bet you can't."

"What about the time you put a cantaloupe in the toilet?" 

"Okay! I admit. I went a bit too far with that one." John laughed. "I'm sorry if I mentally scarred you because you couldn't shit" -John snickered- "in the toilet."

John lost it completely. He's howling with laughter at the thought of you shitting in the trash bin in the bathroom.

"Why does this- HAHA!- keep happening to you?!" John started choking, remembering how you shat your pants in the kitchen. He still finds it hilarious despite how horrible that moment was for you.

You can't let him see you slip though. You can't let him break your stride. That isn't your way.

You just suck it up, and let him lose his shit over you losing your shit. 

. . .

You were sitting on your couch. Resting and chilling next to your roommate.

John was watching a comedy special, he seemed to love that kinda thing. 

You were more focused on your phone than anything else. 

John bursted out laughing at something he heard on the screen. 

You look over at your roommate sitting inches apart from you.

He was grinning but he paid you a fresh smile once he saw you were looking at him.

He let out a small laugh, his smile was so big that his eyes were nearly shut.

You looked at his face. His adorable overbite. His rectangular black glasses, perfectly framing his ocean blue eyes. 

It all hit you like a truck. 

You wanted to jump up and run over, kiss him, hold him, let him take you completely.

You look back down at your phone, rushing to calm your mind with any distraction your could find. Nothing. There was nothing that could quell your mind. You just sat there for what felt like hours, trying your best not to look at John out of fear the feeling would come back.

"Hey, Dave?" John asked for your attention. 

You hummed, you didn't look up from your phone.

"I'm going to make breakfast for dinner cause I think the milks’ going bad and we have a fuck ton of eggs." He sounds so sweet as he says, "sound good?"

"Oh yeah. Cool."

"Good!" John smiles and then sings, _ "Cause I'm making your favorite!" _

You try not to curl up into yourself. He sounds so excited to announce he's making _ your _ favorite. He wants to make _ you _happy. 

"Thanks, man."

_ "No problem. Dude." _ He exaggerated his tone to make fun of you.

He's so funny when he acts so dumb.

He's so cute when he's trying to get you to laugh.

He's so kind when he does anything to make you smile.

He's so brash. He's so patient.

He's so hot headed. He's so optimistic. 

He's so perfect.

He's always been perfect.

You think for a moment that-

You can't admit it to yourself. 

You push the feeling down.

You stand up, you walk over and you apologize for kinda ignoring him.

"I'm sorry, I was messaging someone..." You lie to save yourself. "I didn't mean to blow you off -Hey, can I help?"

. . .

John fell asleep on you again.

The two of you are resting on the couch, he's tired from work.

Usually he just lays down on your shoulder... 

He was just a moment ago, he slipped a bit and you caught him with both of your hands.

He's laying down in your arms now, resting his head on your chest.

_ 'Oh no. Oh _ ** _God_ ** _ no.' _

You've got that feeling again. 

That aching feeling that you want to bring him even closer to you.

God, you almost feel like crying.

This is your best friend in your arms. 

You want him.

You want to keep holding onto him and brush his bangs out of his face while you kiss his sweet nose and-

**Jesus.**

**This pain is horrible. **

You feel so twisted up.

You just wanted a friend. 

You just wanted someone close to you that you could hang out with.

Rose lived in another state and all of the online friends you have didn't live relatively close... and you don't really have any real life friends of your own. Just the people that... John knows.

You love spending time with John so much. You don't want to ruin that...

The thought comes back. You push it down. It's fucking stupid. It's so fucking dumb.

. . .

"Oh! Dave!" John sounds so excited to see you, just like always. "Morning, Dave!"

God, you love it when he calls your name. It... It’s great having a friend that is always so happy to see you.

John grins up at you and practically yells, "You’re up!"

You look down at your crotch as a joke. John starts laughing.

"Get over here! I want to show you this!" John calls you over to the couch.

You sit down beside him as he shows you his phone.

"Look at these!" John points at the screen. It's a few pics in an article about some actress. "Liv Tyler is going to be filming a few scenes in a movie around here!"

"Huh... okay?"

"Okay!? Okay!? Dave do you know what you're_ okaying!?" _

"A B list celebrity?"

John gasps and mumbles in a strange voice, _ "She means so much to me, Dave." _

"Is she like... your celebrity crush?" You joke.

"Yeah!" John grins. "She's like... the hottest since I was a kid."

"Really...?" You glance away from him. Not even bothering to look at his phone anymore.

"You don't have to blow me off completely, just be honest that you don't care when I show you things." John pouted.

"It's not that I don't care about the shit you show me, ‘kay. I love the memes you show me." You defend yourself, "I just don't really care about celebrities."

"If you don't care, that's fine." John tells you. "I'm still going to try to see her!"

A pain swells up in your chest, swelling and pumping in time with your heart.

It's so draining. Thinking about how John idolizes a woman he's never met.

You try to push the feeling of dread out of your soul.

. . .

You were outside on the porch, looking outside at the lake, thinking that might help soothe your soul. Lately you've been feeling messed up in the head. Like that's anything new... well, now something else is wrong with you. You aren't sure what. You just know that you've been feeling like shit, and under the weather. Like shit washing away under the weather. 

"Eek!" John made some loud squeak inside.

That sound sends a shiver down your spine and right to your-- '_Fuck.'_ You've got to ignore the feeling. You need to see what made John so upset. You get up from the porch chair, peek your head inside and ask him. "What is it?"

"A spider!" John pointed at the wall. He's sitting on the sofa and pulling his legs up to his chest in fear. 

The thing wasn't even that big, it's -maybe- the size of a bottle cap.

"It's just a spider, man." You shrug it off.

"Kill it!" John tosses his empty soda bottle across the couch and towards the wall.

He tossed it so lightly that it fell to the floor half way between the sofa and the spider.

You leisurely walk up to the wall, scooping the spider with your hand, placing your fingers underneath its back legs first, and it lets you scoop it up into your hand. It doesn't move, so you know it doesn't seem scared of you. You walk over to John to show him.

"Here." You hold the spider out for him to see, "Look at it."

"Get that thing away from me!" John fidgeted as he turned away from you. smacking the air and telling you, "No!"

"Okay. Okay." You walk over to the porch with the spider in your hand and gently place it down on the ground. It can take care of itself from here. You step back in, closing the door behind you. You see that John is looking at you like he's just witnessed some-hard-traumatizing shit.

"You... You didn't kill it." He didn't even phrase that like a question. 

"It eats the mosquitoes." You point out, "little guys been doing us a favor. Why would I kill it?"

"Huh... wow..." John scratches the back of his hand. "I guess, uh... I overreacted, then you um... that was... really... cool."

"Cool?" You get that you naturally are, but why are you cool specifically for saving a spider? 

"You were like... one of those animal experts on TV." John lightly laughs, "walking up with a spider in hand like it wasn't shit to you."

John looks down at the floor as he scratches his arm, "I guess you're braver than I am."

"Man, don't worry about it. If there's another spider, I'll get it for you."

"Really?" John asks you. "Thanks, I just can't stand the things for some reason." 

"Well, you aren't going to have any trouble as long as I'm here." You just realize how the words that poured out of your mouth sound. You look over at John, bundled up... you just noticed that he was wearing your jacket for whatever reason. You just took out a spider that scared him.

The two of you... seem almost like a couple.

The thought is back. It's such a persistent thought, the way it invades your mind is damn near violent. You push it down. You force it down. But it's getting harder and harder each day. 

. . .

You are faced down in the toilet, you fell asleep like that again. You just fell into another backslide. You thought you were doing fine. But you just got the urge to get a bottle of tequila from the store and sneak it into your room. You wanted to get fucked up. Shit faced. Now that's really true. You are faced down... in a toilet. Shit faced. 

You don't even remember rushing into the bathroom last night. You finally pull yourself out of the bowl. You sit up. You heard something hard scraping against the tile floor. There is an empty bottle glass right next to you. You stuff it into the small trash bin next to the toilet. You can take it out later. You smack your lips together as you settle back down on the floor. You're going to have to brush your teeth. Your mouth tastes like shit. 

You look over at the mirror, your eyes are bloodshot. There's purple rings under your eyes. Your head is stinging you, but it's nothing you can't handle. You brush your teeth, hunched over the sink. You rhythmically and slowly pull your toothbrush back and forth. Your reflection looks as miserable as you feel. You are just going to creep back into bed and hope that John doesn't catch you.

Once you step out you are immediately met with a voice you were dreading to hear,

“Dave? Are you okay?” He got off of the couch and walked towards you.

“Yeah." You turn to John and tell him, "I’m fine.”

“You’ve been in the bathroom for hours and you smell like- you smell like vomit!" John sounded upset. "I can smell the booze on your breath!” 

“Uh... I guess I went a bit overboard again.” You rubbed the back of your neck with your palm. Scratching and scraping at the hairs on the back of your neck. Fidgeting out of shame.

“Get over here. Come on.” John grabbed your other hand and started dragging you into the living room.

“What?” You asked him as he dragged you along with him.

“Come on.” John sat you down on the sofa.

“What are you...?” You stop talking once John sits down beside you, his knee was brushed up against yours.

John wraps his arms around you. “You don’t need to drink. You just need to cry. So come on.”

You grab onto his arm.

"It's okay." John tells you. "You'll be okay."

He cares so much about you...

He honestly wants... what’s best for you.

You feel your face tighten, your eyes are already watering.

John cares for you so much... you can’t keep your emotions in check any more, you can’t pretend to be fine or cool when you just spent last night face down in a toilet bowl.

John is rubbing the sides of your arms. You slowly wrap your arms around John and instantly start bawling into his collar. John is shushing you, telling you that “you’re going to be okay, even if you aren’t right now.”

You want to tell him, you want to tell him how much you appreciate him.

How good he is to you.

How sorry you are about this. 

How sorry you are to put dealing with you on his plate....

But you can't.

Still, you don't want to put this on him again. You won't. You won't let him catch you again.

. . .

John wanted you to go on a walk with him outside, he thought that you needed air to clear your head. He'd always suggest things for you to do, like cleaning your room and making sure you drink enough water. It was small, but you guess it did help you. You figured that going on a walk with him couldn't hurt. If it would clear your head then maybe moving around would do you some good.

John pointed out a record shop next to a doughnut place, he seemed to think it was funny enough to snort at. That donuts and records are both shaped the same. You laughed almost with him, his laugh was contagious, so was his smile. You couldn't help it. You had to smile back at him. His smile grew even bigger when he saw that you looked happy. You had to turn your head. You couldn't look at him when he looked so happy for you.

You quickly looked around, trying to spot something to point out as a reason for why you weren't looking at him. There were two dogs across the street, a big golden dog and a black lab. John got more than excited to see them, he took your hand and looked both ways before jaywalking across the street. He walked up to the owner and asked if he could pet them both.

The owner let John have at it, the dog's owner was standing there waiting on their friend to come out of a bakery. John started scratching both of the dogs behind the ears at the same time. John began scratching underneath both of their chins and looking at their collars to learn their names.

"Come on, Dave!" John called to you, "Join me!"

You leaned down a hand and gently stroked the golden one's back, it's coat was soft but oily at the same time. You couldn't see why John was so pumped to see these two dogs for. All they did was pant and lick John's face. John loved every second of it, he kissed the dogs back and made kissing noises at them to get them to lick him again.

Once John was done, his hair was slightly swept to the side from all of the kisses he got. You laughed at the sight. John thought it was funny too. He chuckled and offered you up something to get as a snack. You looked at him as you walked, staring at his bright smile. 

The thoughts been in your mind all day. It's getting harder to ignore. Still you, do. You have to press them down.

. . .

John was sucking on a fudgesicle. He loved eating shit food just as much as you did. But you didn't slurp up ice cream like it was... was a... wow... his tongue is just working that thing. He's lapping up all of the melting ice cream drippings like they are... like it's... _haha._ Now, he's finally working on actually sucking it again. He's pulling it slowing in-and-out of his lips. _ 'Shit!' _ He just noticed that you were staring! He was staring right at you. He slurped it as he slipped the fudge pop out of his mouth. He fully turned towards you and joked. "You like what you see?"

You joked back, "You really can work that thing."

"Oh yeah!" John giggled. "I am, like, the most elite at blow jobs. Ranked top 20 on the east coast."

"Really? By who?"

"There are boards online." John made up a fake answer for the fun of it. "All of the guys who got their cocks sucked by me add in a good word. It's like a ranking system." 

"You sucked off that many guys?" You smile at him, the thought of John being a cock slut is fucking with your mind right now. Plus, you can't deny how good John looks, especially with a cock shaped pop in his mouth. He continued to pretend to suck cock. He closed his eyes and hummed like a slut. He suddenly snorted and started laughing.

You started laughing too. Pressing your hand to his knee, keeping it there. 

You felt a sinking fear in your gut. 

John seemed especially dangerous to you right now.

With a laugh like his, he could drive a man to ask some pretty stupid fucking things.

You almost whisper as you joke, "I bet that I can give a better BJ than even _you_." 

"Well, catch up! Go out there and start sucking cock ‘till you get on the board." John happily laughed, tittering like he loved that you were in on the joke.

"I don't need the internet to validate me... just you."

"Oh!" John joked. "Then grab a pop and show me your technique."

"Ha. Sure."

There wasn't any fudgesicles in the fridge, so instead you grabbed one of your own cherry pops.

You sat down next to John and just like before, you place your hand on his knee again. 

You loved stuffing a vibrator down your throat while you rode a bigger one -getting spit roasted is like a pipe dream of yours, but anyway- you are prepared to show John just how great you are at _actually_ sucking cock. You stuff the pop down your throat and show off to him how deep you can take it. You pinch the wooden stick between your fingers while you down the pop. You pull it out, you start licking the tip and teasing it like you'd tease John's cock. You kiss the tip and then look over at John. 

"How bout it?" You ask him. "You want a taste yourself?"

"Oh!" John smiled. "Sure! What flavor is it?!"

"Oh..." You sound as disappointed as you feel. "It's cherry."

"It's always cherry with you!" John pressed a hand up to your chest and lightly pushed you back.

You had to stop yourself from screaming into your closed mouth. He's playing around with you, just having fun. Pretending to suck cock and leaning over to the pop you're holding.

John happily took a lick of your red pop, pretending to lick it like it was a cock.

You tense up. Seeing John's tongue trace the outline of the pop you just deep-throated, he's slowly pulling his head up. He happily cheers, "I think it sucks!"

"Right." You put it up to your lips and lick the tip. "That's fine. You don't have to like what I like... but... I'm glad you tried it... maybe you'd like to try... something else I like?"

"What Dave?" John asked, you light rub his knee. If this fails you can always play if off like a joke.

"Letting me go down on you like you just went down on that fudge pop."

John looked into your eyes, like he was taken back for a moment. He pressed his lips together and in no time at all... he was face down on the floor, laughing. Practically screeching at the thought. You started laughing too. Forcing out a laugh so hard. That's why a tear came out of your eye. The thought was just that fucking funny.

. . .

John played such a stupid prank on you, he found out that you like men by signing you up for a gay porn site. He found out your email is already in use and brought it up to you. You blew it off, like the fact you're into men isn't a big deal and that's why you never told him upfront. You carefully leave out the part that you haven't watched anything on that site since they started featuring works from your Bro. John seemed like he was happy about you being gay, he was eager to know more for some odd reason. You pushed down any hope you have in your head for him having any interest in you. You aren't going to wish for the obviously impossible.

John sat down on the couch next to you while you were watching something on Hulu, thinking it would be a good time to ask you something.

"Now that I know you're into guys, I want to ask something really weird." 

"How... how weird?" You ask him, already liking the tone of voice he's using.

"When you look at your own dick, do you get turned on?" John genuinely asked. 

"Oh." You guess the question is funny coming from John, so you laugh and automatically hit him with, "I do, but only because my cock is so big."

John wheezed and let out a loud caw of a laugh, ** _"HAHAAAA!" _ **

You smile. You love that laugh to bits.

"What kind of guys do you like then!?" John seemed enthralled to ask you.

"Why you asking? You interested?"

John shoves you, "I already know you're out of my league." He jokes.

You feel like clasping at your heart at that, even if it is just a joke.

John just keeps laughing. "I just wanna know!" 

"There!" John points at the TV, there's some athletic Olympic runner, the filming is in black and white and he's pouring a sports drink on himself. John asks you. "Is that guy your type?"

"No." You flatly state.

"What? Then what is?!" John seems upset that you aren't giving him an answer.

"Uh- I don't know. Why don't I ask you what's your type?"

John gives you a look, telling you what he's going to say next is going to be a heavy hitter,

"You don't want to know the kind of porn I watch."

Your brain goes on autopilot, "Jesus. Now I need to know." You sound almost too excited at that, so you try to save yourself. "You like hardcore shit?!"

"Dave! Why- why does this have to be about sex? Let's just talk about the kind of guy you want _ to date!" _

"You’re the one who brought porn up!" You laugh.

"Jesus, I'm ending this conversation before it gets any worse." John sat up. It seems like you just offended him.

"Sorry, man." You apologize. 

"No, it's fine. I have to make dinner anyway."

You watch John walk away. 

You feel a bit of shame on your part.

You made things more awkward than they needed to be. Like always.

. . .

You thought about contacting Rose after you embarrassed yourself by suggesting that you think that glasses were hot. John just started making fun of you for jacking off to the concept of glasses and not the hot guys who wear them.

The pain in your chest was killing you...

Hurting you so badly that it was driving you to actually talk to your only childhood friend.

You cave in and message her.

So... you are actually confessing to me...

That you like John?

fine

fuck

yes

okay 

you happy?

More than happy.

just tell me what to do

I would say, the best course of action is to confess you're starting to feel something for him.

Even if he doesn't feel the same, he'll respect your honesty.

rose

listen to yourself

you fucking lunatic

i cant confess jack shit

i shouldnt have even told you i like him

You didn't have to. I already knew.

what

how?

"uhhh... rose... you wont guess what john told me today"

"john said he was going to dress up as a ghostbuster for halloween like he does every year"

"get that rose"

"john likes comedies"

"duh... did you know that rose?"

okay

stop

hes like my only friend in rl 

give me a break

rose

rose?

"he asked me to teach him about how to stay safe in the city"

"im worried if he feels unsafe"

the fuck?

I just copied and pasted our last conversation to prove a point.

ok

i was concerned about his safety

like a decent human being

you ever try doing something like that?

you ever try being concerned for others?

I have.

I just never saw you do it before you met him.

jesus

I think you're affliction towards him is wonderful, Dave.

He actively makes you a better person.

JESUS

I think that the best thing you can do is be honest with him.

Just like you're honest with yourself.

i think im suppressing a lot of things

a lot of things that you seem love drumming up

And yet you came to talk to me about this.

because theres no one else

You have other friends now.

not like you

Alright.

You win.

I'll actually help you.

good

how

I'll start by listening to you.

* * *

You started telling her about all of the things John does that puts your mind in a complete tailspin.

You confess to her that John fucks with your mind with every word that he says, that each time he smiles it's like he's carving his way through the wall you put up and slowly chipping through into your heart.

You don't know when this started, you always thought that John was... cute. But you don't know why you are so fucked in the head over him. All he does is laugh and make you meals...

And also pick you up when you're low. He makes sure that you take care of yourself.

He asks you how your day was, even when he knows you did next to nothing.

He makes sure that you're happy, and if you aren't, he does anything that he can to get you to smile. 

You just... don't know why that is hitting you so hard right now.

* * *

You have been interested in John longer than I think you realize.

That was my prior point ergo this conversation.

Anyway,

I'm surprised that your brain has finally caught up with your... 

ok dont say it

I gave you the opportunity to stop me out of fairness.

thank you

Now, look at that! I'm a decent human being.

was that so hard?

Oh God. It really was a challenge. 

for you it must be as hard as driving over a speed bump

:)

Alright, flattery is working, Strider.

I think you should say the same sort of things to John and he'd fall for you quicker than you can say "John Strider-Egbert."

i say flattering shit like that all the time

John Strider-Egbert? Where, in a journal or in your dreams?

i meant that i say shit like "john you are such a good cook" and "you are so fuckin funny man" all the time

i dont say shit about insane pipe dreams like getting a straight guy to fall for me

instead of that im just over here

sending out positive vibes to let him know that i appreciate him

i tell him that hes cool 

shit like that

not that i dream about making our life together a permanent fixture so late into the night that its morning and i hear him messing with pots and pans to make us both breakfast and i picture him making me pancakes shaped like hearts for our anniversary dreams that keep me so paralyzed in bed that i cant even get up when he calls me because i dont want to stop picturing john calling me like im his lazy husband who just got back from a hard days work bringing home the bacon so i could buy him the new flatscreen hes been drilling into my head that he wants me to buy for him

cause i dont

ive never thought about that

not even once

Okay...

Well... back to the matter at hand.

Try saying things that bros do not usually say to other bros.

I think that maybe if you are honest with him about your real feelings, he might pick up on the aforementioned "vibes" you're sending out as potentially romantic.

maybe i dont want him to pick up on my vibes as "potentially romantic"

I think you do.

shut up rose

;)

just

you said youd listen

Alright then, go on. 

I'm all ears.

Or eyes, in this format.

. . .

You've been venting your frustrations to Rose all day. John was out at work, he had closing duty so you told him you were going to pick him up. He always liked walking home, but you would be damned if something happened cause he was out so late when you could have just picked him up and drove him back. John can suck it up, you're driving him and that's that.

"God." John hopped into the car, banging his head against the passenger seat and sighing.

"Work was a nightmare." He groaned. "They asked me to work the night shift and I thought,_ why not? _Then I-"

You stopped listening to him, you tried your best to focus on the road.

Once you got to a stop light you couldn't keep yourself from staring. 

He doesn't even notice there is a flower in his hair.

His messy, untidy, ebony black hair. 

Perfectly framing his face.

You pull the small red flower out for him, thinking that it would make him laugh.

He looked down at it. He giggled. Just like you hoped.

"Oh my god. Nice trick." John gave you a sly smirk. "What next? Gonna pull a quarter out from behind my ear?"

"How about instead I take you to get a sandwich at Wawa while I pump gas?"

"Fuck. Yes." John sighs. "I could really use a meal that somebody else scraped together for a change.” John was still holding onto the flower you gave him, twiddling it in between his thumbs. Like John was holding onto a gift of yours to his.

You smiled as your eyes focused on the red light, humming against the black night sky.

. . .

You've only been living with him for a few months now. It honestly feels like years, especially with how close the two of you are now. It's been cold out. The winter air’s been a bitch, it's seeping in through your window. You are freezing, so you get up from bed and get dressed. You know that John is in the kitchen making something for you anyway. You woke up to the sound of pans coming out of the oven and pots banging on to the stove. 

You step out, hoping that John doesn't notice that you pulled up pajama pants over your sweatpants to deal with the cold, you don't want to seem like a dork in front of him. You turned your head and saw John next to the kitchen island. There was a large, shiny, red cake and several large presents taking up every inch of space that wasn't the kitchen sink. 

"Happy birthday!" John cheered.

"It's my... birthday?" You asked him.

"It's your birthday!" John told you happily and then gestured for you to, "Come! Sit!"

You completely forgot about it. You usually don't do much to celebrate, so this really is a pleasant surprise. You sat down at the kitchen island and smiled at John.

"I didn't know what you wanted, so I picked up a few things! I asked our friends for some money and they sent some over. This is from everyone!" John clasped his hands together. "Oh! I'm going to record you blowing out the candles!"

You blinked and looked up at him, looking around the counter for your shades. You didn't like anyone except John seeing your eyes. You put them on your face before he started recording. You made your face blank — you don't usually wear smiles for anyone else either. 

John took out the phone and asked you to "make a wish!" 

You told him before he started recording, "all I want today is no pranks."

"Oh. Don't open that then." John grabbed one of the boxes and moved it. He chuckled.

You smiled at John, he started recording right at that moment. 

You guess you might as well smile for your birthday, since John put so much effort into making it great just for you.

. . . 

You had a great time on your birthday. You spent the entire day with your roommate, he's what made it so special.

You’re going to have to do something special for Christmas and then John's birthday in April in return. 

Your first few months living with John was better than you ever could have hoped. 

You were sitting on the couch with him again, he was at your side.

John looked over at you, he smiled. He laughed at sweetly you for staring at him and not the screen. 

The same as last time.

This time is different.

You don't push any thought out of your mind.

You just accept all of it.

You don't care how pathetic it is.

You don't care how hopeless you are.

You don't mind the swelling in your chest or the thoughts in your head.

You're in love with John Egbert. 

. . .

You grabbed the bottle under your computer desk as soon as you made it into your room. You slammed it down as quickly as you could. Trying to numb your thoughts. You always felt like you wanted booze, like you craved it. But for once, this was more than a craving; this was a need. You _ needed _ to get wasted. You _ needed _ to get trashed. Once you were out of peach schnapps, you gulped down your entire flask of old cupcake flavored vodka. You found your spiked bottle of AJ and downed that shit down too for good measure. You drank everything in your room. 

Thankfully your lids got heavy before you could even recognize you were out. 

You woke up to the sound of knocking on your door. The door opened and you pulled yourself up. There was a sticky feeling on your face and body. You looked down. You were covered in your own vomit... again.

John walked in. He didn't ask questions. He didn't say anything. He just picked you up. 

He dragged you over to the bathroom. He helped you to the toilet. He got you to face over it, telling you softly that it's alright. You void out the rest of your stomach. After getting a glance of yourself in the mirror and smelling your own odor, how could you not?

John turned on the shower faucet and began to run the hot water. 

You sat up from the toilet.

John grabbed a towel, he was about to start wiping down your neck and your chest for you. 

You took the towel and did the work for him before he could dab it on you.

John asked you, "you think you can stand on your own?"

You nodded. You got up and waited for John to leave to strip off your pants. 

You stepped into the shower. Blankly staring at nothing as the water pelted down onto your skin.

You kept staring ahead, drained of all and any emotion.

You looked down at the faucet.

Bits of vomit were on the silver metal.

John had your vomit...

**On his hands.**

. . .

You went into your room as soon as John turned in for the night. He cleaned everything for you. He didn't say anything about it. All he told you earlier was that he was hoping that you could do better. You narrow your eyes as you look around your room. You find what you were looking for. 

You grab your flask. You throw it in the trash. That was it. That's the end of it. 

You messaged Rose, asking her how to beat this thing for good. You need to make sure this never happens again.

She told you that you should give John a bottle of booze as a gift and never touch it. Then you'd know that you were sober for good.

* * *

Think of it not as a test of endurance.

But as testing your resolve...

Do you really love John?

what kind of question is that?

of course i do

Then prove it.

Get him specifically your poison of choice, let it sit on the counter and tell yourself that it’s for him and only him.

alright

i can prove it

. . .

You love him so much. You didn’t want him to see you at your worst anymore.

You didn’t want to smell like sweat and vomit.

You didn't want to make him hold you because no one else ever did.

You didn’t want to put any of your problems on him, because he deserved better.

You stayed on the wagon from that point on, it’s still a struggle sometimes... but John is so confident you’re alright that he sometimes brings bottles into the house just for himself. You don’t touch them because they are his.

They are his, and you wouldn't steal from the man that you love. 

. . .

You are so in love with John Egbert... You woke up with him in your arms, you couldn't resist planting a kiss on his cute nose. John was already up. You could tell that he didn't want you to leave his side. You didn't want to either, but your phone is blasting rap music over the looping playlist of John's song that your lover put on hours ago. 

You get up to find your phone, your body still aching from how aggressively John rode your cock earlier. He was slamming his whole body on you and fucking himself on your cock like you were too afraid to. Jesus he wanted to reach the base so bad that he just flipped you over and got on top of you. He came screaming again right after. That's going to be spank fuel for years... _you mean if you ever need it._

Last round you went, John fucked your brains out. You still have drool on your cheek and John's load in your ass. It's easy to ignore how sore you are when your mind was clouded with thoughts of John confessing that he was in love with you aaaand now you have to silence your phone. 

You ended up answering your phone, knowing that it was your bro. You always picked up calls from him or he worries. Still, you wanted to keep the call as short as possible.

You listened to him speak as you sunk back into bed with John. Just wanting to be as close to John as you can be, for as long as possible.

You hardly cared about anything your bro had to say, since you were so focused on the fact John was cuddling up close to you. Even with your bro on the line scolding you leaving someone for your roommate, you felt soothed that John was in your arms. You felt blessed that you were in John bed.

You didn't want to leave the bed again after that anal demolition that both you and John got up to. You were exhausted... But then John offered to let you piss on him. 

That's it. This man completely owns every part of your heart, your soul. All of it. It's his. 

You are his, completely.


	44. Laughter and love

It's been only a week since the two of you started really, truly dating. But Dave has made it seem like it's been years!

Dave took you out on a date every single day, like he was making up for lost time. 

Going to the movies, a nice elegant restaurant, the beach, a comedy club, your favorite place to eat garbage food, and he took you to a nightclub just to dance! But the most romantic thing, in your opinion, was when the two of you stargazed yesterday night. You are still tired from that drive and he _still_ wanted to go on a jog _and _another date tonight.

He's been running you ragged! Doesn't help that you've been running him ragged in bed. _'hehehe.'_

You gently open your eyes, Dave's been letting you nap on him again atop the couch as he searched through his phone.

You woke up with your glasses still on. 

You were on your side, you turn so you are laying flat onto his stomach. 

"Dave!" You call to him.

"What?" Dave responds. 

"Dave!" You call him again.

"What?" Dave starts chuckling, just like always.

You pause for a moment before answering.

"I just thought you like it when I call your name, I know I love it."

Dave holds onto you, his mouth turning into a mushed up, wiggly line. You giggle at how red he's turning.

The phone in Dave's hands began to ring.

"Aren't you gonna pick it up?" You ask him as you turn to look at the screen, it's Rose calling.

You look back at Dave and impatiently tell your lover, "don't make her wait!"

Dave blows steam out of his nose, trying to calm himself. You must seem so irresistible to him right now.

He accepts the call and puts the phone up to his ear, "Hey, Rose.”

_“AHHH! Dave! De-deeper!"_ You moan. _"Right there! Right there!”_

“JOHN!” Dave turned red. He covered the mic on the phone. “That joke doesn’t work anymore we are actually dating! **She might think we are actually fucking!”**

“Oh yeaaah…" You said the words like you just realized that was true.

You shrug and start moaning again. "DAVE! **FUCK!** God! Your cock is so **fucking** big!”

“JOHN!” Dave yells at you. 

“DAVE!" You mimic his tone. "YES! _AHHHH!_ I’m gonna cum!_ I’m gonna cum!"_

You pressed your eyes together and started panting with each,_ "Ahha-ahha-AHHA-AHHHA!” _

“STOP! IT ISN'T FUNNY!” Dave started yelling into the phone. "ROSE! STOP LAUGHING!"

_**“I’m-I'm close! Just-" **_Dave cuts you off before you could moan more.

“He’s lying! **ROSE!”** Dave is defending himself. “I can face time you and- **NO!** I JUST TOLD YOU WE AREN'T FUCKING!”

_“Dave! Dave!"_ You keep moaning and panting, "_Ah-_ You know- **_HMMPH!_ **-I can’t finish until you choke me!”

“It’s not funny, John!” Dave is completely beet red. It's so cute.

_“Ughagh!”_ You make noises like you’re being strangled. “Ah- oh… okay thanks... sweetheart."

You blew out a breath from deep in your lungs. "Can you get me a pack of peas? You destroyed my hole again.”

“John." Dave sounded defeated. He looked like he had a fever from how flushed he was, "tell her that was just a joke.”

“Hu? Oh, clearly we were fucking on the couch." You say close to the phone. "Obviously, Dave is the kind of person to pick up a call while he’s having sex.”

Dave was listening in on the other line, “Huh- ROSE!” 

“What did she say?” You ask with a smile plastered on your face.

“Nothing!” Dave jumped to answer.

“Awwww! I want to know! Give me the phone!” You whined.

“No!” Even Dave's ears were red now!

“Daaaave! You’re no fun!” You point at him and poke your finger up to his nose.

“I don’t care!” Dave whimpered. "I'm not repeating what she said."

“Dave… _clearly_ Rose gets the picture. I’m a prankster and your a shy guy.” You sigh. "If she keeps making fun of you for 'fucking me while you're on the phone with her' just play into the joke and she'll lay off. Whatever happened to that cool casual ironic loner that was my roommate a few months ago?" You joke.

"Okay." Dave starts, "first of all, you started messing with my mind. Second of all, Rose isn't making fun of me about... _that."_

"What did you say?!" You call out to Rose. Hoping that she would yell to respond. 

Dave tried to cover the phone. 

Your own phone goes off. "Oh looks like she messaged me!"

"GUYS!" Dave pressed a hand up to his face, he rubbed his eyes with his fingers and his thumb.

You dragged out your phone and had a look at-

I asked Strider if you actually sound like that in bed.

"Well. that joke bit me in the ass." You admitted.

You paused for a moment. 

Then you blew a raspberry, you started howling with laughter.

Dave started snickering too, he tried to laugh with his mouth closed again. He ended up sounding like a rock got stuck in a weed wacker.

You kept grabbing your sides and Dave joined in with your laughter. He started kissing your forehead after you rolled over to your side again. 

Dave can't keep his lips off of you. He's always kissing you and pulling you close, and you're always laughing and smiling when he's around.

You attempt to simmer down to tell him, "I love yo-" Then you noticed how red his face still is. 

You just fucking lose it! You can't keep in your laughter. You never can when Dave is around.


	45. hard and soft, soft and hard

You wake up with John in your arms again. 

He isn't wearing his glasses, he's completely naked. Just like he always is when you're laying in his bed.

You haven't slept in your own bed in the past month, you always want to be near John. You probably can just get rid of the damn thing, not like you're going to need it again. 

You look at John, laying right next to you under the covers.

You rub your hand against his forearm. 

John lightly opens his eyes, you wrap your hand around his waist. 

You lightly kiss his lips.

You pull your head away again, and place it back onto your pillow.

John had a mushed up smile, he was struggling to keep his eyes open.

You kissed him again, a fast and quick peck.

He outstretched his arms as he yawned.

You flipped him over to your back.

John laid on top of you. He kissed your lips with a peck of his own.

“Good morning!” John announced as he stretched his back. 

“Morning.” You smiled down at him.

"opp." John covered his lips with his hand. “Your breath stinks.”

You laugh, rubbing your hands against your boyfriend's waist. You can't keep your hands off of him.

“Hmm," you hummed and muttered, _"Your skin’s so soft.”_

John giggles. The sound goes right to your dick. You let out a light moan.

John slightly stuck out his tongue in between his lips and his adorable overbite. 

"You've got some weird sex shit." John pokes fun of you. When he closes his mouth his tongue is still slighting sticking out in between his teeth.

"That's my best friend's opinion, what's your opinion as my lover?"

_ "I'd do anything for you, daddy." _ He made himself sound as cute as possible for you.

You sigh, like it's a soft moan of nothing but pleasure.

John started chuckling, cracking up and holding one of his sides.

You choose to make fun of him like he's making fun of you, "How about I flip you over, pull your hair back, call you a whore and slam your face into the wall?"

"Would you!?" John sounded excited.

"I was-" -you started snickering- "trying to call you out on your weird shit."

"Call me out? That sounded like a real offer." John sounded a slight bit disappointed. "If you do it, I'll let you piss in my mouth again!"

"God." You shiver as you laugh. "You don't have any shame." 

"You have enough for both of us." John pokes your nose. He starts giggling for you again, this time instead of sweet little hums it sounds sinister like the buzzing of a wasp.

_"This is going to be as good for you_ as it is painful for me." John gave you a sly leer.

**"God damn."** You prep yourself.

John's already forcing his tongue into your mouth. Uncaring that your breath literally smells like shit at the moment. 

He wants it hard.

And if he wants something, he's sure as well going to fucking get it.


	46. Just goes on forever

You've been filming your pranks recently. 

Part of the art of pranking is the element of surprise, so filming your pranks is tactic that you needed to implement here. You needed to build that up as a norm so he always expects it, he won't suspect a thing with your next prank!

So far, he wasn't shocked by any of the pranks you pulled on him. 

The ice-cream in his jacket pocket he just ate like it was a gift.

Dave actually liked when you wrote 'HONK IT'S MY DADDY'S BIRTHDAY' on the back of his car a few weeks ago for his real birthday. You took out your phone and recorded the drive over to your date and people were honking like mad, _or rather like they were mad._

Dave's favorite was when you were bending over to clean up a spill, you knew he would check out your ass. Eye your tight blue shorts. You left your laptop out to record his reaction. As he eyed your ass, you quickly turned around and hummed as you revealed you were wearing Groucho glasses. Dave got a kick out of that, he loved it so much he started sucking you off while you left the gag glasses on, so you wouldn't consider that prank a success... but you wouldn't say you were disappointed either. 

Closest you got to getting him was when you asked your friend on maternity leave to pee on a pregnancy test and give it to you. You showed it to him when he was tired in the morning and he did** not** think that was funny. 

This time though, you're going to get him good! Get him near tears with this one!

He's not going to see this coming! 

You sat Dave down on the couch.

You started recording right before you handed him a large present, wrapped up and decorated with a bow. You happily tell him,

"This is for you, my love." 

Before Dave even opened it, he had to sigh and say,

"This is just one of those things that goes on forever, isn't it?"

"Yeah, exactly!" You nodded as you held up your phone to capture his face and the box. "Exactly that."

Dave groans. He sighs and unwraps the box.

You try your best to stifle your giggles. You can't help but let out a snicker after Dave groaned at the sixth box. He kept pulling more-and-more out of each other, having to unwrap each one, one right after the other.

There were empty boxes and wrinkled up wrapping paper all over your living room. 

Dave lifts up a small white box wrapped in a red bow.

He unravels the bow and there is something small inside.

As Dave pulls it out you drop down on one knee.

"Dave Strider?"

Dave lifts up the black box in his hand. You gently grab onto his hand with both of your palms and pull open the lid. Revealing a small silver ring with a tiny red jewel.

"Will you marry me?"

Dave stands up.

He knocks over a few boxes as he leaves the room. 

You lower your brows, there's no way he's saying no. He's not that stupid. 

Dave just leaves and enters the room that you both use as an office, which stopped being his room ever since he started sleeping next to you.

Dave quickly comes back out, he lowers his head as he tries to suppress a smile.

Dave walks back over to you, and as he does he lifts up his hand and shows you another small black box. He gently shakes it as he gives you a suppressed half-smile. He's trying so hard not to grin. You don't care. You are smiling so hard that tears are starting to come out of your eyes from the seer force of your grin.

Dave drops down on one knee. You record him as he speaks,

"You fill my life with so much laughter and love everyday."

Dave asks a question to answer your past question,

"John Egbert, will you marry me?"

You shoved a few boxes off of the living room table, you placed the camera down on top of it.

You shuffled over to Dave through the prank debris on the floor and allowed him to place the small silver ring on your finger. You look at the small ocean blue diamond. Oh no... the one that you are wearing is bigger than the one you got him. You need to spend your whole life making it up to him.

You took Dave's hand and slid his engagement ring onto his ring finger.

You instantly jumped into Dave's arms and he wrapped his hands around your waist.

You sink into Dave as you press your lips against his mouth. 

You hum into his lips as you hold onto his chin with both hands. 

You pull away to admire your ring. It's so gorgeous! 

You brightly smile at your hand and then look back up at Dave.

You communicate without words that this is the most amazing, heart bubbling moment of you life.

You're smiling brighter than the sun, you know that you're melting Dave's heart. Yours is boiling over.

Suddenly you let Dave know with just a glance that he's not going to get any sleep tonight.

You pull him down into a kiss, tossing boxes up into the air and crushing wads of wrapping paper.


	47. never boring, never ending

You step across the room, with John at your side.

He looks so nice in his black tux, he said he wanted you to wear a white one, so you did. He said it would look so strange having the two of you both wear the same color suit, people were going to be staring at the two of you all day and apparently he wanted you to be the one to wear white so you'd stand out. He just told you after the ceremony,

"Haha! You're the star of the show today! Everyone is looking at how handsome my groom is."

"Husband." You corrected him.

"Oh, shit." John mumbled, "I am so used to hyping you up as my fiancé."

You looked around the room.

You spot your childhood friend standing with her date.

Your maid of honor just saw that you glance at her and Rose offered you a solute.

You nodded back at Rose, trying hard to suppress your smile. 

John spotted his dad.

"Dad!" John called him over.

"Hi, son." John's dad stepped over to give him a hug.

This is the third time the two of them have done this today.

John's dad looked so proud of not just his son, but also you. He was beaming you both a huge smile.

"Now, son." He's addressing you.

He already gave you two speeches today, one was about what it meant to have a loving home and the other was about what it meant to be an Egbert man.

Your dad-in-law continues, "I expect that you assist John in earning an income to pay off your house, John told me that your career has been going well... but you might want to invest in attending trade school. I hear that engineering is where the jobs are."

"Thank you, sir." You nod. "I'll consider it."

"Good." Mr. Egbert nods at you, "and I trust that you took my last speech to heart?"

"I took both of them to heart, sir." You answered respectfully. 

"Wonderful. I'll leave you two to the rest of your guests." Your dad-in-law looked over at John, "Son, you picked a good husband."

"Thanks, dad!" John smiled brightly at him and then happily paid you an open mouth grin. "Did you hear that?!"

"Yeah, man." You nodded. 

"Makes up for all of the man-to-man talks he's been giving you." John sighs on your behalf. 

"How many speeches is he going to give me today?" You quickly add, "-not that I mind. I just want to know."

"As many as he can think of." John tells you, "Oh, and he's been leaving notes around for you to find. I picked them all up before anyone could see them." John mimics his dad's voice,_ "But I do expect you to read them." _

You hummed and laughed. You pat your husband's back and told him, "gotta take a leak."

"Don't have too much fun without me." John bursts out with a dry laugh. 

You laugh back. He just loves saying that every time you go to the bathroom. 

Once you got back, you were pretty much rushed over to your husband's side at the long table they set up for your wedding. 

Everyone had lifted up their glasses once John raised his. The two of you made a promise years ago that you'd be each other's best man. Didn't think it’d play out this way, but you kept your word on every promise you made to John. 

You also promised that you would only have one, single sip of champagne for your wedding toast. Nothing more. You kept your word on that, you couldn't sully the most important day of your life with a broken promise to your best friend and partner. You listened to John's speech as you held your glass in your hand. John started by confessing that he was a prankster.

"I could never get Dave with my pranks, so I thought I'd pretend to be someone else and trick him into dating his best friend. I pretended that I was someone that Dave would instantly adore. And... it work. He poured so much of himself into impressing his _ new boyfriend. _ I was jealous. Hurt... I never realized how much of my life was attached to being with Dave and how much I wanted that to be... well, permanent. The two of us were always together. Together at our best and together at our worst. While I was dating him over the phone as someone else, he wore me down one day. I was so torn up inside that... I confessed that I was the one he'd been messaging everyday. I was planning on playing a horrible prank on him, but I realized I wanted more... I wanted it to be real. Then Dave held up his phone, and he told me that he always knew that it was me." John kept trying to suppress his grin. "That he always wanted to feel what it was like to be loved by me, that dating over the phone was making _ ’the impossible possible.’" _

John smiled down at you as he held his glass, "Dave is the kindest man I know, and I'm sure he'd say the same about me. I'm sure he'd say that I was always there to pick him up in a way that no one else could. -Ha! It's hard to say nice things about your 'best friend's spouse' for a best man speech when** _ that's you_ **-" 

The crowd started laughing along with John. You chuckle with him too. John buckled a little as he laughed. He made sure to not spill his drink as he stood up straight again.

"I'm sure that Dave would say that I always get him to laugh and I always pull my energy into getting him to smile! He does the same to me. No matter how horrible I feel, he always makes me feel like I can get through... anything!" John turned towards you, "As your best man, I'm supposed to give a blessing to our marriage, saying that I hope that it's filled with love and laughter and that it sticks. Why give you a blessing, when I already gave you my word? You never break your promises, so I won't break mine." John nods at you. "I will always be yours."

You have to dab your eye quickly before anyone notices there's a single stray tear. John offers up a toast and you take a single sip of your glass. 

Although you decided to abstain from alcohol after that sip, John decided to have a few drinks himself when you were walking around the room again.

You cut John off once you noticed that he started telling stories about how the two of you started dating, you took the glass out of his hand and put water in its place.

"I started feeling so insecure about how Dave was falling for some other guy he _never even saw_ and I- hey!" He turned to you after you snatched his glass. "I'm not even buzzed, and this is my third watered down mimosa!" 

John turned to your friends and kindly told them, "I wasn't the one who organized the bar." He nodded like he was apologizing for someone else's slip up. 

You smiled as you rolled your eyes. Your eyes fall across the room.

Your face falls when you notice your older bro, looking over at you. John noticed him too.

John turned to your friends and politely said, "excuse us." 

John gently grabbed your hand and took you over to your bro as he told you, "looks like someone wants to offer us congratulations."

You sigh, thinking that it's a good time to get that over and done with. You aren't sure what he is going to say, but he promised he wouldn't say anything _ rude. _That's good enough for you. It’s the best you could hope for.

When you finally reached your bro, John still held onto your hand. He loves doing that as much as you love he does it.

John smiled up at your bro who was a good two-feet taller than him, "glad that you could join us!"

You nodded at your husband's words, showing you agreed with John.

Your bro nodded at you. 

You felt your brow tense up a bit... he nodded. 

"Same here." Your bro replied.

John's face bore a huge grin, he looked back-and-forth between the two of you. 

Your husband offered your brother some refreshments, "would you like a cupcake? My dad baked all of them. I don't care for them myself, but I heard that the champagne ones are great!"

"I don't like anything with alcohol in it." He replied.

"Oh, you sound like your brother!" Your husband laughed. 

It was for a fleeting second, but you swore that you saw your bro smile.

"Yeah, well." He stepped away from the two of you, "Best wishes with your marriage."

"Thank you!" John smiled. 

You nodded at your bro as he walked away.

"I'm glad you invited him," John told you. "He seems like he wanted... something like this for you." 

"Like this wedding, or this marriage?" You ask him to clarify. 

"Both are perfect, right?" John joked as he pointed to your online friends downing cupcakes and mimosas from the bar. "Even when they're not." He chuckled. 

"Everything is perfect." You nod, watching your one friend go hard on smelling a cupcake as she bites into another. 

"It's very us." You told your husband. Your eyes are still fixed on your friends downing desserts like they are chugging shots. It's a mess but... it looks like fun.

"Never boring." John nodded. 

You would have to agree.

Every moment you spend with John is never boring. 


	48. Prove it

It's your favorite time of the year! April fools day!

On top of that it's almost your anniversary!

You're gonna have to make today extra special for your husband. The day is almost over so you guess it's a better time than ever to get started on your next move.

Earlier today, Dave didn't seem to phazed by your earth shattering prank-pocalypse in the morning... probably because you're always pulling pranks on your husband year round. Gotta keep the creative juices flowing, you know? Plus, it helps keep him on his toes.

You don't want your husband getting _to_ comfortable. You can't let him settle, always gotta keep him moving and improving! Dave's always trying to one up himself, and so are you!

You work on your pranks and your cooking, Dave works on his music and his health (mental and physical!) and together you both work on improving in bed.

You've been married for a year but honestly you can't even picture a life without Dave by your side. Also, you can never get to sleep unless he's besides you and for some gosh darned reason he felt the need to start working on his music again right at 11 pm on the dot! You know he's going to be working all night unless you stop him. Ugh. At least you were already planning on something like this happening. 

You're laying down on some soft, fresh sheets and you're already dressed for the night.

You grab your cell off of your nightstand and log into an account you haven't used since you confessed to your husband. 

You get right to work and message Dave. 

* * *

hey <3

babe?

the one and only ;)

so glad to see you remember me.

how could i forget

how have you been, cutie?

well im living the exact life i used to fantasize about

so

cant complain

you?

:c

I've been so lonely!

it's been so long since we've last spoke...

and for some reason you just ghosted me..?

sorry

i guess i should have messaged you that i was leaving

it's okay...

i knew that you were going to...

you did?

i figured.

your roommate was just too sexy to pass up...

he was

still is

whenever he snaps his fingers

i still come running

i bet you always have it up for him...

oh yeah

big time

hmm...

i bet he's good in bed too...

not as good as me, but he's probably fine.

best ive ever had

awww!!!

that's cute!

but that's not saying much!

you have nothing to compare him too!

im willing to stake my life on john being a once in a lifetime kinda lay

i mean

you should see his ass

not only can he work it

he can put the thing down flip it and reverse it

hmmmm....

you seem pretty confident that John's good...

maybe you should put that to the test?

okay

what are you talking about babe?

you know...

your husbands quite the homemaker.

John turned a cramped little apartment into such a nice little home. And now he’s made you such a lovely home home!!!

babe

these sheets really are nice...

it's going to be so awful when we ruin them...

* * *

Didn't even take another second before you heard footsteps and Dave opening up your bedroom door. You glance up at him with your phone delicately placed in your hands.

You decided to wear your little gray sport shorts that don't fit you anymore and your tightest white work-out tank. Dave's gonna have a lot of fun ripping these damn things off, you know that much!

Dave seems a bit flustered. He looks more thrown off by this than all of your earlier pranks!

You flutter your eyes at your husband and let out a slurry, "hey." 

"Ha- hey." You can't tell if Dave is chokeing or laughing. 

"As I was saying... It's been a while" You prop yourself up with your elbows. "I had nothing but time to think since we last spoke."

Dave walked in and shut the door behind him. Your husband settled down on the foot of your bed and placed his hand on your knee.

You smiled up at him and giggled. "I know you're married now... but I thought it'd be nifty if we met in person, fooled around a little, had some fun-"

"Hold up." Dave cut you off. "You break into my house and now you want me to cheat on my husband, with you?"

"Come onnn..." You beg Dave as babe, "just for tonight. You can play around with a fun little twink who'll do anything instead of your fussy little husband who probably denys you that chance to do a lot of fun stuff." 

"I don't know if I wanna risk my marriage for one night of whatever the fuck this is." Dave's hand is still on your knee. He must be saying what he thinks you wanna hear. The old version of you really did a number on Dave, huh? You get that you used to blow up on him at a moments notice but you put all of that past you the moment the two of you got married. You guess Dave doesn't want to risk your fury. But you only get pissed at him when he doesn't load the dishwasher, or take out the trash, or when he makes an ill-timed joke, or asks if he can piss on you while you're fucking in bed like the smell of piss won't keep you both up all night! Okay, so maybe you still get angry at the drop of a hat... but you** know** no guy can ever take Dave away from you. You never have to be jealous of babe, nor will you ever be again. Still... you have to let Dave know that.

You gesture with your finger for Dave to come closer to you. As he crawls closer, you whisper, "a little_ fun_ never hurt_ anyone_."

"Yeah?" Dave's right above you now, already feeling your waist with one of his hands. He's rubbing his thumb over your belly. "You say that... but have you met John?"

You tilt your head as you ask, "he's got a short fuze, huh?" 

"You don't even know the half of it." Dave's stripping himself of his shades and placing them down on the nightstand. Dave looks down at you and kisses your nose. "But I love every damned moment I'm with him. Even if he's chewing me out."

"I'm already in your bed... I'd say, it's already too late." You squint your eyes at him and smile. "If you're going to get chewed out over having another man in your bed, might as well go _all the way."_

"I don't know..." Dave starts stroking your side, he's feeling up your waist. 

"You don't know..._ what?"_ You ask him and then giggle. "Are you still on the fence about sleeping with me?"

Dave shrugs and sighs. "I just realized, I don't know where my husband is right now."

"Oh noooo... what if he walks in on us?" You joke. You lift your hands up and wrap your arms around his neck.

"If he sees us like this, he's gonna raise hell." Dave tells you.

"I've got a little secret, Dave." You start whispering as you snicker, "come here."

"What?" Dave whispers back as he leans in to lend you his ear.

You whisper as quietly as possible, "I am your husband."

"No..." Dave whispers back, "noo way. I can't believe it."

You kiss his ear and then slap his cheek. "Now, don't make me wait any longer or I really will get angry. Op-"

Dave sat up on the bed as he pulled you up. You kept right on giggling.

"I bet he's out with his work friends again tonight, probably pulling some pranks on them..." Dave kisses you on the lips and then tells you, "better be quick regardless."

"I promise you, you won't regret it." You boop Dave on the nose as you adjust on his lap. "I'll do all the crazy stuff your hubby doesn't ever wanna do."

"Like what?" Dave actually sounds a bit bewildered. 

"Hmmm? How am I supposed to know what John doesn't do?" You point a finger up to your chin. 

Dave already has both of his hands wrapped around your waist, he grabs onto you tightly when you ask, "is there anything you want but you're too afraid to ask for?"

Dave shutters for a second and then tosses you down on the bed. Dave rips off his shirt and then pants, "shit! We really are going to ruin the sheets."

You giggle and clap your hands together. Well, that's it for this mattress.

So long as Dave's the happiest he can be, it's going to be worth downing a mouthful of piss. 

Dave finished pulling off his pants as he whispered to you, "I love you."

You kissed Dave's nose and whispered him, "I love you infinitely more." and you're right about to prove it. 


End file.
